This Gift

This morning I woke up early.  Sometimes I sleep in a position that feels okay for a bit but will wake me up in oodles of pain. Today was o...

This morning I woke up early.  Sometimes I sleep in a position that feels okay for a bit but will wake me up in oodles of pain. Today was one of those mornings. Then I have a choice to make:  try for more sleep or start the day. 

I went to Twitter in search of an answer and found Erika Andersen's post about "Fit Mom" once again banking on her "What's your excuse" bullshit. You all know how I feel about her.

If you didn't already know, I will say it here:  not everyone has or wants the same body; sometimes an "excuse" is a very good reason; and we shouldn't use anyone else's body as permission to treat our own mind/body badly.

I am lying in bed, seething over "Fit Mom's" narcissism and lack of empathy. I am also trying to figure out if I will be able to walk without pain today. I know I bitch about my body all the time cause I feel that it is holding me back, but never doubt that I am thankful for every good day that it gives me. I am also fearful of the time when there are more bad days than good, but I try to not let that fear paralyze me. I think about all my friends who struggle and suffer their bodies more than I do--friends who have bodies that fail them every day from their DNA to their nerves to their bones to their muscles.  Those are the people that inspire me to honor my body with movement.

So I am here at the gym, moving slowly on an elliptical.  Not because I want to be or look like "Fit Mom" but because I know that if I keep moving that my back will loosen up. I keep moving because I can.

The first song on my iPod said it all (to the point that I have had it on repeat).  My "gift" isn't my body (sometimes it does let me down) but rather how I feel about my body (thankful, proud, strong, worthy) is the "gift" (and you can't PhotoShop that into/annotate that onto a picture):

)

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is waiting to be found

Your heart's in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require leaving
This gift will fall right in your hand
Just try to understand

If you long enough
And you don't give up
If you're strong enough
And you don't give up
And you

You'll be no harbor to the sorrow
Just let it go.

Don't hang your head in sorrow
Don't give up just before you win
Don't wait around for tomorrow
Open up your arms and let it in

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Just you believe it now

This gift will last forever
This gift will never let you down
Some things are made from better stuff
This gift is ready to be found
Your heart's in wide receiving
Been too long buried in the sand
Some things require believing
These things just fall right in your hand
Just try to understand

If you long enough
And you don't give up
If you're strong enough
And you don't give up 

I wish I could give you all the gift of loving and honoring yourself. It is armor and compass. It is a deep
breath and an infinite heart. 

And if you love yourself, you don't judge yourself by other people and you are generous enough to not ask them measure their worth through you. It isn't "What's your excuse?" it is "How can I help?"

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5 comments

  1. Hi Robby. I so relate to what you are saying. Far too many fitness people make a huge presumption that fat people are simply Unmotivated. Let me strap on a 100 lb vest on one of these trainers and let them see what it's like to live in my shoes!!!

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  2. @Grace -- I feel you. I'll just flatten a few of her lumbar discs while we're at it...

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  3. I have to get out of bed at 3:45 so I CAN get in a workout before I go to work with preschoolers all day. No choice for me.

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  4. I could kind of see where Fit Mom was coming from, but at the same time I understood why a lot of people were upset with her. She reminded me of all the articles and photos I see that praise celebrities for losing weight so soon after pregnancy; I think that puts too much pressure on women to lose weight when they've already got enough on their new mind (like the new baby).

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  5. People are entitled to their opinions, even if they are narcissistic. I saw a great saying the other day, along the lines of: "don't compare yourself to others, compare you to yourself's yesterday's version, and be proud as long as you improve day to day". the saying was much nicer, but the point is clear enough, i hope :)

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<3 Robby