FatGirl vs World

All morning Saturday and part of the afternoon, I had been running around to prepare for that night's Ingress party to celebrate an awesome in-game operation that required world-wide cooperation.  I kinda went a little overboard on cupcakes (2 kinds -- Funfetti with blue icing and pineapple upside-down cupcakes -- around 70 cupcakes total). As I was baking, I simultaneously did 4 loads of laundry.

By the time I got to the bar, I was thirsty for a beer and a chair.  I drank my first beer while flitting around the room and introducing myself to the people who had come in from out of town to hang out and celebrate (DelaWHAT? Delaw[h]ere? Okay, I guess you had to be there.)  I had just purchased my second beer and saw a free seat at a table. Ah, sweet feet relief.

With my right hand on the table, and my left hand holding the beer, I approached the bar stool and shifted my weight over my left leg so I could get my right butt cheek on the chair and slide on in.

WRONG

My left leg went numb and weak.  It gave out under me.
In my milliseconds of panic, I realized that I was still holding my beer and that if I didn't do something, it would get everywhere and on everyone.  I tilted it toward myself and made the sound of  what can only be called a dying egret. I landed on my ass with a thud and beer soaking my shirt and jeans.

My back injury always catches me at the most in opportune times (ahem, in the shower).  But this was the first time that I actually lost feeling in my leg and fell in around friends.  (Once in college the same happened, but it was during taekwondo while throwing a roundhouse kick)

I'm so very lucky that my friend E was nearby.  He and I have discussed my injury (and his injuries) quite a great deal. He knew to wave people off from trying to lift me up immediately (until I knew that everything was working and until I caught my breath).  He stood guard as I gathered myself and took stock of what happened, and when I finally got myself vertical.

The next day, E posted this on his G+ page:


It was a good reminder to me that although I may have had people in that room happy/amused to see me fall, that I always get up.  I've been dealing with this injury for 17 years (at varying degrees) and never once have I just laid on the ground and pitied myself.  I've never asked for special considerations (other than just patience) and I've never asked for people to do for me what I could do for myself (though, I'm always grateful for assistance when I can't do for myself).  

It reminded me of New Rule #8:  Even on your worst day, you can be someone's hero. 

And maybe there needs to be a corollary to New Rule #8:  Even on your worst day, a heroic friend will be there to either help you up or be there when you get yourself standing under your own power. 

Said no one ever:

I went to the gas station and got too much gas, so I'm going to drive around for a few hours until I use up all that extra fuel. 

Said no one ever:

I'm going to go on a cross-country trip, but I don't need to put gas in the tank.  I'll run on fumes.

Cause that would be crazy.... right? Sadly, there are people doing this right now, but not to their cars, but to their bodies.  For National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I want to talk about a disorder that doesn't seem to get a as much press as anorexia or bulimia:  Exercise Bulimia (also known as compulsive exercising, anorexia athletica, hypergymnasia, or exercise addiction). 
Symptoms of Exercise Bulimia include:

• Inflexibility as to time of day and mode of exercise
• Exercise even when sick or injured
• Prioritizing exercise over social dates, family functions, work, or school
• Intense fear at states of rest
• Intense anxiety at situations where preferred method of exercise is unavailable
• Intense guilt when forced to stray from exercise routine
• Refusal to eat if unable to exercise

This first-person narrative really gets to the heart of exercise bulimia: 

But a couple of years after the program, I decided I want to eat [she was anorexic and bulimic]. I didn’t want to be anorexic again and I didn’t want to be bulimic. The only thing I could think to do was to exercise -- that would then give me permission to eat. And that’s when the exercise addiction sort of replaced my eating addiction. In my late 20s and early 30s I became addicted to exercise. It was something I was doing three, four, sometimes five hours a day, doing it for a couple of hours before work and then spending three hours after work at the gym. I realize there are professional athletes and people who absolutely love to exercise. I am so impressed with the fact that they can do this. But I hate exercising because I take it to such an extreme. My body hurts, but I’m not listening to my body -- I keep pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.

This breaks New Rule #2:  I will do no harm to my body. 

