FatGirl vs World

At the end of 2016, I was cleared to start working out in the gym again (elliptical, light weights) and I had all these visions of going balls to the wall, of trying to reclaim what I couldn't do while I was injured or rehabbing.

Reading Rebecca Scritchfield's Body Kindness and seeing the documentary Embrace have kinda thrown a wrench into the works:  I started asking myself:


The second thought was that I wasn't giving myself much credit for how far I've healed.  I sometimes forget just how bad it was and what it's like to live in a body that's not in pain all the time.  Why would I want to do anything to jeopardize that simply because of a date on a calendar? This is still a marathon, not a sprint.  That has not changed.

I still need to be patience and aim for balance....

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With that in mind, I announce #GoTheDist 2017:

Stephen King wrote in his book "On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft,"  "You can, you should, and if you're brave enough to start, you will." (emphasis added)  He called this a "permission slip." Couple this with Ranier Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" (which I talk about here) and the whole picture emerges:  when faced with the questions of who we are and what we want to be, we need to harness our passion (Rilke's "I must"), couple it with the strength of our heart (courage), and not get in the way of our own potential.

2014 was a rollercoaster....

The #GoTheDist challenge theme for 2013 was "Rebuild Yourself."  For me, it was a very tangible theme after having surgery on my neck.  Not only did I need to recover from the injury, but I needed to recover from the stress and uncertainty of what being injured meant to me.

In the end, it meant running (elliptical + outside) 851.95 miles (that's 51.95 miles over my goal), and taking almost 4.3 MILLION steps (4,283,066 steps logged with many days not wearing my BodyMedia armband).

Towards the end of the year, I got sick (bronchitis & sinus infection) but also felt very lost.   Turns out that when I asked you all about it, we all kinda lost our mojo towards the end of the year.  Ask anyone who is trying to redefine their life -- it's hard/exhausting work!  It's not always about making huge renovations, but even maintaining the small changes become arduous over time.  This is when we need to lean on each other the most -- to remember why we're doing it and to infuse the joy back into the process.

 I've been racking my brain to come up with a #GoTheDist theme for 2014 -- and either I'm landing on what you all are already doing (such as @RoniNoone's #WYCWYC/what you can, when you can) or what I've already done in the past.  So I thought about opening it up to you all.


In the meantime, I have "Something Sparkly" to shop for (my full-year reward for 2013) and some planning to do.  500 miles of running outside is a HUGE goal for me. 

 

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How to Join #GoTheDist 2014: 

1. Click on the SUMMARY PAGE (bookmarking it would be a good idea as you will be using it often).

2. Fill out the next available line on the "Summary" spreadsheet.  You are responsible for filling out your biographical information (columns A–D), your tracking modality and goal (columns E and F), your quarterly goals (columns G, J, M, and P), and your half-year and full-year rewards (columns U and W).  

3. **CREATE YOUR INDIVIDUAL PAGE** (The information you have entered in step 2 should auto-complete to an individual page.  Check your line number and then look at the bottom of the page.  Match up your line number and double check that your information is correct).

4. Rename the tab "@[twitter name]" or if you don't have Twitter "[nickname]" 

5. Fill out the sheet as you wish.  See step #8.

6. Update your own individual page as needed (if tracking is too hard, consider printing out your page and filling it out by hand and updating it online once a week). The total mileage will automatically be updated on the Summary tab as you report on your individual page.

7. Follow #GoTheDist on Twitter for support if you need it or to support others when they do, to announce achievements, and find new/old friends!

8. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE LINES OR TABS! Do not SORT.  If you want to add columns, please add them to the RIGHT of the page.  Please do NOT move your page around! You CAN bookmark your individual page using your browser to find it easily.

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Sometimes I forget that I'm not good at everything. 

I went for a run Friday night and ran the first 2 miles in 21:56 (average of 10:57/mile), took a break to stretch my knee, and ran the last 2 miles in 20:42 (average of 10:21/mile).  On the elliptical, my PR is 8:23/mile and my average is 8:40/mile.


