The Problem(s) with "Dear Fat People"

**POSSIBLE TRIGGERS:  Please proceed with caution!!**

So... the whole Nicole Arbour "Dear Fat People" video thing... 


**deep breath**


1.  Obese people are fat, not blind.  We know we're fat.  We don't need some chick with a big mouth and a rabid following not talking to us but rather yelling at us as if we're complete idiots.  It's not like we need some Youtube channel to provide the same epiphany our very own eyes can provide.  


1a.  She makes a joke about fat people not being able to chase her down... LOL.  She doesn't know about us athletic fat people -- you know, the ones that finish marathons, IronMans, Tough Mudders, etc.  And she also doesn't know about sneaky, light-on-our-feet fat people that don't need to be fast because we're so nimbly bimbly after all those Zumba, yoga, and barre classes. She forgets about the strong ones who could dead lift her heartless, humorless body. 


1b.  There are many of us who aren't strong enough to weather the gale-force bullshit spewing from her mouth ("You have to be really f*cking slow to be offended by satire," she says in the [follow-up] video. "If you can't handle the truth it means you're a psychopath.").  And for as much as she thinks her "truth bombs" can help people, there's collateral damage for which she doesn't seem willing to take responsibility.  She offered some lame ass apology, "I never intended for kids to be watching it and I'm sorry if any kids who didn't understand that I'm a comedian were shocked or upset."  As if kids are the only ones who can be hurt by her words.


2. Yay! Another skinny person telling us how our fatness offends them using the transparent guise of "helping us."  **eyeroll**  If you want to help people, you ASK what they need.  And not all fat people are created alike, and not all fat people need the same help.  Some people need easy things like motivation, accountability, recipes.  Some people need experts (see below).


2b.  No where in her video or links does she offer actual help.  No online resources or support groups.  No recommendations to go see your doctor and get a physical, work with a dietitian, work with a NASM-certified trainer.  Nothing.  


3.  Her OPINION (i.e., not really a "truth bomb") really misses the mark.  In my opinion (based on talking to a lot of people, reading a lot of books, studies, and other materials) excessive body fat is a symptom more than it is a disease. I have said time and time again that I think that obesity is more often than not the byproduct of trauma (physical, mental, psychological, sexual).  And the more I started thinking about it, the more I came to believe that most food/exercise/body disorders (as they're interrelated and on a spectrum) are as well. (And if it's not trauma, there's still other outside forces that can influence a person's size, shape, and health -- but I'll leave it to other people to argue socioeconomic and other points.) 


3a.  Making fun of the survivors of trauma makes her an asshole, not a comedian.  


3b. Making fun of the survivors of trauma for not being able to wrap their heads/bodies around the trauma in their lives doesn't help people to address the trauma.  It re-traumatizes them.   For example, look at how many people gain or lose weight as a barrier between them and the people who sexually abused them.  You wouldn't yell at a bulimic to eat a cheeseburger when the real issue was someone violating their body.  Equally, you shouldn't tell a fat person to put down the cheeseburger when the real issue was someone violating their body. 


3c.  People who have endured trauma should probably start with professional help. 

(a) Cause you never know what trauma is lurking underneath all the layers of fat, and sometimes what's lurking needs a safe place to make its debut.
(b) It's really easy to transfer one harmful behavior to another.  For instance -- people who go from being food addicts to exercise addicts is not a myth.  It's an actual thing.
(c) People have been known to do some pretty harmful things in order to chase down their unrealistic goals. 

I'm sure there's more... but I'm kinda annoyed with myself for even giving it this much time/thought when really I should have just said "Bitch please."

Old photo is a perfect salute to Nicole.

here are some other responses: 

SEO Click Bait

For all the people who find my blog because they have Googled "fat girl bikini" (and its various permutations) here you are.  I even put a filter and a frame on it for you. Artistic, right?


Rocking It.
(Buy the bikini here)

Update -- 
And yes ladies, he's single. 

Sympathy Pain

Sometimes I say things flippantly and it takes a moment for it to set in and I realize how profound I can be when I'm not trying.  I just tweeted about how I'm in pain right now:


I realized two things in this moment.  

First, though I know my body is physically connected to each other as a dynamic machine, but I never paused to consider that my body parts may be emotionally connected to each other.  That some deep part of my reptilian brain (the one that says stop, relax, heal) is trying to override my hominid brain (keep moving and rehabbing).  

