There's a much bigger post that I should be writing...but I'm just not there yet.
All I'm really able to say is that chronic pain/chronic illness are tenacious beasts.
It's kinda like swimming in the ocean and a large wave comes out of nowhere. Sure, you're able to right yourself and get your head back above the surface the first time, but each subsequent wave takes a little out of you. It makes the struggle a little harder.
Sometimes, you get your head above water and take a really big breath and just let the next few waves go over you. It's easier than fighting every single wave. It isn't resignation, it's conservation. While you're under, there's some peace in floating and of being submerged.
But you have to get your head back above water and either you need a plan or you need help. Sometimes you need a bit of both.
I am okay.
I'm a strong swimmer.
I'm a bit stubborn.
But I'm not alone.