I know that running outside and running inside on a treadmill is different.  I know that running outside and running inside on an elliptical is apples and oranges.  But all the same, I'd really like to wake up one day and run outside and be awesome at it.  I'd look graceful and feel strong.  I'd bounce in all the right ways. Somewhere, deep down, I know that to take time off your run requires patience, practice, and perseverance.


So once again, I take this occasion to remind myself (in my blog, and as a person) that STRUGGLE isn't FAILURE.  It's all about how we respond to the challenge.  And I'm going to keep at this.

I've blogged about how when I was in elementary school I would dread the day that we'd do the presidential fitness test. You see, I was naturally athletic (playing sports like softball or volleyball), but horrible at these arbitrary tests.  Part of me felt that my peers, these kids, received some sort of secret ninja/spy training when they were younger that prepared them for these feats. I would try my best and fail miserably at most of the tests; but I'd fail none so spectacularly as the mile run.  The fastest kids would finish between 6 and 7 minutes.  Me and the slowest boy would run/jog/walk/run/jog/walk/jog/walk/walk/walk/walk/walk somewhere between 15-16 minutes.

So this past weekend when I walked into Pacers Running Store, part of me was worried that because I didn't know the secret handshake they'd know I wasn't a runner.  Yes, I know.  I'm being ridiculous, but there was still a part of me that felt like I didn't belong there.  But I had money and a need for sneakers (I knew my sneakers were not just dying, but actually dead).

Tripp

Luckily, I caught the attention of a salesperson (Tripp) and he took great care of me.  I brought my old sneakers with me (Saucony Pro Grid 3s) and I think he immediately recoiled because they were just so worn down.  (Don't worry, I donated the offending sneakers.)

He put me on their treadmill and recorded me running for a few seconds at pace (I went for 10:00 minute miles cause I don't normally use a treadmill).  Good news was that I didn't supinate as much as I thought and I was pretty well aligned from my ankle to my knee.  What this meant is that I didn't need a shoe with arch support (I have naturally high arches) or a shoe that has motion control (to fix how my foot was landing). 

The Saucony ProGrid3 was a good neutral shoe, but Tripp thought we could do better than the most recent iteration of that shoe.   He also surprised me with one little tidbit -- I actually needed a size 10.5 running shoe.   He explained that most people come in needing a half-size to a full size bigger because (1) their feet swell when running and (2) to provide enough room in the toe box so that when you land, your toes have somewhere to go.  All of this seems so obvious, but I thought the 10s I brought in were big enough (I also have the same shoe in a 9.5).

The Brooks Ghost 6s were the winner.

Tripp brought out a few models for me to try (if I were a better blogger, I would have taken photos, but alas...):  (1) Nike Zoom Vomero+ 8 (I felt like my heel was going to come out no matter what I did); (2) New Balance 880v3s (which fit, but felt heavy on my foot); and (3) Brooks Ghost 6.  During this process he also gave me a short tutorial on how to make sure a sneaker is on right -- to tap the heel into the ground to make sure it's all the way back, and then pull the laces tight at the middle, go forward, and then go all the way back again to make sure that your midfoot is secure, and that your heel is going nowhere.


I also picked up some other goodies:

(1) CEP progressive calf sleeves -- to help my calves with recovery (after my first run, I was walking a little noodly for a day or two) and they'll come in handy as the weather gets a bit cooler;

(2) SPIBelt high visibility belt (and yes, I was amazed that my GalaxySIII fit in that tiny little pocket); and

(3) Amphipod stretch reflective bands, cause well.... you can never be too safe.



In sum, I had a great experience at Pacers Running Store, I learned a little bit about how I run, and the kinds of shoes that I need to look for and all that was left to do was take my new sneakers on a run. But before I went, I asked @RunPacers if they had any advice for an elliptical runner going to the ground: 

The Francis Scott Key Bridge as seen from Georgetown Waterfront (notice how sweaty my hands get? Ew!)

Outtake:  Spike and Jack confer regarding the new sneakers.

After two short runs, the sneakers feel great and I'm not feeling the same pains in my calves that I did after that first run.

However, I'm not going on long runs.  I'm still a bit hesitant and want to see how my lower back responds.  My neck is doing great. 

I will mix elliptical and running outside for a while until I get a better feel as to how the compression is affecting my spine, and also to meet my #GoTheDist goals.