Second, I quite often say "Until you understand, you don't understand back pain. And I wouldn't want you to understand."  Part of me realizes how shitty this is -- that I'm limiting other peoples' ability to relate to me and to my injury.  The other part feels that it's completely legit.  Spine pain is kinda unlike any other physical injury--it doesn't localize itself.  

When my neck was really bad, my left arm got the worst of it.  I'm still dealing with the continual tinnitus.  I was constantly dropping things (I sometimes still do on days when I'm tired and not paying attention to my posture). With my lower back, I can feel the heat of inflammation over L3-4, L4-L5, L5-S1.  But I also feel it in my hip.  I feel it down my legs.  I'm quite often unsteady in certain positions (like when in the shower washing anything below my hips, or flipping my hair over so I can put it in a towel), sitting becomes painful at work (it's impossible to make my desk a standing desk without losing all my working space b/c it's a circular cockpit). when at the kitchen sink washing dishes, etc. 

I realized that I identify more with people who have full body injuries, diseases, and chronic pain, than people who, for example, just sprained an ankle or dislocated a shoulder. When I talk to people with chronic pain, chronic diseases and injuries, there's this pause of recognition where we just understand there's the pain of the injury/disease and the pain the injury/disease causes. 

In the discussion that Janet and I led at Fitbloggin (Living with Pain:  A Survival Guide), we had two posters:  one of a really badly drawn (mea culpa) body for corporeal/visible pain and the other one a list of "invisible pain" (I would share photos, but we had people put their names on them--so it's not for me to share really).   When we were talking about visible and invisible injuries, there was almost this collective sigh of relief when we could say to each other that we were depressed, anxious, scared, embarrassed, disappointed, and just plain exhausted.  

What a beautiful release to not have to be strong and perfect. 
What a beautiful expression of grace to be able to hold each other in our hearts for just an hour. 

(now that I'm in full on tangent mode....) I think that's what sympathy pain is really about -- the ability to allow someone to be in pain and be in their presence and not try to fix them, to cultivate empathy in your body and your mind and be able to shoulder their pain for a short time. 

Maybe my body is trying to spread my pain in a thin layer, rather than a big glob of pain right over my back. Maybe my legs are saying "we're strong enough to take some of this."  Or maybe it's my back saying "I can't handle all of this." 

LOPMIAAMO -- the new FOMO

Screw FOMO (fear of missing out); I have LOPMIAAMO (lack of planning means I am already missing out).

In the first few Fitbloggins, I think we were all still getting to know each other and we really saw the hotel as our space to connect. In more recent times, I feel like the hotel is the cruise ship and everyone is going on shore excursions (tea, Rockies baseball game, Red Rocks, etc.).

My LOPMIAAMO usually stems from the pre-Fitbloggin dread of not feeling like I have done enough to earn my spot here cause I haven't exercised enough or lost enough weight.  Or hell, I haven't even blogged a lot/at all lately.  I know it still shocks you all to find out that I am an introvert. (No lies, I really am.)

Then there is the always-present nagging voice in the back of my head that no one wants to play with me.  Last-picked for kickball kind of stuff.  When that LOPMIAAMO sets in, I usually just wander off by myself. I have done a lot of walking in Denver cause of that.


This year my LOPMIAAMO is a bit of the above with also having had a busy month leading up to Fitbloggin15. I just didnt read any of the "ZOMG LET'S DO THIS!" posts.  I signed up for Fitbloggin and the hotel months ago and then tucked that away in my brain only to unwrap it to book my flight and get packed.

Last year the LOPMIAAMO really got me down. And this year, I didnt plan any better.  LOPMIAAMO is worse than FOMO because it means i could have done something about it and just didn't for whatever reason.

The solution is finding a way to reengage. I will get there.

[Edit:  I realize now that had I planned better, I would have taken a day trip to the Anschutz Wellness Center....]

The Pre-Fitbloggin Post


So... I don't want to surprise/shock any of you all if you see me using this at Fitbloggin.

I don't always need it, but certain things like traveling and sitting down for long periods of time exacerbate my lower back pain.  Lately, I have either had this or my big umbrella with me when travelling just in case.