1. Do you know how much is too much exercise? How do you know?
2. Do you think the culture of diet/weight loss bloggers encourages/promotes/enables unhealthy habits with regards to exercise?
3. If you thought you had a friend with exercise addiction, would you try to intervene? 
    

A 200lb woman walks down the street gnoshing on an Adobo Bean Quesadilla from Whole Foods.
Is she:
(a) ZOMG a fat girl eating!! How cliché!
(b) an athlete nourishing her body
(c) neither
(d) both

For as much as I'm FatGirl vs. World, sometimes I just don't know if I'm FatGirl vs. FatGirl, herself.  My mind plays tricks on me.  My mind thinks it can push my body around, telling my body which days are good and which days are bad (oh, the nerve of it!).  My mind projects its own insecurities into how other people view me.  I wonder whether my own biases and perceptions are ones that other people have.  I wonder if I'm doing all of this to prove something to myself or to prove something to the world.

6 sub-10 minute miles? Yes please!

The answer to those two questions is "both": 
I am a fat girl eating a fucking quesadillla because I just ran 6 miles and I know I need nourishment;  I am an athlete trying to prove something to myself (that injury and all, I can transform my health and body) and something to the world (that fat people aren't lazy couch surfers sucking on Twinkies all day).

I'm constantly having to remind myself of
New Rule Nos. 4, 4a, and now 4b and 4c. 

What is New Rule 4b?  I am on this journey because of the courage I had when I took the first step.
In other words, had it not been for the fat girl that had the epiphany, I wouldn't be who I am today.
People are always telling me that I'm not fat, or that I should change my name to FitGirl -- but the truth is that (1) fat brain never leaves most of us and (2) I owe a debt of gratitude to the 240lb version of me that survived all the pain and heartaches, all the injuries and rehabilitation, and came out strong enough to say "okay, this is the last time...gotta make it happen." She's my hero.

What is New Rule 4c? The journey is not a competition; it is a community, a movement, a calling.
I admit it:  I'm super jealous of all of your medals, all of your race shirts and bumper stickers, your milestones and your mileage.  I'm not jealous in the I'm-gonna-trip-a-bitch way, but in the "I'll never get to run with you" way.  But I really have to keep in mind that we are all doing this together, each in our own way -- proving to the world that we're not the number on the scale.  We're much bigger and stronger than that.  For whatever reason, we've all decided to share our stories, our highs and our lows, our victories and epic catastrophes.  We decided we didn't want to go it alone.

And on a more personal level, okay -- so I have to do it slower because of my degenerative disc disease, but I'm still doing it.  And you all are inspiring me to keep on going.  Which brings me to the codification of New Rule 8 (though I've mentioned it before, I never formally made it a New Rule):  Even on your worst day, you can be someone's hero.

So, so what if the world sees me as a lazy couch surfer sucking on a Twinkie?  People even judge/misjudge everyone else.  It's just a function of being human.  It doesn't matter how perfect or imperfect you think you are, somewhere out there in the world is someone who will completely miss the mark.  But, the opposite is true -- there's at least one person out there who can see the whole picture.  If one person out there sees that a 200lb woman can run 6 sub-10 minute miles uphill on an elliptical and decides to start their journey because of it, well then, it's not for nothing.  If on one of my bad days when I'm laid up in bed I can remember that I have done such epic feats, then it's not for nothing. 

And all that jealousy? Really it's just admiration and a desire to achieve what every one of you have borne witness to:  that is, the journey to be extraordinary each in our own unique way.  There are no rules and no finish line for that, is there?

1.  I've been so bad about reading other people's blogs (though I'm getting caught up -- this entry is littered with links from my past blogs as well as other people's blogs that I enjoy...so clicky clicky!).  I've been busy with life (now that the wedding is getting closer we've had Nancy's bridal showers, her bachelorette party is coming up, and I have 40 something days to look good in the dress).  I haven't had internet at home. I feel like I'm being a bad employee--that I'm distracted by my second life (how do superheroes juggle it all?).  I take comfort in knowing that you all go through the same questions of balance in your life and hopefully you can forgive me while I'm out of balance.  For that, I thank you.

