Black Sheep Finds Herd

I think the best way to unclog my mind at this point is in list format, so here goes: 1.  I can't believe it's been almost a year ...

I think the best way to unclog my mind at this point is in list format, so here goes:

1.  I can't believe it's been almost a year since starting this blog.  I didn't realize how fast time has flown by! I've had such ups and downs the whole time.

2.  I thought about this because Mr. Jack Sh*t, Getting Fit posted my Why I Do This Here photo.  I wanted my photo to accurately represent not only why I began the journey on the blog, but why I continue it.  I don't care so much about what people think about me, but I care about what I put out into the world. 

3.  I started this blog for myself as a way to refute what the world was trying to tell me about my body (that I was worthless and needed to change in order to be deserving), how it wanted me to feel (ashamed).  Along the way, I've found all of you (**waves**) as well as myself.

4.  But over the past two days something absolutely amazing happened.  I won't go into specifics, but it has to do with finding out just exactly who was reading my blog.  One of those people emailed me this morning and I was in absolute tears (joyful ones at that). The email was unexpected, the author was more than unexpected, and the words were sincerely beautiful.  With all my heart I couldn't have predicted this email, but I am grateful for it.  It seemed like a lifetime in the making.

5.  We all say this is for ourselves, but I think everyone wants to connect in some way or another with another person.  We want the validation of someone saying "I know what you're saying" or "I feel your pain."  But every now and then someone close to your heart says it.   Any fear or hesitation of putting pen to paper or words to feelings is washed away.  I could stop writing (I won't, don't worry!) and feel satisfied by what I've done here. 

6.  Sorry! Not trying to rank or put down any of your comments :P

7.  I'm less than a month away from my 29th birthday.  I'm scared and excited -- as it'll be one of the healthiest birthdays in almost 21 years.

8.  Shit, even saying that makes me feel old.


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11 comments

  1. So sorry about your friend who died of Hyponatremia :( that's terrible. And seeing as your birthday is coming up I can imagine its going to be a hard time for you. And just know you have a friend in me should you need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. I wish you strength and peace as you remember, James.

    Congratulations on blogging for a year and a progressive healthy lifestyle journey.

    All the best in everything!!! <3

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  2. It's a hard time for a few reasons but in regards to him, it's b/c he's one of the few men I didn't let get close to me b/c of the fat. I truly think I missed out on love, and subsequently punish myself for it.

    It's even harder because I *told* him to cut his water with gatorade/pedialyte. In his last blog post he wrote:

    "Then we went riding. We tackled small hills (and at the begining, before I figured out how the gears work, I couldnt do even small hills), then long rides, then hills again. Hills suck, but the long rides were fun. I believe I drank over 7 liters of water all told... and I was still wanting for more towards the last half of the ride (Monica you thought the 3 liter camelback was to big!"

    It breaks my heart every time to read that.

    Thank you for listening. I often talk to him when I'm feeling lost in the world. He was a really great guy and I miss him.

    Thank you for being an ear to listen -- I can't not think about him when people talk about hyponatremia. It's also the reason why i carry gatorade powder packs with me in my softball bag (we often play in 90-100 degree heat).

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  3. Happy Birthday....I like your blog...keep up the good work.

    I found you through the Fat to Fit blog hop.

    www.fatgirltothin.blogspot.com

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  4. Hon, you're doing great! I was pretty amazed when I saw your latest pics, actually: you look radiant! And yes, a lot thinner and healthier too :-)

    Keep up, little sis!

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  5. Emily -- I'm glad you like my blog! I'll make sure to follow yours, if I'm not already!

    Gudrun -- my dear friend and sister -- it means a ton for you to day that -- because you know me in person and you're going through this as well (how much have you lost?) I'm proud of the work you've done as well -- you (&Merel) are quite an inspiration!

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  6. It is always amazing to look back over a year and see what has transpired! I am (re)new to the blogging world and hope that in a year my perspective on myself is happier and healthier!

    Keep going strong and look at all the amazing accomplishments so far!

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  7. I've been blogging for almost a decade (I first blogged on diaryland.com in September 1999, moving to Livejournal in July 2001). I love being able to look back at old posts and either have a good laugh or admire my insight.

    Brigitte -- I wish you the best of luck over the year and hope you meet and/or exceed all of your goals!

    Thank you for the support!

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  8. Just wanted you to know I found you thru Mr. Sh*t's blog....

    cindie

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  9. Love your blog! Happy Birthday to it! Its looking skinnier everyday! :) Off to check out JS blog to see your feature!

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  10. Ali: I love you loving my blog. Heheh... my blog looking skinnier! If anything it's gained weight -- look at the huge blog roll on the right hand side!

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<3 Robby