So I write this big long post yesterday about how I'm stuck in the gym for my running cause of my back.

Today I forgot my sports bras at home, so if I wanted to run, I'd have to go back home to get my bras, then go back to the gym.  But I didn't want to go back to the gym.  So I mapped out a 3.5 mile walk.

And then decided to not walk.

I ran on hard ground for the first time in a very long time (since 2006).  (even though it wasn't very fast, it's still running, darnit!)

It wasn't the fastest run.  It wasn't the most glorious run.  And I'm pretty sure that some part of my body is going to be sore tomorrow.  But the point was that I got out there and did something I didn't think I could do.

It still holds true that compression is not good for me, and that I shouldn't run on hard ground all the time, for long periods of time, or in a way that could hurt my back.  But so long as I'm mindful of these things, it's up to me to balance what I want to be doing in my life versus how much life I want to miss out on because of something that will happen eventually in my life.

I talk big game about #GoTheDist and this year's theme ("rebuild yourself") -- but maybe part of it is challenging ourselves to confront what we think are limits are.  I'm not saying we should go out and injure ourselves, but we should aim to discover just how exceptional we each are, how capable our bodies are, and how liberating it is to just let our body determine what it can do versus letting our mind sell ourselves short.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be a part of a running pack after all.

Remember that feeling on January 1st, waking up from a champagne haze and promising that this year, this time, things will be different?  Well, 6 months have passed and what have you been up to?  Are you making headway on your resolutions?  (Or in my case, did you even make a resolution?  Whoops.) 

Chances are that somewhere along the line, you've struggled a bit.  Some of us have small struggles (one beer too many to want to get up at 5 am to get to the gym) and some of us have big struggles (injury, illness, life).  It's okay.  If you're still here to read this, you know that you can recover from just about anything. 

But let me ask you this:  is it enough to just recover/to get by or do you want to thrive?  It seems to me that so many of our resolutions are things that we should already be doing to take care of ourselves.  In other words, for many people pledging to take care of themselves (inside and out) has become a once-a-year event that is soon forgotten (kudos to those who are on the ball and renew this vow more often).

Along comes July 1st -- the first day of the second half of the year -- and another chance to state your intentions to the world about what it would mean for you to thrive, to love deeply, to laugh heartily, to live fully.  What have you learned in the first six months that you'd like to improve upon in the next six?  What would you like to change up?  What are you proud to have accomplished? What have you done in relation to the theme "Rebuild Yourself"? 

Kudos to all who have done especially well in their #GoTheDist pursuits -- Jordy (@ItsJordyLive), Cari (@TravellingCari), Sue (@PhoenyxRysyng),  Carolyn, Nate, and Rashaan (@rashaan) -- keep it up!

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The moment I knew I passed 400 miles on the elliptical!

I'm proud to say that I met/exceeded (by 10.5 miles) my goal to run 400 miles in the first 6 months.  I was met with a few obstacles along the way:  (1) recovering from my December neck surgery (2) the mystery skin issue and (3) 2 weeks of the flu.

Now that I'm a less paranoid about my neck, I want to get more diversity into my workouts.  I know that I suffer from monotony.  I want to get back to boxing (even if it's just shadow boxing) -- because I loved what that did for my arms, and my mind.  I want to kayak -- it's a great workout, fun to be in the sun, and a social activity that doesn't involve copious amounts of drinking (see below).  I want to try spinning again (**waves to JZ and RevolveDC**).  I've also promised friends that now that my deltoids don't hurt as much, that yoga is now in play. 

My food logging was hit-and-miss, and I want to improve on that for the next half of the year. I find that I would be good at food logging on the days that I was bringing my own food to work, but then would fall off the radar when I would go out to eat and feel overwhelmed by estimating (do you know how many calories are in a serving of shrimp lababdar?).  So I think that means I need to meal plan better (I'm so in awe of you all that do this well) and carry a portable food scale with me. 

I also want to focus on being more moderate with alcohol.  I've been good, but not great, and I see how that affects both my performance and the scale.  So, from here on out, no more than 1-2 drinks a day. 

