Highs & Lows

Getting down to 188 lbs was awesome .  It was the culmination of a lot of work and dedication.  I was exercising on a regular basis, watchin...

Getting down to 188 lbs was awesome.  It was the culmination of a lot of work and dedication.  I was exercising on a regular basis, watching what I ate and logging about 85% of my weekly meals.  I was cooking for myself and enjoying trying new recipes.

And then I (1) got complacent and took a "break" (yeah, y'all know how that goes) (gained 5lbs) and (2) got injured (I hope y'all do not know how that goes) (see below).  I haven't had any consistent effort in the gym since hurting my back in February.  I went to the gym twice last week and spent the long weekend either in bed or walking around in pain.

FGvW would say "don't worry; focus on what you can do."  Robby, however, is all whiny and depressed. I never thought I'd see the day when I'd feel a loss of self, of identity without being able to work out and be strong.  I also feel like I have nothing new to say and/or that everything I do say is either "I'm injured" or "I'm depressed."

So yeah, you see two paragraphs up where I say I went to the gym? Well I made the mistake of jumping on a scale after a weekend of...shall we say.... indulging...


not happy at all

I can't use the same equation that I used over the past few years to lose the weight.  My back dictates what I can and can't do as well as what I should and shouldn't do. 

I know that I should watch what I eat, eliminate junk from my diet (including alcohol), and do what I can, when I can.  But right now I'm kinda stuck in a loop of feeling sorry for myself (for good reason!) and feeling unsure about my future prognosis. This makes ice cream look especially delicious.

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8 comments

  1. I have been going backwards as well. I know what has to be done but it can be hard to push yourself sometimes. Especially when so much is going on in your day.

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  2. @RedHot -- I think that "push yourself" can also work against you. I always tried to think about it as pulling myself -- the person I am supposed to be inviting me to join them, pulling myself toward them. It seemed less sisyphean.

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  3. Right there with you. Back to the Dr for me tomorrow. Ugh. I have no helpful words, but lots of gentle hugs and general solidarity. :\

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  4. Your weight is determined 80% by diet, 20% by a combination of activity and genetics. Stop blaming your injury for a 20+ regain. If you had built some muscle through working out, as you claim, and then stopped exercising altogether but adjusted your diet to compensate for the change in activity level (super clean, protein and veggies and water and no crap), you would actually have probably lost some muscle, and , consequently, a few pounds over the last eight months. It's your diet, not your injury, that is to blame.

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  5. Eilene -- I said that. Check yourself.

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  6. Anyone who has constructive or positive feedback doesn't frame it with "as you claim".... Given your forthrightness, just concentrate on those who support you in a positive manner and discard the rest <3

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  7. Lisa -- thanks for the support. I thought I was pretty clear with saying injury lead to depression lead to food. I am not an idiot.

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  8. Sorry to hear that you are struggling. I know when I'm in that mind set it takes me a long time to get out of it. I hope that is not the case for you, but trust me I know it's so hard. Depression is horrible. I don't know the extent of your back issues, but I also suffer from back pain (although right now I'm suffering more from bilateral hip pain). I started going to a chiropractor. I was against it at first, but it does seem to really help me. For me, my recent decision to start exercising (after a complete couch potato lifestyle for far too long) was because of my pain. I know if I strengthen my abs, and stretch out my hips and gain muscle, I'll be better. You might not be able to do the exercises you once did, but maybe try something different and maybe that spark will come back. I just started zumba, aquafit and yoga, all low impact because of my back and hip issues, but good workouts nonetheless.

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<3 Robby