2. Which brings me to this:  courtesy of Ms. Angela Pea, we have New Rule #6:  "Persistence, not perfection."  My usual mantra is "Sweat is fear leaving the body."  Yet, Angela's words have been echoing in my mind for the past few weeks when I feel like I've been failing (ugh... stress monster!).  That and Chris' poignant conversation with me that everyone struggles.  It's life. It's not failure. I repeat: everyone struggles.  Everyone struggles.  And we all have the opportunity to recover from those struggles.

3. And speaking of Chris, isn't he a sweetheart?  I don't want to come off as patronizing, but I 100% believe in Rule #1 (Leave No One Behind).  I just think that his story is not just compelling, but it is heartbreaking as well.  I want his life to change for the better and I'm committed to helping him however I can.  I'm so thankful to BodyMedia for supplying his BodyMedia Fit device AND a subscription.

4. Also in New Rules, we have a corolary to New Rule #4 ("I will not judge someone without recognizing the journey they are on first"):  4a.  "I will not let someone else's judgement of me change how I feel about myself."  I was really blown away by the comments to my last post about telling off the guy who called me a fatass.  The new rule could have easily been "Stand up for yourself" but I think it's more important to emphasize knowing who you are versus having a thick skin.  When you know who you are and what you are made of, you become unshakable in a sincere way. 

5. Harsh reality:  my favorite drink (medium 2% dark hot cholate with whipped cream) at Caribou Coffee is 580 calories.  **dies a little**  That makes Karen's Pumpkin Spiced Latte look skinny-ish.  Oh well, good thing I love tea.

6. It's so weird to watch The Biggest Loser (you should read Brigitte's post).  When I first started watching it many years ago, I cried because I wished someone would pull me out of the abyss and put me on the right path.  Now I know I'm on the right path, don't need anyone else to help me (but encouragement is always appreciated) because I am strong and capable enough myself, and don't need to be on a tv show to prove that I've made this committment to myself.  At the same time, seeing all the people in the audiences in each city that really need the help pulls on my heartstrings. I go back to Rule #1 all the time: Leave No One Behind.   So I want to hear some stories about how you are paying it forward.

7. People are really starting to get on my case about my pseudonym, FatGirl vs. World.  The thing is this: no matter how fit or small I get, the FatGirl is the one who did all the work.  She's been with me all of my life.  She's the one who has suffered the pain, the indignities, and the heartbreak of the body she had. She's also the one who had to make the decision to change. She is the one who will reap the rewards.  I'm not calling myself FatGirl as a way to demean myself, I'm honoring her. I'm carrying her everywhere I go.  She is the part of me that is able to empathize with all of your journeys.  Just because I'm losing weight doesn't mean I'm ditching the heart and soul of the FatGirl; I'm just ditching her behaviors around food and exercise.

8.  I'm putting this at 8, not because it's not important, but because 8 is my lucky number... and this is a very special thing to write about.  I'm actually all teary-eyed writing it.  I'm so, so, so, proud of Vinny for getting under 300.  I'm so glad he feels like he can join the party.  I remember standing on the scale when my weight went under 200 for the first time in over a decade.  My legs went weak and I felt like I was going to faint.  And then I just cried my little heart out.  I knew it was more than just a milestone, but it was a flag in the sand. It was a statement that I owned my body and I would never get over 200 again.  Vinny is more than just an inspiration, but he is a rock for every time life (i.e. dating) gets me down and always finds the nicest things to say about me (and everyone) without even knowing that I needed to hear it.  My dear friend, congratulations.

9.  So I ordered a dress for Nancy's bachelorette party, but when I got it, it looked more Rehearsal Dinner-worthy.  I am accustomed to Victoria's Secret's clothing running small, so I ordered the dress in XL.  And it was too big. Just way too big.  At some point in this whole journey I'm hoping that my mind will catch up with what my body is doing and I'll stop thinking of myself as the 240lb girl when I'm the 192 (and holding) pound girl.  Oh well. Back to the drawing board on the dress. 

I've also told Emily that she gets the honors of getting rid of my fat pants by her method of choice.  It's weird when the clothing you have grown to love no longer loves you back.

