(Centered) Self (Centered)

It's been almost a month, I know.  A little birdie reminded me that I'm due for a blog post and that I tend to go radio silent when...

It's been almost a month, I know.  A little birdie reminded me that I'm due for a blog post and that I tend to go radio silent when stressed or overwhelmed or inundated.

I could rehash everything that's been going on and that's ongoing but I'm exasperated with it all.  The endorphin levels of a constant fight-or-flight means I don't get to spend that time and energy taking care of myself, looking forward to new adventures, or even focusing on what I want versus what must be taken care of.

In other words, sometimes when you're underwater all you think about is keeping your head above water and not what it's like on the shore.  I'm getting to the point where I can stop struggling (a large part of that has to do with being in my new apartment), but I'm not quite to the shore.

What's ahead of me?  
September 27, 2014.

The 20-year anniversary of my mom dying. 

I read the book "Letters from Motherless Daughters" women wrote in to say that the pain of losing your mother stays with you, but changes over time and as you grow as a person.  I've found that to be quite true.  I don't feel the sting of it as much anymore, but I feel the pang of it.  

Lately I've been thinking about all those big landmarks in my life that I've yet to experience (love, marriage, kids, etc.) and I can't help but wonder that I'm not running straight at those things because I won'get get to call her up and giggle my way through telling her the details. 

And well... I want this for myself.  

my nephew, AV

What's on my shore?  Love.  Family.  Silliness.  Belonging.
And someone I love kissing me goodnight, saying "Let's do this again tomorrow." 

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5 comments

  1. I want that for you as well. <3

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  2. I've picked up blogging again after a long "life" hiatus. I feel ya. The struggle is daily. I have a feeling you will get all that you ask for and more though! :)

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  3. You will experience it all. (Love. Family. Silliness. Belonging.) And it will be beautiful in ways you can't even yet dream to imagine. M

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<3 Robby