In terms of thriving -- I want to improve on my introverted nature.  I want to make more "play dates" with friends as well as go on more actual dates with guys.  (NB:  I did go out with a guy from OkCupid last night -- it was rather spur of the moment, but well... he took me to the Old Guard Stables and let me meet the horses of the caisson as well as their friends that were hanging out for the week -- the Budweiser Clydesdales.  We went to dinner after and got talk about life and dating and especially online dating -- and he said to me "I don't think girls get it -- it doesn't matter how much you weigh or what you look like, just be confident with who you are.  Nothing as unsexy as a girl that feels sorry for herself."  Point taken.  I don't feel sorry for myself, but I often fear disappointing people.  No more.  Gunsablazing!)

I also want to honor my inner nerd and take some classes on the things that interest me and/or the things I have put aside since I left college.

So anyways, those are just a few thoughts.  I've also put (actual) pen to (actual) paper and started thinking about a "bucket list."  Next step with that is putting $ to bank to start saving for some adventures!

My Quarter 1 #GoTheDist went well.  When all was said and done, I completed 96% of my 150 mile goal, or 144 miles.  I ran 31 out of 90 days -- and I think this was pretty good considering the 19 days in February when I was dealing with the allergic reaction on my skin, and the 10 days I was dealing with/recovering from the flu (if you're doing the math, that's 29 days or almost a whole month!).

I had one more day to run 6 miles and complete 100% of my goal, but I wanted to prove two points:
(1) that I could still be proud of my effort even if I didn't reach my goal; and
(2) that it wasn't worth injuring myself over.  All-in-all, I think it's fair to say that I'm "on track."

So at Mile 144, I made the conscious decision that 96% was enough and some

My Q2 #GoTheDist goal is 250 miles.  This means I need to run an average of 2.87 miles for the 91 days OR 5 miles on 50/90 days.  Or a little under 85 miles a month.  This is very doable considering I used to run 100-120 miles a month before I injured my neck.  The way I look at the math is that there's plenty of room for balance.

I also want to work on meal planning in Q2.  My dietitian called me a "chaotic grazer" -- that I tend to eat based on moods and availability, not necessarily paying attention to what my body needs.  I'm nowhere near the point where I can be an intuitive eater with any confidence.  I mean, I don't gnaw on the brains of the living, but I don't make meal plans or grocery shopping lists.

In the #GoTheDist 2013 announcement post I didn't include 2 things:  (1) a graphic (2) a theme.  People have asked me about both.  Truth is that I was so distracted by my injury/surgery, that I failed to come up with these two things.  I've corrected my lapse: 

Image at:  http://bit.ly/ViJS8U

Truth is that I didn't look far for this theme.  Everyone has been joking about me being bionic now.  If you know a little TV history about the Six Million Dollar Man and the Bionic Woman and the tag line "We can rebuild him...we have the technology." 

To a degree we're all trying to rebuild -- we're trying to change the habits that didn't do us any favors, we're trying to recover from injuries, we're trying to be better today than we were yesterday.  And we all have the technology at our fingertips.  We have the knowledge and support that will make the changes possible.

I would love how to hear how you interpret this theme for yourself....

It also reminds me of my family motto -- which i'd love to share with you all: 

How to Join #GoTheDist 2013:

1. Click on the SUMMARY PAGE (bookmarking it would be a good idea as you will be using it often).

2. Fill out the next available line on the "Summary" spreadsheet.  You are responsible for filling out your biographical information (columns A–D), your tracking modality and goal (columns E and F), your quarterly goals (columns G, J, M, and P), and your half-year and full-year rewards (columns T and V).  

3. **CREATE YOUR INDIVIDUAL PAGE** (The information you have entered in step 2 should auto-complete to an individual page.  Check your line number and then look at the bottom of the page.  Match up your line number and double check that your information is correct).

4. Rename the tab "@[twitter name]" or if you don't have Twitter "[nickname]" 

5. Fill out the sheet as you wish.  See step #8.

6. Update your own individual page as needed (if tracking is too hard, consider printing out your page and filling it out by hand and updating it online once a week). The total mileage will automatically be updated on the Summary tab as you report on your individual page.