10.  Just gonna put it out there:  Patrick has some of the funniest pictures on his blog. Check it out.

11.  I think everyone needs inspiration and motivation.  For the longest time that has been my BFF, Emily. I'm not saying she doesn't inspire me every day, because she TOTALLY  does.  I am just really blessed to have more and more people to not only look up to but to lean on when I'm feeling the struggle.  One of those people is Tara.  I think the best way I've found to put it is that we don't need to explain what we say. There's instant understanding.  But I just want to gush a little about her -- mainly because the past week (and I'll be honest here) I've felt really down because of her.  She's doing things like triathlons and badass dead lifting.  I know that because of my back I'll never be able to do those things.  So I had a little jealousy.  Okay, I was very jealous of her progress. While I'm stagnating at 192, she's dropping lbs like panties on prom night.  But I can also honestly say that the jealousy comes from such a good place (and here comes the gushing):  I want to see myself as strong as she is.  I want to see myself as couragous as she is.  I look up to her.  Even on her bad days she is still my hero.  And on her good days? I'm lucky enough to bear witness to all of her accomplishments and call her "friend."

12. Is it just me or as you lose weight, you bruise more easily?  I mean, how do you bruise your inner-tube stomach?

13. Enough writing for now. I'm off to go have a lunchtime walk with a coworker. I can't wait for the weather to actually resemble fall weather so we can do it more often.  I like getting outside to exercise. Being in the gym has its rewards (caloric burn) but hanging out with a friend while walking for 50 minutes outside does as well.

A little over a month ago I wrote about the first New Rule -- Leave No One Behind -- and I don't think I really explained all of my reasoning behind this.

As a reminder....

If you meet someone who expresses their desire to make a positive change, it's your job to encourage them. It doesn't need to be much. You can just be there to listen, to be a cheerleader, to give tips and hints, or even go for a walk/jog with them. But the new rule is "Leave No One Behind." If they choose to confide in you, you're now a part of their successes and failures. They took the first step, now show them they're not alone.

The thing is this -- and I know you will all have your own story to tell about this (please do!!) -- is that at some point in our lives, someone noticed the dangerous path we were headed down, and did nothing to stop us.  Let me rephrase:  there was all a time when we needed help and guidance and someone failed us.  Sure, they might not have thought it was their duty, but I don't care about duty.  I'm talking about compassion.

I wonder what my life might have been like had my gym teacher in second grade said "Hey, I know you're having a hard time running the mile run.  I'm going to run with you for a little bit and teach you how to run so you don't have trouble breathing" instead of saying "hurry up, everyone is waiting for you!"

What kind of body would I have now if, back when my grandmother died, my parents actually talked to me about what I witnessed (yep, I was in the room when she expired) instead of letting me express my sadness and confusion through eating?  The same goes for when my mom died:  What would my life be like now if my father hadn't overwhelmed us/me with his own grief and allowed me to have my own?  What if he he had insisted we all go to a family therapist and talk about our pain and grief.  What if someone had noticed his floundering and stepped in and said "Hey, do you need someone to talk to about parenting stuff?" 

I know I can't go back and fix what happened in the past.  I can reach back into my memories and change the focus of the lens to be more understanding, but that's about it.  However, what I can do is honor that little kid who needed help by helping other people who might be in the same position.  Granted not everyone wants the help. They need to be receptive of it.  But my background makes me willing to help just about anyone who asks for the help.  Why?  Because I know how hard it is to (1) need help and (2) ask for it. 

So this is what I'm going to leave you with -- not a challenge or a question, but a humble request that you do a favor for 7-year old me and maybe a favor for the person you were who needed help, and gently help someone towards a healthier, and happier life.

((and I think this is why I'm still so mad about the nurse -- there are so many people who have the ability to actually help people who are unhealthy (obese, overweight, anorexic, bulimic, etc.) and just choose not to because of their own prejudices.  Thank goodness there are people more than willing and more than dedicated to take on this task.))

When I walk down the street I see tons of skinny people.  I either rightly or erroneously assume that these stick thin people are that way naturally.

I know this is true for some people.  They are just gifted with amazing metabolisms that laugh in the face of a challenge like a cupcakes, a hamburgers, or frozen margaritas.

