At the end of last week, I posted this on Facebook:
It wasn't until I ran into a friend/coworker that I began to make some sense of it. She said that I was in a interstitial space. ("An interstitial space or interstice is an empty space or gap between spaces full of structure or matter.") In other words, I wasn't adrift in a sea of nothingness, but I was between two points in my life.
It seems that ever since starting this blog (and indeed, for a little longer than that even), that I've been engaged in many struggles to overcome injuries, moods, habits, relationships, etc. More recently, I spent the past two years with my neck injury and its rehabilitation. And now, for all intents and purposes, I'm healed.
So... now what?
I think for most of my readers, they get to this mental place when they hit their goal weight (something that I've yet to do), and they no longer have something to fight against. The new fight becomes not just maintenance, but how to live when every day isn't a struggle. When we've spent most of our lives suffering under the burdens we carry, and then this period where we learn our strength and cast off the burden, we then have no clue how to live each day with the aim to thrive.
Now, you must be thinking that the path is cleared for me to go full tilt, to actively go for my goal weight, and that's where my mind is. But I still feel that isn't a fixed point. I've never been a healthy weight in my adult life. Finding out my balance point is pretty much a crap shoot. I don't know what that's going to look or feel like, and I think that's making me scared. So not only am I in between two points, only one of those points is fixed (my past).
I don't think I've overdone it. I know some people absolutely kill it, meet their goals, and then suffer some sort of whiplash. Though I've done a lot in the gym this past year, it was at a slow and manageable pace. I didn't push my body past where it wanted to go. I just allowed for whatever my body would allow for. In the same time, I think I got apathetic with everything -- gym, food logging, food preparation, life.
Kudos to all of you who go out there every day and fight the good fight. I applaud your motivation. I applaud your courage. But man, even being that motivated requires so much energy sometimes. It'd be nice to have an auto-pilot sometimes that will just take me where I need to go without having to think about it so much.