7. Follow #GoTheDist on Twitter for support if you need it or to support others when they do, to announce achievements, and find new/old friends!

8. PLEASE DO NOT DELETE LINES OR TABS! Do not SORT.  If you want to add columns, please add them to the RIGHT of the page.  Please do NOT move your page around! You CAN bookmark your individual page using your browser to find it easily.

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At the end of each month (or year) consider answering these questions:

• How do you think you did over the course of the month?  
• Did you overestimate or underestimate your capabilities?  Why is this?  Is this representative of a larger trend in your life?
• Did you learn anything about yourself while doing this? 
• Can you apply what you've learned in #GoTheDist somewhere else in your life? 
• Did you make any new friends through #GoTheDist -- were you able to support each other?
• What was the hardest part of the challenge?  (physical? mental/psychological?)
• What do you think you did really well this month? (doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• What do you think you could improve on? (again, doesn't have to be about #GoTheDist)
• No matter the numbers you already entered, are you going to finish strong, or taper off? 
• Did you go the distance? And no, I don't mean did you hit 100% of your goal... did you put yourself out there and really try for it?  Is 80% still something you can be proud of?

I remember my first time running on the elliptical.
It was back in 2006 and I hadn't learned to trust my body yet.

"I need water!"

16 minutes later, I had run just one mile.

My brain was trying to control the process. 
My brain was saying "But you've never done this before, so it can't be done." 
In my panic, I let the lactic acid buildup discourage me. 
I used more of my breath to say "I can't" than to say "I can."

But my body was wiser.
With each mile, my body said "this isn't too bad."
My body went from merely being able to do it, but wanting to run.
My body wanted to go further.
My body wanted to faster.

And so I released the emergency brake in my brain.
I let go.
And I ran further.  I ran faster.
I've completed a few half-marathons on that elliptical pictured above (I nicknamed her "My cruel Mistress").

Two weeks ago I thought I had done the unthinkable -- I ran SIX sub-10 minute miles in a row.  I set a new personal record for myself.  I was fast.

But what followed was frustration.  My body needed to recover after that.  It went from fast to unbearably slow.  Discouragingly slow.  Back to 11-minute miles.  One day was even closer to 12-minute miles.



"A slow run is better than a fast sit. I am displeased by this considering my awesome run on tuesday. #gothedist"

I started talking smack to the same body that had just done something amazing.  And I was wrong to do so.  I mean it's wrong to ever talk smack about your own body, but it's doubly wrong to be so short-sighted.  My body isn't a machine. And heck, even machines cannot always run at their fastest speed all the time.

I needed to change the dialogue -- I needed to remind myself that exercise should be joyful and that I am truly thankful for every day I get to run. 

And once again, when my brain got out of the way, my body responded.


That's right, I shaved a 1 minute and 20 seconds off my PR.
More than that -- I was 37 seconds away from 9-minute miles.

1.  Congrats to all those that have met and/or exceeded their goals!

2.  Congrats to all those that got very very close! (80% to 99% of their goal)

All the adversity I've had in my life, all my troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me...You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you.  ~ Walt Disney

4.  Please leave a reply to this post if you're part of the #GoTheDist challenge with your weekly target number -- what's the breakdown for you?  What do you need to do in 26 weeks to either hit your yearly or half-year goal?  (I need to run 19.23 miles a week to hit my yearly goal, or 17.3 if I am going to hit my 6-month goal.  Both are entirely attainable) Talk to me! Talk to each other! Let's support each other through this.  If you've seen success, give back to someone that needs help.

5.  Check out the questions on the end of the original #GoTheDist 2012 Challenge -- and perhaps answer them in a blog post, or even just for yourself.  I've found those questions to be very helpful in keeping my head in the game -- especially the question of "where's the line in your mind between success and failure?"

6.  Meditate on how you want to feel on December 31, 2012.  Let that be your guide.  Meditate on how you felt on your worst day.  Let that be your inspiration to do better, even if it's only 10 feet more, 10 minutes more.  Breathe deeply, you've got this.  #GoTheDist isn't meant to cause anxiety, it's meant to help you feel free and victorious.  Forgive yourself if you need to.