I don't think I ever want someone to see the future, skinny, healthy me walking down the street and think anything other than "Holy crap, she really puts in a lot of thought and work into keeping herself healthy."  I don't want anyone to assume that my current, work-in-progress body is a result of me being anything less than diligent.

So, the lesson for me (once again) is that everyone has a back story.  I shouldn't resent someone because they're skinny, I shouldn't pity someone who is overweight (though I have tons of empathy/compassion).  Who knows, they might be that way because they're unhealthy and deserve of my compassion as well.

First of all, the Center for Disease Control has a great Web site about weight loss.  You should check it out for all of its information, tips, guides, etc.

But I want to hilight one thing that I think a few people need to hear:

[E]vidence shows that people who lose weight gradually and steadily (about 1 to 2 pounds per week) are more successful at keeping weight off. Healthy weight loss isn't just about a "diet" or "program." It's about an ongoing lifestyle that includes long-term changes in daily eating and exercise habits.

(emphasis added).  So please, no more obsessing over not having lost a ridiculous amount of weight in one week.  Do not stress if you haven't lost weight in one week (it's about the trend, not the specific weigh-in, as many things can cause your body to fluctuate up or down 1-2lbs every day). 

So... New Rule (#5)

1.  Leave No One Behind -- if someone asks for help, give it.
2.  I will do no harm to my body.
3.  I will not think badly when I look at myself in the mirror.
4.  I will not judge someone without recognizing the journey they are on first.
5.  I dictate how I feel about myself, not the scale.

So much of me wants to delete my previous post -- as it's a little embarrassing and the result of 4 Coronas. Embarrassing for two reasons:  the content; and I used to be a bartender (I'm trying not to drink/as much as it's wasteful calories while drinking and usually makes the next day a waste).

But about the content... for as much as I hate being a pity party, or try not to seek validation from anyone but myself, what I wrote was true to what I was feeling at the moment, so it stays.  That journalistic integrity strikes again!

I was thinking about it while I was showering (where all my best thinking happens) and I think one of the reasons why I'm so frustrated is that when a person sees you, they don't know your past or the future you're aiming for.  They see you in one moment of time and make a judgment based on that.  In other words, they don't know the journey.

When a guy sees me in a bar, he doesn't know I used to weigh 240 lbs, be an obsessive skin picker, and wear braces.  He just sees someone that's 198lbs, has okay skin, and okay teeth (that need to be whitened, as I'm not a fan of their color).

The second reason I think I am embarrassed is that I'm so guilty of it as well.  While I (rightly?) shoot down some men (like married ones, or ones in relationships) I often don't let guys get out the first sentence before I know whether I'm interested or not.  Case-in-point?  Old guys, bald guys, short guys, and blue collar guys seem to love me.  And I'm judging them b/c I like guys close to my age, with some hair, that are tall (aren't they fun to climb?) and that are wickedly smart (I want to be able to learn and grow with someone).

I really don't want to be known as self-centered, superficial, and/or judgmental.  That's not what I expect of myself.  So comes another "New Rule."

Let's first rehash the old ones:

1.  Leave No One Behind -- if someone asks for help, give it.
2.  I will do no harm to my body.
3.  I will not think badly when I look at myself in the mirror.
4.  I will not judge someone without recognizing the journey they are on first.

So that leads me to a question:  What do you want people to notice about you before they make up their minds?

I'm just going to put this out there as I'm still absolutely beat from yesterdays' run+softball game+softball game and it seems to be timely: 

If you find yourself lacking motivation, willpower, or energy to get your butt to the gym/outside/in gear... ASK SOMEONE.  Like seriously people... we are all trying to get healthy.  That's a noble goal.  It's no time to let your ego get in the way. People will not judge your form, your outfit, your body, but they will applaud your effort.

Don't worry -- one day you'll be able to help someone else, but for now it's okay to ask for it.
So come on people... let's get the energy up, the passion lit, and our bodies in motion.

On being called "the chubby Renee Zellweger" in the media years ago:

"My feelings were so hurt by that story, I ended up bingeing on an entire cake. Afterward, I actually tried to throw it all up, but thankfully I couldn't do it. It made me think, 'I can't go down this road.' I had seen so many performers develop eating disorders or try to control their weight with drugs, and I decided I would do no harm to my body."

