I wrote a few days ago about the psychological aspect of feeling broken.
I spent Dec. 24 at the animal shelter helping out where needed, but mainly taking dogs for walks. The most strenuous task was throwing a ball. I spent Dec. 25 and 26 between a 7 and an 8/10 on my pain threshold scale (I'd like to think I have a high pain tolerance -- but even this leveled me). Yesterday was between a 5 and a 6. I'm about a 3/4 now. There's still pain, but I can walk
So I'm going back to the spinal specialist today to discuss where I'm at (I want a new MRI -- my last one was in March 2007) and to discuss pain management options.
I don't want my back to interfere with my life. I don't want my back to interfere with my finding joy in life.
For the most part it doesn't. But for every day I have that's a 7/8, I go into an emotional tailspin -- wondering if it's the big one, if I'm one sneeze away from having to have massive spinal surgery. I think about all the rehab required, and the fact that I live alone. I think about how hard it is to maintain friendships with people when you can't move. I think of my future and the quality of it.
I mean lots of people ask me about the surgical options, of which there are a few. But there's also no guarantee that surgery will help me. For many people surgery helps alleviate pain of one kind, but causes pain of another. I'm constantly weighing my options -- have surgery while I'm young, strong, and healthy, or have surgery when disc replacement technology is more advanced/approved by FDA.
Like the AA motto, "one day at a time" -- I'm just trying to stay focused on what I can do. If I can't exercise, then I can mind my diet. If I can't exercise, I can try to move to the best of my ability. Just do the best I can on any given day. That's all any of us can do, right?
PS: I'm the "guest expert" for a Twitter party tomorrow night at 9 pm (eastern) for the #MeFirst/Me Movement. I have six awesome questions queued up relating to New Year's resolutions and mindfulness. I hope to see you all there!
Home » About Me » Mental » “Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” Squire Bill Widener
“Do what you can, with what you’ve got, where you are.” Squire Bill Widener
in About Me, Mental - on 1:00:00 PM - 3 comments
I think it's awesome that you volunteered and I sincerely hope something positve happens re: your spinal issues!Reply
That sucks. I'm behind on my blog reading so I'm not sure what happened but I do believe in the power of positive thinking:)Reply
FAB: I'd volunteer all the time if I could. It makes my heart grow 10x bigger each time :)Reply
SOC: I try to think positively -- but that requires endurance that I don't have sometimes.
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