The very first Fitbloggin was 2010. I hadn't heard about Fitbloggin back then. I was still a neophyte when it came to fitness/health/weightloss blogging. I was just finding my voice and just starting to find my community.
My very first year at Fitbloggin was 2011. Gotta admit that I was the one who had fitcrushes on some people. Tara and Sharla got to see me have an epic emotional breakdown upon just meeting them. I think I may have squeezed the stuffing out of Carla and squeeeeed with delight upon meeting Josie. I may have stalked Alan just for the hugs. In Amy and Elisha, I found people just as warped as I am. In other words, I realized that not only had I found my community, but my community had found me.
In 2012, I hesitated to go to Fitbloggin. I felt like a complete fraud showing up at a fitness conference when I had done so little to take care of my own body. Not only was I physically broken, but I was emotionally broken. I shut down and clammed up when I should have realized that my community was there to support me. In the end, I am so glad that I went. I didn't realize that the story that I was afraid of telling (about injury, depression, healing) was a story that people were able to connect with and needed to be told. More importantly, by leaning in to my fears and doubts, and on my friends/community, I left Fitbloggin12 feeling invigorated and hopeful about my prognosis. (I have a sneaking suspicion that it had to do with a little heart-to-heart with Janet and a message of love shared between Roni and I, both all about honoring what our bodies could do.)
Fitbloggin2013 just wasn't going to happen for me. Financially, physically, emotionally. I just didn't have it in me. For as much as I wanted to join you all in Portland and visit the Pacific NorthWest, it just wasn't my time.
I always saw the FatGirlvsWorld Brand as someone whose tenacity (okay, and hugs) was a force to be reckoned with. But the past two years really made me doubt that. It made me doubt that I had anything left to say, anything left to give. But perhaps that is my story -- despite getting knocked down, I always get up.
So....118 days until Fitbloggin2014 in Savannah and I'm still debating about whether I should go or not. Okay. I lied. I am not debating. I'm just probably going to wait until my next paycheck to make it all happen. After the year I've had so far, Kelly makes a great point:
[Update: Okay, I couldn't wait....]