Her advice to women:
"We should be more like men, God bless 'em. They can take their shirts off and show their man boobs, and they don't give a hoot. But women are so critical of themselves. We can be gorgeous and hot and still be embarrassed to wear a tank top. So if you can't stop looking in the mirror, at least try to not think badly about yourself when you do."

2. I will not think badly about myself when I look in the mirror.
 
I'd love to see you all repost/link this to your blogs and/or to send me a comment that you'll do the same.

Let us rise up and be thankful,
for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little,
and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick,
and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die;
so let us all be thankful.  ~ Buddha

I wouldn't say that I love sugar, as there are some things that are very sugary that I don't like, but I do have a sweet tooth, namely for chocolate.

I like to joke around that I like my men like I like my chocolate:  dark, bitter, and wrapped in foil.  However, I've found something at Whole Foods that is making me rethink at least the foil part: 

They're not too bad in terms of ingredients.  And while they have fat and sugars, I also find that I can't eat the recommended serving size in one go of it.  Just a few of the little clusters really does the trick to curb my sweet tooth.

I can see using these on top of some fresh Raspberry Sorbet from my favorite gelateria, Dolcezza.  (OMG, I tasted their avocado honey orange sorbet this morning at the FreshFarms Farmer's Market.... absolutely delicious... but I live and die for their raspberry sorbet as well as their thai coconut gelato ((with sliced mangos and toasted sesame seeds on top)).  I could even mix a few in with some greek yogurt for a little crunchy treat.  Or for the daring breakfast lover, maybe even make blueberry pancakes with a few of these mixed in.

It just reinforces my belief that dieting isn't about deprivation, it's about (1) food quality and (2) being creative with ingredients.  I see food quality as honoring the ingredient by not over-processing it or trying to disguise its true nature as well as how it was grown and cultivated.  Being creative with ingredients means learning new recipes and perhaps even stepping outside of your comfort zone.

The other big news from the Farmer's Market is that the SPRING CHICKENS ARE HERE!!! I was ecstatic to see them.  I am considering roasting the chicken and then making a strawberry thyme sauce (I should have gotten sage, but I panicked) with roasted red potatoes and zucchini on the side.

Again, this goes back to the post about the Farmer's Market (see hyperlink above): it seems insincere to talk about processed food with any sort of passion when the fresh, natural, farm-raised, good stuff inspires not just hunger but joy.  I am an emotional eater, and I'd be willing to say even an emotional chef.

I derive pleasure from not only the eating of food, but the creation of dishes.  When I cook something and someone else tells me it's delicious, it's almost better than great sex.  I love seeing ingredients and being able to create something in my head without knowing whether it will taste good or not.

I'd be wrong to say that nutrition is an easy thing.  If I were to say that, it'd undercut the scores of people out there with eating disorders, extra weight, or who are malnourished.  It's this beautifully complex symbiosis between us and the world.  It excites the explorer in me. 

Like I said, I'm an emotional eater, or at least I have the proclivity to be one.  I define it as using food to cover emotions, boredom, stress, depression, etc.  The emotions I feel when I have beautiful food around me cannot be included in the same group of negative reasons to eat.  I feel a joyful exuberance.  If that's not the right emotion to feel when eating (if not a neutral feeling) well then I don't want to be right.

A very important moment in my whole dieting experience was realizing how restaurants make money:  mediocre restaurants make money with volume and great restaurants make money with quality.  For example, the Olive Garden's menu has very few items that are so complicated that they require absolute precision in the kitchen.  They fill you with bread and salad and gigantic entrees.  A great restaurant will put together a dish that has layered flavors, creative uses for the ingredients, and shows off technique. 

Think about going to a great restaurant, such as my experience of going to Wolfgang Puck's The Source (in DC) with gourmand friends of mine to celebrate a dear friend's birthday.  Someone ordered the "Spicy Tuna Tartare, Sesame-Miso Cones, Shaved Bonito, Tobiko" (one of his signature dishes).  I had no idea what most of that meant other than high quality raw tuna served creatively.

