Struggle

I had to go back into my archives and (1) see if I've written on this topic before (I have) and (2) see if I could find any advice for m...

I had to go back into my archives and (1) see if I've written on this topic before (I have) and (2) see if I could find any advice for myself (I did).

I'm struggling.

I've already posted about what's going on with work, but the long of the short of it is that I feel like I have so many balls in the air, so many obligations to fulfill, that the ball that I'm dropping is myself.  It's totally against the #mefirst principles (i.e., that when life gets hectic, I still need to take the time to take care of myself).  Band practice/performance, two softball teams, boxing practice, (wedding shower+father's day weekend); bachelorette party; coordinating with the groom's side of things (I'm technically a groom's man, groom's maid?) my brother's rehearsal dinner (talked to dad about this, he's going to be more hands on), etc. and so on plus the unrelenting work deadlines and projects that are so unusual for my position (my boss is very good about planning/pacing work).  I know that no one is expecting me to do everything, but that doesn't alleviate the feeling like I should be doing everything.

I see the struggle as it is happening and yet do nothing to ease the strain.

I've been going into "what next?" mode, that is tackling things as they come up/there's a deadline.  People ask me if I'm free next week and my brain is not there.  I can't think about next week. I'm too busy trying to survive today.  

You can totally see it on my face.  You can see it in how I move.  I'm exhausted (mentally, physically) and it's not because I'm doing anything mentally or physically strenuous, it's just that I haven't been able to catch up and find solid ground for a hot second.

So where did I find comfort in my archives?

Whelming -- "I am thankful for the lemons. They remind me I have the ability to handle life as it comes to me.  Struggle is not failure"

LA Boxing Post #3 -- ". . . I mean finding the courage to confront your life and make (sometimes tough) choices, to find your voice, to find your commitment to yourself.   It is finding your inner fire and stoking the flames. . . . There is something I want to do. I will do it my own way (wisely accepting support and guidance).  Even if I fall or make a few mistakes, I will get right back up. This is what it means to find your fight. Chutzpah."

Hibernation -- I think the struggle this month is actually a 6-month struggle coming to a head.

Epic Let Down -- "Struggle is part of the process. It's how you deal with the adversity that determines your success or your failure."

Sheryl's "Recovery from Binges and Setbacks" -- "So remember this, if nothing else: A binge or any setback - regardless how long it lasts or how off-plan you stray is just that - a setback. Accept that setbacks *will* happen. On occasion and forever. All that matters is you get up and keep going. You have to realize that at any moment, you can get back on plan. And the sooner you do it, obviously the better; it will minimize any long term effects - weight or bad habits - from creeping back on and in. Remember that every single choice you are presented with after a not-so-great choice is a chance to move forward, a chance to choose better, a chance to just get back up and start over. You don't need to wait for the next week, the next day, or even the next meal - every choice counts. And every choice is a chance to choose differently and better. Every choice counts. Remember that. You just have to choose as well as possible as often as possible."

#OctGTD:  Balance --  "But has it ever crossed your mind that it's okay to come up short in the challenge? It's okay to not reach your mileage goal. It's okay to get to the end of the month and come up shy. This is the lesson we all have to learn: it is okay to set goals and make plans and not be able to complete them 100%.   Was your intent there? Was your heart in it? Did you commit to yourself and the goal? These are things you should be able to answer for yourself. . . . [T]his is more than just a one-day challenge.  This is the rest of your life.  Be kind to yourself."

I'm sure there's more, but I don't have time to look. 
Touché life, touché.

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4 comments

  1. "I think the struggle this month is actually a 6-month struggle coming to a head." I noticed this from about the time of the holiday and the wedding, you still had your spark and drive but I could tell you were finding it tough going and seemed to loose a little rhythm. Some times when we are going through busy spells or have so much going on you have to lean things out, focus on the few vital things and survive until things begin to normal out again, practice mindful habits and keep going with the exercise when you can. You have this hon, after all you have over come this is nothing.

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  2. Dubya last night suggested a theater group to me cause I really want to get back into acting as I've done years before. (Something I always said I'd do once I "lost the weight") And as tempting as it is to be back in the spotlight once more I know that if I did, it'd be adding a new adventure on to my plate. And possibly a new commitment, which means a new stress.

    Don't be afraid to say no. I know for weddings and obligations that are beyond our control (like our job) it's tough. But sometimes we have to give up things, even things we enjoy doing to make sure we're not overloaded or so that we can give our priorities the needed attention.

    Read this post by @rvxn today. http://s.rvxn.org/2011/06/27/you-need-to-love-the-part-of-you-that-binges/ I think it applies here as well.

    Hang in there, dearie. You are a rock star and there's no rush to work on you. It is an ever-going, ever-growing process. :) One day at a time.

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  3. As much as I hate to struggle, I also love it. Well, certain kinds of struggle. I see struggle as confusion and we all know that miracles reside in the midst of self-doubt and confusion. Here's to miracles in your life.

    So, without further ado, I am going to share a link to a blog post I wrote about struggle: http://www.kclanderson.com/who-am-i-to-take-that-away-from-you

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  4. S, C, K --thank you all for your support and wise words. I know I'm going to get through this...

    I think I just need to recognize it for what it is.

    I think it is a really wise thing to (1) admit you're in a downswing (2) to admit you can't do everything and (3) reach out for not just help but comfort.

    You all mean so much to me. Thank you.
    I'm off to read those posts now :P

    ReplyDelete

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<3 Robby