I do enjoy lists, I really do.

1.  I've been so bad about reading other people's blogs (though I'm getting caught up -- this entry is littered with links from ...

1.  I've been so bad about reading other people's blogs (though I'm getting caught up -- this entry is littered with links from my past blogs as well as other people's blogs that I enjoy...so clicky clicky!).  I've been busy with life (now that the wedding is getting closer we've had Nancy's bridal showers, her bachelorette party is coming up, and I have 40 something days to look good in the dress).  I haven't had internet at home. I feel like I'm being a bad employee--that I'm distracted by my second life (how do superheroes juggle it all?).  I take comfort in knowing that you all go through the same questions of balance in your life and hopefully you can forgive me while I'm out of balance.  For that, I thank you.

2. Which brings me to this:  courtesy of Ms. Angela Pea, we have New Rule #6:  "Persistance, not perfection."  My usual mantra is "Sweat is fear leaving the body."  Yet, Angela's words have been echoing in my mind for the past few weeks when I feel like I've been failing (ugh... stress monster!).  That and Chris' poignant conversation with me that everyone strugglesIt's life. It's not failure. I repeat: everyone strugglesEveryone struggles.  And we all have the opportunity to recover from those struggles.

3. And speaking of Chris, isn't he a sweetheart?  I don't want to come off as patronizing, but I 100% believe in Rule #1 (Leave No One Behind).  I just think that his story is not just compelling, but it is heartbreaking as well.  I want his life to change for the better and I'm committed to helping him however I can.  I'm so thankful to BodyMedia for supplying his BodyMedia Fit device AND a subscription.

4. Also in New Rules, we have a corolary to New Rule #4 ("I will not judge someone without recognizing the journey they are on first"):  4a.  "I will not let someone else's judgement of me change how I feel about myself."  I was really blown away by the comments to my last post about telling off the guy who called me a fatass.  The new rule could have easily been "Stand up for yourself" but I think it's more important to emphasize knowing who you are versus having a thick skin.  When you know who you are and what you are made of, you become unshakable in a sincere way. 

5. Harsh reality:  my favorite drink (medium 2% dark hot cholate with whipped cream) at Caribou Coffee is 580 calories.  **dies a little**  That makes Karen's Pumpkin Spiced Latte look skinny-ish.  Oh well, good thing I love tea.

6. It's so weird to watch The Biggest Loser (you should read Brigitte's post).  When I first started watching it many years ago, I cried because I wished someone would pull me out of the abyss and put me on the right path.  Now I know I'm on the right path, don't need anyone else to help me (but encouragement is always appreciated) because I am strong and capable enough myself, and don't need to be on a tv show to prove that I've made this committment to myself.  At the same time, seeing all the people in the audiences in each city that really need the help pulls on my heartstrings. I go back to Rule #1 all the time: Leave No One Behind.   So I want to hear some stories about how you are paying it forward.

7. People are really starting to get on my case about my pseudonym, FatGirl vs. World.  The thing is this: no matter how fit or small I get, the FatGirl is the one who did all the work.  She's been with me all of my life.  She's the one who has suffered the pain, the indignities, and the heartbreak of the body she had. She's also the one who had to make the decision to change. She is the one who will reap the rewards.  I'm not calling myself FatGirl as a way to demean myself, I'm honoring her. I'm carrying her everywhere I go.  She is the part of me that is able to empathize with all of your journeys.  Just because I'm losing weight doesn't mean I'm ditching the heart and soul of the FatGirl; I'm just ditching her behaviors around food and exercise.

8.  I'm putting this at 8, not because it's not important, but because 8 is my lucky number... and this is a very special thing to write about.  I'm actually all teary-eyed writing it.  I'm so, so, so, proud of Vinny for getting under 300.  I'm so glad he feels like he can join the party.  I remember standing on the scale when my weight went under 200 for the first time in over a decade.  My legs went weak and I felt like I was going to faint.  And then I just cried my little heart out.  I knew it was more than just a milestone, but it was a flag in the sand. It was a statement that I owned my body and I would never get over 200 again.  Vinny is more than just an inspiration, but he is a rock for every time life (i.e. dating) gets me down and always finds the nicest things to say about me (and everyone) without even knowing that I needed to hear it.  My dear friend, congratulations.