But compare this to a pile of nachos, or cheese fries, or chicken wings.  There's something very graceful and beautiful about this food.  There should be joy when consuming it.  You are ingesting something worthy of time and care, not a deep fat fryer. We sat around sampling this appetizer (3 cones for 8 people!) as well as the entrees that each of us ordered and tried to figure out what was in them, how they were prepared, and were just overwhelmed with the feeling of "you have to try this" and passing our plate to another person.  We all left feeling full, not just on food, but on the experience we shared with each other.

At this point I'm rambling, but if I could just impart one thing, one tiny piece of wisdom that as a 28 y/o woman it has taken a lifetime to learn:

You are worthy of nutritious, beautiful, tasty food.   You are worthy of something that takes more than 30-minutes to prepare.  You are worthy of a great ingredient, even if it means that you can't have a lot of it (i.e. go for the good whole chicken that costs $16 but lived its life among grass, and bugs, and sunlight rather than the $10 extra value pack of factory processed chicken thighs -- it might mean your portions are smaller and the chicken doesn't go as far, but that is okay, you will survive and be better for it).  You are worthy of eating food from a plate that was cooked on a stove versus eating food from a plastic dish that was cooked in a microwave.  You are worthy of the time it takes to sit and savor something.  And most importantly, you are worthy of feeling hungry.  Feeling hungry does not mean you have failed at providing your body with what it needs, it means you are listening to your body and respecting its cues.

Read this paragraph over and over until it becomes your mantra.  You won't feel like you're depriving yourself of something you want, but you're making a choice to honor your body, the work you do to keep it healthy, and I'd even go a step further and say you're honoring the person you will be tomorrow by not making that person deal with the residuals from today.

For way too long it's been socially acceptable to look down on fat people as lazy, without willpower, slovenly, etc.  It's okay to think they love Twinkies more than they love their health.

So I'm changing the rules. 

If you meet someone who expresses their desire to make a positive change, it's your job to encourage them.  It doesn't need to be much.  You can just be there to listen, to be a cheerleader, to give tips and hints, or even go for a walk/jog with them.  But the new rule is "Leave No One Behind."  If they choose to confide in you, you're now a part of their successes and failures.  They took the first step, now show them they're not alone.

Why am I adamant about this?  Had it not been for one of my closest friends making the huge change in her life, I wouldn't have found the courage to even believe I was capable of such change.  She doesn't always realize it, but I'm her biggest fan.  I'm in awe of her strength, her humor, her successes and even her losses.  Because she's able to get back up on the horse, I know I can as well.

On my bad days she tells me she's been there too, that cheese is taunting me, and that one bad day will not and can not derail me.  I can only hope to be that person to other people.  And so should you.

So yesterday was Pay It Forward Day. 
I think the overweight/obesity epidemic is something that requires a societal change, and most of all, support from each other. 

A while ago, I wrote my father an email, and I find myself forwarding it to a few people at work.  I'm going to share it with you all here.  Now keep in mind, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nutritionist, and I've not yet won my battle. But these are the things I've picked up along the way:

You asked for some information regarding the GoWear Fit device that I'm wearing. The links to their Web site are below, as well as to Amazon.com (where there are reviews, and it's a little less expensive). You get 3 months of the Web application with purchase of the devise. If you sign up for 1 year, it's 7-8 bucks a month. That's two Starbucks chai lattes.

In typical Robby fashion, I didn't want to give you that information in a vacuum, so I've provided a ton more information to you.

I love you lots! Good luck.

-Robby

My life began to change when I moved out on my own-- away from a family that didn't know how to be healthy, and away from a university with fast food in its food court (as well as ridiculous portion sizes).  The biggest change was living with my now friend Katie.  I originally met her when I was listing a room in my apartment to be rented.  She responded and we instantly hit it off (mainly because my cat really liked her). But I didn't realize how much she would change my life until we began to cook together, and she taught me one of the biggest lessons I can ever impress upon anyone:  Beans!

