I had gotten there many hours early so I could spend my first NYE in Times Square with a view. I was supposed to meet up with my college friend Romy, but because he got a later start, he was unable to reach the area where I was. Alone, I had no choice but to make friends with the people around me. A very handsome guy from Wisconsin named Andy decided that every hour on the hour, he'd celebrate by kissing me. I think we celebrated the New Year in six time zones, and few of the in-betweens. (**waves to Andy, wherever he may be**)
I was thinking about this last night as the final minutes of 2013 were ticking down. I've done the crazy NYE in Times Square. I've done the NYE at home in pajamas with the cats and a half pound of shrimp. I've been surrounded by family and friends. I've also spent many New Years completely asleep. How did I want to end 2013 and begin 2014?
I looked around the room and there were plenty of random, unattached men who I could borrow for a few seconds. There were friends I could hug and kiss on the cheek, but in the end, I took out my cell phone and decided that I wanted to reach out to the largest group of friends and acquaintances that I have: the Tweet began like this, "May all of you come to know in 2014 the place you hold in my heart..."
Before I could finish the Tweet (...Like a Tardis, my heart may be small, but it's bigger on the inside.") and send it in the last seconds of 2013, some random guy that I didn't know walked up to me. As 2014 began, the bar erupted into a kissing frenzy. He looked around, raised his glass to me, shook my hand and said "To the New Year's rejects."
I walked away when I should have slapped him across the face. I walked away when I should have read him the riot act and told him to not include me in his pity party. All the good will, love, and gratitude that I had felt in the end of 2013 (I blame Love Actually) drained from my body, and I began 2014 like this (weird timestamp though):
Instead of starting out 2014 the way that I wanted to (broadcasting a message of gratitude and love) I reached out to social media, my friends and my acquaintances alike, because I was just trying to keep a brave face (no one likes the crying girl in a bar).
For as much as I am a brazen, ballsy, strong person, I'm still a woman with feelings. And man, I had all the feels. I spent the next few minutes reading your kind Tweets reminding me that, in fact, boys are dumb and that he was projecting his issues onto me. He assumed that because I was on my phone at midnight, that I was unloved and unwanted. You all reminded me that that is the furthest thing from reality.
I retreated to the only safe place a woman has in a time like this -- the women's bathroom and had myself a good 30-second meltdown. The girls in there were so sweet and funny. They offered to find him and beat him up. I told him that he doesn't deserve that much attention from so many beautiful women. They patched me up and wiped away the Alice Cooper effect I had done to my eyes, and told me to not let one dumb boy ruin the new year.
Even so, I figured that was my cue to say goodnight to my friend/host of the party, Steve (who I have known since middle school). He asked me if I was having a good time, and as he was saying that, he noticed how red my eyes were and he asked what was wrong. I told him the story. He offered to throw the guy out of the bar personally. Then he pulled me into a big hug and said "He doesn't know you like I do and how far you've come. You are not a reject. Far from it."
This time it was happy tears. For as much as I wanted to send out a broadcast of love and gratitude, in the end I was the recipient of the message.
May all of you come to know in 2014 the place you hold in my heart. Like a Tardis, my heart may be small, but it's bigger on the inside.