9.  So I ordered a dress for Nancy's bachelorette party, but when I got it, it looked more Rehearsal Dinner-worthy.  I am accustomed to Victoria's Secret's clothing running small, so I ordered the dress in XL.  And it was too big. Just way too big.  At some point in this whole journey I'm hoping that my mind will catch up with what my body is doing and I'll stop thinking of myself as the 240lb girl when I'm the 192 (and holding) pound girl.  Oh well. Back to the drawing board on the dress. 

I've also told Emily that she gets the honors of getting rid of my fat pants by her method of choice.  It's weird when the clothing you have grown to love no longer loves you back.

10.  Just gonna put it out there:  Patrick has some of the funniest pictures on his blog. Check it out.

11.  I think everyone needs inspiration and motivation.  For the longest time that has been my BFF, Emily. I'm not saying she doesn't inspire me every day, because she TOTALLY  does.  I am just really blessed to have more and more people to not only look up to but to lean on when I'm feeling the struggle.  One of those people is Tara.  I think the best way I've found to put it is that we don't need to explain what we say. There's instant understanding.  But I just want to gush a little about her -- mainly because the past week (and I'll be honest here) I've felt really down because of her.  She's doing things like triathlons and badass dead lifting.  I know that because of my back I'll never be able to do those things.  So I had a little jealousy.  Okay, I was very jealous of her progress. While I'm stagnating at 192, she's dropping lbs like panties on prom night.  But I can also honestly say that the jealousy comes from such a good place (and here comes the gushing):  I want to see myself as strong as she is.  I want to see myself as couragous as she is.  I look up to her.  Even on her bad days she is still my hero.  And on her good days? I'm lucky enough to bear witness to all of her accomplishments and call her "friend."

12. Is it just me or as you lose weight, you bruise more easily?  I mean, how do you bruise your inner-tube stomach?

13. Enough writing for now. I'm off to go have a lunchtime walk with a coworker. I can't wait for the weather to actually resemble fall weather so we can do it more often.  I like getting outside to exercise. Being in the gym has its rewards (caloric burn) but hanging out with a friend while walking for 50 minutes outside does as well.

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20 comments

  1. You should really hang on to one of those fat ass pants: whenever you're doubting your ability to go on, just take one look at it. Or even put it on. It is s só rewarding!

    And yes, I do bruise more easily as well! I suppose we got rid of the fat buffer in between the skin and most of the blood vessels, no?

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  2. That's a lotsa links; I think I sprained my clickin' finger.

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  3. Thanks for all the great links - lots of reading to catch up on! ;)

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  4. Oh, Poor Jack! Eh..he'll Live!

    Bruise more easily? Yeppers. Not sure though if it's because of the lack of fat padding or just plain old age at this point.

    *SWAK*, Girl! You go!

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  5. I don't know whether it's b/c we don't have our fat padding or it's because our muscles/tissues are being asked to do so many things at once that healing isn't high on the list of priorities.

    Jack -- put some ice on the clicking finger. You'll survive.

    Gudrun -- I have more than enough reminders of where I am coming from. I just don't want the temptation to put them back on. Plus they fall off my butt.

    Angela -- watch it -- now my butt will have YOUR handprint on it.

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  6. Ok Ihave over a dozen tabs open in my browser now. And I haven't opened all of your links yet... but I am determined here, or is it I am deterred? The next half hour I have set aside her to read through these and wish I had a Pumpkin Spice Latte; yeah I've already read that link :-)

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  7. "Persistance, not perfection." YES

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  8. Patrick -- you don't have to read all the links at one time... you just need to know they're there :)

    MHP - why did you need to read this entry? You okay?

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  9. You and We can do this! Got to keep on working hard, and perserverance! I believe in you!

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  10. While I appreciate and love that you believe in me...
    I've found a way to believe in myself.
    It feels good.

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  11. I was feeling punky and guilty about being a slacker on my running this week. But this post brought the happy. :-)

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  12. Was a beautiful page. Thanks to the designers and managers...

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  13. MHP -- I'm glad i could bring you the happy :)

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  14. I had not seen "Persistence not perfection" before

    My motto (for weight loss AND life in general) for many many years has been :

    PROGRESS, not Perfection.

    I'm a < recovering > perfectionist

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  15. Sarah -- it's the same idea -- that we are moving toward our goals, not away from them.

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  16. I love your number 7! My fatgirl is always with me even when I'm trying to currently gain weight. She definitely suffered all the pain and anguish not only from the world but also from me. It's amazing how cruel we can be to ourselves...

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  17. Sarah -- we have been cruel to ourselves, but we also have the opportunity to be kind, gracious, and forgiving to ourselves.

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<3 Robby