Okay, it wasn't just about beans, it was about so much more than that.  Before Katie, the only beans I had ever eaten were Campbell's Pork & Beans (my mom would add maple syrup, butter, marshmallows, onions, bacon, or pineapple depending on her mood).  With Katie, I learned the simplicity of a bean.  The garbanzo, the kidney bean, and even non-bean ingredients such as lentils. The lesson was more than the bean, it was about exploring food, honoring ingredients and honoring the body I was putting the food in. Before Katie, I had never eaten Indian or Thai cuisines, and now I'm infatuated with them.

Stephen Sondheim wrote in Into the Woods "The difference between a cow and a bean is a bean can begin an adventure."   And in my case that was so true.

Over the years I've become more comfortable with trying foods that I had never tried before (just think, I was 17 before ever having a non-maraschino cherry, and I didn't even know what it was). I'm also more confident that the food I create from scratch is much healthier than something that has been pre-packaged.  I even started venturing out to farmer's markets on a regular basis to see what they had (among my discoveries, I love buffalo meat, eggs from chickens that live as chickens should, unhomogenized milk, mache, etc and so on.

Recently, one author has really summed up much of what I feel about food -- and that's Michael Pollan.   He's not a doctor or a nutritionist but a journalist.  In his books ( The Omnivore's Dilemma, In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto, Food Rules, for example) he often reiterates the same points (so while I love his message, it's not necessary to read everything he's written unless you want to know the back story behind everything). On the cover of "In Defense of Food," he sums it up all very nicely in 7 words:  "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."  The largest part his books have been about describing what he means by "food."  He began his journey, I believe, with the premise that "food" isn't as intuitive as it used to be because of the industrialization of food and the distance each person has from the origins of the food they eat.  In Food Rules, he explains to the reader what he considers to be food.   Here's the Reader's Digest version: 

1. Don't eat anything your great grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. "When you pick up that box of portable yogurt tubes, or eat something with 15 ingredients you can't pronounce, ask yourself, "What are those things doing there?" Pollan says.
2. Don’t eat anything with more than five ingredients, or ingredients you can't pronounce.
3. Stay out of the middle of the supermarket; shop on the perimeter of the store. Real food tends to be on the outer edge of the store near the loading docks, where it can be replaced with fresh foods when it goes bad.
4.  Don't eat anything that won't eventually rot. "There are exceptions -- honey -- but as a rule, things like Twinkies that never go bad aren't food," Pollan says.
5. It is not just what you eat but how you eat. "Always leave the table a little hungry," Pollan says. "Many cultures have rules that you stop eating before you are full. In Japan, they say eat until you are four-fifths full. Islamic culture has a similar rule, and in German culture they say, 'Tie off the sack before it's full.'"
6. Families traditionally ate together, around a table and not a TV, at regular meal times. It's a good tradition. Enjoy meals with the people you love. "Remember when eating between meals felt wrong?" Pollan asks.
7. Don't buy food where you buy your gasoline. In the U.S., 20% of food is eaten in the car.

Not bad, eh?


I firmly believe that the key to success when it comes to either losing weight or gaining health (they sometimes go hand-in-hand) is by eating actual food -- and tuning out what the Food Industry has to say about what you have to eat.  Yes, there are guilty pleasures that we all succumb to (cheetos!), but the reason why they're a guilty pleasure is that despite wanting something we know what's better.  We know what is better and yet the Food Industry has a louder voice.  Why is this so? 


What if we lived in a world where we walked into a grocery store or food market and 90% of the food there was truly good for us, and only 10% were the guilty pleasures.  What if those guilty pleasures cost three or four times the cost of the good things for us? 


Seriously, read this (and the numbers are marginally increasing, not decreasing--and I think the reason for the numbers not increasing at such a great rate is because the number of obesity-related deaths have increased):  


Among Americans age 20 and older, 145.0 million are overweight or obese (BMI of 25.0
kg/m2 and higher):
⎯ 76.9 million men. 
⎯ 68.1 million women.
Of these, 74.1 million are obese (BMI of 30.0 kg/m2 and higher):
⎯ 34.7 million men. 
⎯ 39.4 million women.  

(NHANES [2003-2006], NCHS and NHLBI.)
Also good info: http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/index.html

Seems to me that the Food Industry, despite all their claims, are part of the problem, not the cure.