I freaked out a little while ago about how people would handle seeing FGvW with a cane.  Kelly/@CurvyFitGirl reminded me that I can't control how people react.  But please don't be too worried if you see me using this prop.  I assure you that I am fighting every day to get through this.


Who knows... I may use it to up my Zumba game.
My other yearly pre-Fitbloggin post and disclaimers:

(1) my brain is a sieve when it comes to names. Please forgive me when i forget your name the first, second, and twelfth time.

(2) I am actually an introvert.  Sometimes I need some quiet or a good cry. Fitbloggin is an emotional place. But when I am out an about I am good for hugs.

(3) I back dat ass up. Beware. (Ask @DubyaWife.


Okay, almost go time. See you in Denver.

When it rains...

I was really shocked to find out that the idiom "When it rains, it pours.®" was coined by ad execs to sell Morton's Salt.

You know how salt is hard to pour if it has absorbed any humidity? Morton's solution was to add magnesium carbonate to their salt.  It absorbed the humidity before the sodium chloride. This meant, even when it rained, the salt would still be free flowing.

This is totally different than the connotation now attributed to the phrase regarding luck -- that when either something good or bad happens it tends to trigger a deluge of the same luck.

Anyways...

Y'all know I've had some pretty spectacular misses when it comes to dating.  You all know that an boy damn near made me a quadriplegic.

Well... it's pouring.

Not in the whole magnesium carbonate way (well I guess in an additive sense...), but in the whole deluge of luck way.
I don't want to count my chickens before they hatch, but just know that I'm really happy right now. Content, cared for, adored.  I'm excited for all the possibilities.

It's raining and I'm out there dancing.



Not whether you win or lose; it's how you play the game.

I've mentioned in the past that I play this nerdy game called Ingress (join the Resistance, we have cookies!).  It's an always-in-flux worldwide game of capture the flag using your phone and GPS location. There are flags (portals) everywhere around you and you use your phone to claim (deploy) or capture (use xmps) them, get resources from them (hack), or connect them to other locations (link & field). 

It came into my life when I wasn't feeling so great about my work effort in the gym (back in December 2013).  I couldn't run as much and there were days when I could barely walk.  Ingress gave me the motivation to get out of the house and at least try to walk around the block at the very least.  Some days I was able to move more, some days less.  

You can play the game as a solo player, but the game's strength is when you start playing with other players (agents).  My teammates have been a great support at times (and sometimes a pain in my ass).  One of my favorite friends from the game even came to the hospital to visit me when my back went haywire a year ago (wow, it's been a year since being in the hospital). 

We also have these large-scale events called anomalies where hundreds of agents converge on a single location to play the game for a 4-hour block of time (with meetups before and parties afterward).  This past weekend, I had hundreds of teammates (and opponents) converging on Washington, DC for an anomaly.

I was very busy preparing for this event last week -- so much so that I walked 72 km (44 miles) from Sunday 5/24 to Saturday 5/30 while playing the game (almost 2000 km since 12/18/13).  Crazy, right?  Sadly, the Resistance lost the DC Anomaly - but I had a lot of fun playing on the NYC team (**waves to Team Cherry Bombs/Terribly Delicious Decisions**).


Now that the anomaly (and the swag orders) are over, I can start to focus on my next big event: Fitbloggin 2015.  

Much like DubyaWife, I always spend the few weeks before Fitbloggin with a certain amount of dread and self-critique:  "You don't belong here..."  And my friends spend the few weeks before Fitbloggin reminding me that if you feel like you don't belong at Fitbloggin, that's when you need to be there the most.

This year I'll be leading a discussion with Janet Oberholtzer on a topic that is near and dear to my heart:  Living With Pain:  A Survival Guide.  Both Janet and I have had some pretty fun injuries.  I think there's a big difference between suffering an injury and learning to live with one.  Living with an injury isn't about accepting limitations or accepting defeat -- it's about moving into a new phase of your life with a bit of grace, humor, forgiveness, and a plan of attack.

I can't wait to see you all there.

Well Hello There!

My friend recommed that I try one of those "we will send you everything you need for you to make a meal" services -- Hello Fresh. I have wanted to for a while and she made picking (which among many services) easy.

I have a free box this week to try the service. I have 3 meals (Argentine Spiced Steak, Pan Seared Chicken with tomato-barley hash and charred broccoli, and  Creamy Pear and Asparagus risotto with goat cheese, walnuts, and mint), but I got to choose from five. And yes, they have a vegetarian meal plan option.

