TMI POST: Mastication

This is a TMI post. This is your only warning. Read at your own peril.

This is a TMI post. This is your only warning.
Read at your own peril.

So... you know how your parents told you to chew things 22/30/800 times before swallowing?  Well they had good reason.  As you chew ("masticate"), you break down the surface area, enzymes start to do their thing, and you experience the food. It's a part of the savoring process.

The other day, at the farmer's market and picked up some peaches, some blueberries and some raspberries.  All are DELICIOUS.  The peaches are fuzzy, the raspberries are tart, and the blueberries are small and flavorful.  I have ever the reason to chew chew chew to my little heart's desire, until I can chew no more.

But no, I'm a mindless eater.

I'm cutting up the peach, washing off the berries and putting them in a bowl.  I'm so excited to eat them... and I forget the chewing/savoring part.

This isn't really on my radar as a problem because they're small, my stomach is hearty, and they'd have plenty of time to digest overnight.

This morning I wake up, stretch, hit the snooze button.
I re-wake up. I re-stretch.  I pet Jack who has wisely decided to sit on my phone (that acts as an alarm clock).

I take my vitamin D pills. I pet Spike, who has decided to come over and share his sexy mancatness with us.

I pee.  Everything leading up to peeing was no indication that I'd actually stay awake. But once I've peed that's about it.  It takes about 15 minutes for the rest of my body to wake up.

I feed the kitties.  I check my email to make sure nothing has exploded, imploded, or downloaded.  I look in my closet for something that is clean, not too tent-like, and business casual enough. I drink some water and check the weather.

I return to the bathroom. My colon, late riser that it is, has decided it is ready to wake up.  I do my thing.  Constipated?  I run down a list of what I ate the night before.  It doesn't add up.  I drank enough water during the day.  I had lots of fiber.  What gives.

I go to clean up, and well... (here's the uncomfortable TMI part) I check to make sure I got everything and I see red on the TP.  WHAT?!?!?!  Dear readers, I'll save you the thought process and jump to the conclusion.  An undigested blueberry had decided to pop as it was exiting my body.  

So the moral of the story is to chew... enjoy your food, and hopefully you'll avoid a whole lot of confusion when you're barely awake.

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11 comments

  1. I don't know if this is funny or gross. Probably a bit of both. And it disturbs me that I downed a bunch of blueberries today too. Hahaha... Uh-oh.

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  2. bahahaha! That's awesome. I look at my poop sometimes, you know you corn doesnt break down in your body. Yeah, so next time you eat corn-look at your poop

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  3. Natalia -- you never know what bombs might be lurking.

    Raegun -- I told you it was TMI!!

    Molly -- I knew that about corn (and it's equally as disturbing).

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  4. oh my. :) funny and VERY informational :)

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  5. hehehe !! yay!! i didn't scare you!!

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  6. You're right....I was warned. tee hee hee

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  7. This made me laugh out loud... so funny!

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  8. Everyone -- thanks for being brave enough to read it :)

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<3 Robby