Put Your Big Kid Underwear On

I find it kinda funny to be known for my strength/resilience because at times I'm a real wimp. Okay... let me rephrase... I even...

I find it kinda funny to be known for my strength/resilience because at times I'm a real wimp.

Okay... let me rephrase...

I eventually get around to being strong and resilient, but I either whine a bunch or have to psych myself up to doing it.

For instance, I'm afraid of needles.  They say that most people who are afraid of needles aren't actually afraid of the pain/gross factor, but that they had a bad experience in the past.  Well, that'd be true in my case:  When was young, I had an ingrown toenail that needed to be dealt with.  The doctor injected Novocaine through a very thick callous on my toe and the medication didn't work.  My phobia is so bad that I get dental fillings without Novocaine.

scared primate face
Getting my epidurals (2 for my back, 1 for my neck) were a HUGE deal for me.  My needlephobia manifested in vasovagal responses (I started to faint) each time. During the epidural procedure for my neck, the doctor actually wanted to halt and reschedule the procedure. I very clearly remember telling him something like "I didn't put on my big girl panties for nothing.  We're doing this."

So... back in February, I fell in the shower (I think it was more that I pinched a nerve and lost feeling in my legs).  In May, I went to the ER because I was in excruciating pain (again, while in the shower... I need a bathtub...) and the attending doc at the ER was a dillhole to me.  When I met up with my orthopedic doctor I left with a prescription for a discogram.  Sadly, this is not like a candygram:  It is not a message you send someone you love wherein an actor shows up your door in 70s garb, dances The Hustle, and hands you a bouquet of flowers.

I've procrastinated in making the appointment. Part of the problem was finding someone that does them, the rest of the problem was that I looked up discograms on the internets.  You guessed it -- MORE NEEDLES! But, I bit the bullet and called the neurosurgeon's office today.  It needs to be done.

I've grown too comfortable with saying that I can't do much because I'm injured.

So I'm gonna take a page from Roni and Carla and get my #wycwyc on.  A large part of my What-You-Can/When-You-Can has been walking with Ingress (a real-time, worldwide game of capture the flag -- Join the Resistance! I'm @YoursBluely -- and have walked 1025km since December!).  But there's more that I can do.  I need to get my diet back on point (okay, how many times have I said that?).  I need to use my pool (okay, it's not big, but I can walk laps in it).  I need to do my yearly physicals.

I need to put my big girl underroos on every day.

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5 comments

  1. I'm not scared of needles but I'm scared of the dentist. One time I told my dentist that I thought I might be having a reaction to the local anaesthetic they used because I always started trembling uncontrollably after an injection. No, she said, that is just fear. Look, you're trembling now and I haven't injected anything yet.

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  2. It sucks to have a fear like that. I am most impressed you put on your big girl underoos. Yep, you've got Wonder Woman Underoos on for making an appointment that involves needles when you are freaked out by needles.

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  3. I hate needles! It's weird because I am totally fine with tattoos but I hate getting shots. Makes no sense.

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  4. I like giving needles (I'm a nurse) but not a huge fan of getting them. I'll suck it up, but look the other way... Good for you for focusing on your health first and formost and facing your fears. Also, I'll have to look into this ingress thing... Sounds interesting!

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  5. @natalie -- I think we might be in the same camp. They can give you an anti-anxiety med if that helps you.

    @Meg -- you know I'm going to have to find actual Wonder Woman underroos now, right?

    @Alexis -- I damn near fainted this one time I went to a tattoo parlour to get a friend a gift certificate.

    @sonya -- I always try to find nurses that love giving shots and pride themselves on having a good reputation for finding veins. During one of my epidural procedures, the nurse who was putting in my IV when right on through my vein. And yes, look into Ingress -- it's a lot of fun.

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<3 Robby