I really liked how they showed calorie counts and ingredients before you ordered.


Got my first box today and couldn't wait to dig in. Not too complicated--it comes with photo recipe cards that lay out each step very well along with the timing. The portion sizes (I opted for 2 servings-- dinner and lunch the next day) are great and it gives you the breakdown of each pre-portioned ingredient (in case you want to omit it) (I love fresh asparagus; it does not love me).

I think this is great for people who are intimidated by cookbooks, grocery stores, and/or their kitchen (ahem...Dad), but want to learn how spices and flavors play with each other in a controlled environment.


I am on my balcony now, enjoying the evening breeze with my meal of Argentine Spiced Steak and couscous with a chimmichurri sauce and a glass of wine. All-in-all a pleasant and delicious experience!

If only Hello Fresh came with someone to wash the dishes.

PS: This was not a sponsored post. If you want to try your hand at some home-cooked meals with @HelloFresh, you can save $40 on your first order with my code FNJNPK at www.hellofresh.com

[[EDIT:  So... I made the 2nd meal, a chicken dish and promptly suffered a week's worth of food poisoning.  Hello Fresh (1) refunded my money and (2) changed their mailing practices.  I'm a little gunshy about giving up control of picking out my own food now.]]

Come & Gone

I don't really believe in luck or fate.
But it doesn't mean I won't tip my hat to it in times where, if it existed, it wouldn't hurt to have it on my side.

I had my neck surgery on 12/12/12 at 12pm.
I scheduled my back surgery for May 4th (As in "May the Fourth be with you").

About three weeks ago I made the call to cancel it.  I left a voicemail.
The next day the surgeon's scheduler called to ask me if I could re-schedule it because the doctor had a conflict.

Basically, the fates didn't want me to have the surgery.

Today is May 5th and is a good day.
I'll take it.


I get knocked down, but I get up again


All morning Saturday and part of the afternoon, I had been running around to prepare for that night's Ingress party to celebrate an awesome in-game operation that required world-wide cooperation.  I kinda went a little overboard on cupcakes (2 kinds -- Funfetti with blue icing and pineapple upside-down cupcakes -- around 70 cupcakes total). As I was baking, I simultaneously did 4 loads of laundry.

By the time I got to the bar, I was thirsty for a beer and a chair.  I drank my first beer while flitting around the room and introducing myself to the people who had come in from out of town to hang out and celebrate (DelaWHAT? Delaw[h]ere? Okay, I guess you had to be there.)  I had just purchased my second beer and saw a free seat at a table. Ah, sweet feet relief.

With my right hand on the table, and my left hand holding the beer, I approached the bar stool and shifted my weight over my left leg so I could get my right butt cheek on the chair and slide on in.

WRONG

My left leg went numb and weak.  It gave out under me.
In my milliseconds of panic, I realized that I was still holding my beer and that if I didn't do something, it would get everywhere and on everyone.  I tilted it toward myself and made the sound of  what can only be called a dying egret. I landed on my ass with a thud and beer soaking my shirt and jeans.

My back injury always catches me at the most in opportune times (ahem, in the shower).  But this was the first time that I actually lost feeling in my leg and fell in around friends.  (Once in college the same happened, but it was during taekwondo while throwing a roundhouse kick)

I'm so very lucky that my friend E was nearby.  He and I have discussed my injury (and his injuries) quite a great deal. He knew to wave people off from trying to lift me up immediately (until I knew that everything was working and until I caught my breath).  He stood guard as I gathered myself and took stock of what happened, and when I finally got myself vertical.

The next day, E posted this on his G+ page:


It was a good reminder to me that although I may have had people in that room happy/amused to see me fall, that I always get up.  I've been dealing with this injury for 17 years (at varying degrees) and never once have I just laid on the ground and pitied myself.  I've never asked for special considerations (other than just patience) and I've never asked for people to do for me what I could do for myself (though, I'm always grateful for assistance when I can't do for myself).  

It reminded me of New Rule #8:  Even on your worst day, you can be someone's hero. 

And maybe there needs to be a corollary to New Rule #8:  Even on your worst day, a heroic friend will be there to either help you up or be there when you get yourself standing under your own power.