That lunch? Two slices of Lestina pizza from Bertucci's ("An explosion of Mediterranean flavors - prime white mushrooms, Romano cheese, fresh rosemary and sage, sun-dried tomatoes, sweet roasted garlic and fresh mozzarella"). And yes, they were nommy. I ate the hell out of the sweet roasted garlic. Wanna kiss?
Once I figured out the caloric count a single cookie and then multiplied it by the 5 cookies I had, I went into a sheer panic.
Fat Robby (cousin to Bad Wayne?) took the helm. She hit me with every judgment and criticism possible about how Good Robby was failing, how Good Robby would never win, how Good Robby just didn't get it. Fat Robby said "why not eat the whole box, might as well go all the way!"
I ran this morning (burned 650 calories) and I had just undone all that work with mindless eating.
A conveyor belt from the box (that I had begged my friend not to bring to me, that his wife baked) to my mouth. I farmed the cookies off to my office crush just in time for him to tell me he was engaged.
Luckily for me at a time when I most wanted to cram my mouth full of food (1) I had just given it away and (2) I was already disgusted with the feeding frenzy and (3) was a bit too busy feeling sorry for my single ass (while my coworker reminded me that he was allergic to cats and thus it would never work out).
So my dear readers, I keep on proving my humanity over and over again.
I just wish I'd learn the lessons.
I was going to go BACK to the gym to run some more... but as I was leaving my desk, I had an epiphany-- that if these cookies, and eating them, sent me into such a downward spiral, that exercising was just putting a Bandaid over the problem, not addressing it head on. I came home and cleaned my apt a bit while waiting for my dad's call (helping him once again understand his BodyMedia Fit).
So what was the problem? There are certain foods that I just can't be trusted with right now as I can't be moderate or non-judgmental about it. That will require some practice. I'm still not out of the woods yet. Trusting myself to be neutral towards food is something my dietitian and I have had the biggest challenge over. But I'll understand it one day.
Luckily I have some great friends on Twitter who helped buoy me up:
"YOU ARE OK. Breathe. Your cookies did NOT make you undo all your hard work. Realize that :) ... Don't be defined by the cookies you ate on ONE day in ONE year. It isn't every day, for the rest of your life. Got it? GOOD."
This is not failure.
Remount the horse tomorrow.
Rinse, repeat. Again.
(yah, i just had to do that in haiku)