Sorry about the vague post. Thank you for all of the crossed fingers -- but it turns out that the happy thoughts were unsuccessful for the intention requested. But having so much love ended up being exactly what I needed. I shall explain...
So I was in NYC for a week on vacation. I decided while I was there, I'd switch my OKCupid.com profile to reflect the Zip code I was in. Right off the bat, a bunch of interesting guys started to chat me up.
On Sunday, I ended up talking to one guy for two hours.
I decided to ask him if he wanted to meet -- fruitless as it might be because he lived in NYC and I live in DC (but have ties up the wazoo to the NYC/LI area). He didn't hesitate in agreeing.
Well lemme tell you. OMG I've never felt such chemistry with someone right off the bat like that. When he smiled, my heart melted. On paper we match so well and I thought we had a great date. And yes, even some amazing kissing (I'm very particular in how I like to kiss -- no slobbering, no tongue jousting contests). I even asked him if he felt the same chemistry in the air and he said yes.
After three days of absolute fretting (if you know me on Twitter, you saw my uncool come out) he emails me that he can't see a future with me.
I'm absolutely baffled. That day I had to drive out to Long Island to visit my mom's side of the family. The whole way out I'm crying while I'm driving, and doing the classic "What did I do wrong?!?" thing. I even stopped in a parking lot of a grocery store to reply to the email (which I should not have done.... "I appreciate your honesty and your courtesy. Not gonna lie, I am kinda sad that you can't see at least getting to know each other better. I don't need a future... just a second chance even if it is just as friends.")
I hate that for no matter how much bravado I may or may not have at any given moment, that something like that could totally suck the wind out of me. That someone could do that. That it wasn't up to me.
There are things I may or may not have done wrong (like the 3rd and 4th glass of wine on a pretty empty stomach) but the ultimate thing I really need to focus on is that nothing is wrong with me, intrinsically speaking. I am perfectly lovely, and perfectly lovable just the way I am (impatient as I am).
I'm very lucky to have had two of my very best girlfriends on hand to help keep my chin up. So I cried on the LIE. I wasn't crying over him, per se. I was upset for myself because I put my heart out there (which is hard for me to do) and still it didn't work out for whatever reason. I'm very lucky to have been around both sides of my family today (in different locations) to remind me that while I may be single, I am far from alone.