FatGirl vs World

What "IT" am I talking about?

I've often talked about wanting to be part of the pack.  For the longest time, I thought I was relegated to the elliptical, unable to put foot to ground because of my bad back. But then the craziest thing happened:  I ignored the doctors and listened to my heart and mind.  I asked myself "but what if I can?" And an amazing thing happened:  not only could I, but it didn't kill me. I was fairly good at it. The last time I had raced (10k) was before my injury, and that was at an average of 13:42/mile.  Many years and injuries later, as well as a spinal surgery, I was expecting 15-minute miles and ended up between 10 and 11 minutes. 


On Tuesday, I woke up in the morning, fed the monsters (as well as myself), got myself dressed, and gave Spike his insulin.  I set out for a run.  I have been using different variations of the same route because I like the slight uphill/downhill and I know that the ground is fairly level.  But I really go for the view.


With the simple return of a nod, I felt like one of the pack. A subtle shift in my little heart, in my mind, towards knowing that I'm not approximating running:  I am running.  I may not hold any world records, but I am doing something that doctors didn't think I'd ever be able to do.

In a world where people are looking for "FitSpo" (fitness inspiration), I hope this inspires you to fight for yourself, to listen to your body, and improve upon what you did yesterday.  It may not be a photo of a half-naked female fitness model with a pithy quotation superimposed on it, but I want to leave you with this thought: 

So I have been working on that whole running thing...

I've been having an on-going conversation with a neighbor about fitness and running.  The first time we talked about it, he tossed out the idea of being run buddies.  That sent me into full panic mode because I still think that I look like QWOP when I run:



When I really look like this...


Am I the fastest runner in the world?  No.  Especially when contending with stop lights and French tourists asking me where the nearest Capital Bikeshare location is. I'm not the fastest person when I took a little break between miles 3 and 4 to chat with a woman that was walking along the Potomac (she was around mile 13 that day) in preparation for walking an entire marathon. I'm not the fastest person when I stop to take photos.

Key Bridge between miles 2 and 3

Flood Gates along the Georgetown Waterfront

But I think that's what I was getting at in my last post.  I have this fear of not being good at something (*ahem* or at not being the best at something) and therefore hiding it away and not letting my friends see it.  Okay, I may not be the best runner, and may not be able to keep up with my friends that run 8-minute miles, but maybe they don't want to me to run their pace, their race.  Maybe they want to run my pace, my race. Maybe I wasn't giving them the benefit of the doubt that they wanted to show me how to shave seconds off my time, or how to be more consistent, or how to work through foot pain (seriously, right foot? what was with the cramps?).

So this weekend, I asked my neighbor what his normal mile time was and he said "Low 10s with a weighted vest."  Zomg... weighted vest?? 30-40 additional pounds?  Wait what? 10 minutes?  You mean that I could probably run a mile or two with you and (1) keep up and (2) not look like death doing it? And so I said "let's make this happen." 

That person is a far cry from the FGvW who was afraid to ask her friends how to start running, what she should be feeling, how to adjust gait, etc.  That person is a far cry from the FGvW who is stuck in a rut on the elliptical.  That person is the FGvW that isn't letting doctors scare her in to worrying about possible injuries when her body is asking for something. 

Last night he sent me a text and asked me if I wanted to go for that run.  Unfortunately, I was asleep (at 6:30 pm) with a doozy of a migraine.  But I'd like to think that I would have said yes.  That's growth. Not bad for a girl the doctors didn't think would be able to stand up straight.

Sometimes I forget that I'm not good at everything. 

I went for a run Friday night and ran the first 2 miles in 21:56 (average of 10:57/mile), took a break to stretch my knee, and ran the last 2 miles in 20:42 (average of 10:21/mile).  On the elliptical, my PR is 8:23/mile and my average is 8:40/mile.


I know that running outside and running inside on a treadmill is different.  I know that running outside and running inside on an elliptical is apples and oranges.  But all the same, I'd really like to wake up one day and run outside and be awesome at it.  I'd look graceful and feel strong.  I'd bounce in all the right ways. Somewhere, deep down, I know that to take time off your run requires patience, practice, and perseverance.


So once again, I take this occasion to remind myself (in my blog, and as a person) that STRUGGLE isn't FAILURE.  It's all about how we respond to the challenge.  And I'm going to keep at this.

So I write this big long post yesterday about how I'm stuck in the gym for my running cause of my back.

Today I forgot my sports bras at home, so if I wanted to run, I'd have to go back home to get my bras, then go back to the gym.  But I didn't want to go back to the gym.  So I mapped out a 3.5 mile walk.

And then decided to not walk.

I ran on hard ground for the first time in a very long time (since 2006).  (even though it wasn't very fast, it's still running, darnit!)

It wasn't the fastest run.  It wasn't the most glorious run.  And I'm pretty sure that some part of my body is going to be sore tomorrow.  But the point was that I got out there and did something I didn't think I could do.

It still holds true that compression is not good for me, and that I shouldn't run on hard ground all the time, for long periods of time, or in a way that could hurt my back.  But so long as I'm mindful of these things, it's up to me to balance what I want to be doing in my life versus how much life I want to miss out on because of something that will happen eventually in my life.

I talk big game about #GoTheDist and this year's theme ("rebuild yourself") -- but maybe part of it is challenging ourselves to confront what we think are limits are.  I'm not saying we should go out and injure ourselves, but we should aim to discover just how exceptional we each are, how capable our bodies are, and how liberating it is to just let our body determine what it can do versus letting our mind sell ourselves short.

Who knows, maybe one day I'll be a part of a running pack after all.