FatGirl vs World

Friend and fellow blogger, Crystal, asked me a few questions about the BodyMedia Fit.  I think the discussion is something that everyone could benefit from, so I'm going to make it a stand-alone post (as well as my first discussion of the device and my discussion of dieting in general).  Feel free to ask more questions.

How are you liking it?
I absolutely love it! It's part of my wardrobe now. I feel like I've forgotten something if I forget to put it on.

Is the arm band comfortable to wear?
Yes.  There are 3 sizes of armbands, so you don't have to worry about it being too big or too small.  It is secured with Velcro.

Does it stay put?
For the most part, yes.  The only time I really have trouble with it sliding down my arm is when I'm Wii Boxing.  But all I do is tighten it a little bit while i'm doing that particular exercise, and then loosen it for normal use.

Do you wear it all the time?
They recommend you wear it for 23 hours a day.  Also you shouldn't submerge it in water.  So I don't wear it when i'm in the shower, or when I'm swimming.  With the BodyMedia site, you can estimate activities done while the unit is not on your arm (yep, including shower and swimming).

Are you finding it helpful for staying on track and accountable?
The bottom line is that it cannot do the work for me, but it does make me more mindful of where I'm at (especially because I purchased the display unit.  The armband can work as a standalone, but with the display unit, I have to-the-minute information about how many steps I've taken and how many calories I've burned.  Oh, and it also has the time.)  It helps remind me that I have good days and bad, but it's the trend that I'm concerned about.  I can print out reports and see these trends and correllate them to how my body felt that day, when my period was, or even the weather.

When I notice I haven't burned enough calories or walked enough, I might scale back the portions of what I'm eating.  I might put down the cheese and pick up my sneakers.  It reminds me that this isn't guess work.  It's plain and simple.

Do you use the subscription program it talked about?
I do use the BodyMedia.com Activity Manager.  The first three months are free with purchase of the armband.  After that, the longer you subscribe the less it costs per month.  I have a 12-month subscription and it's a little under $7 a month.  That's some people's coffee for a day.

You upload the information to the armband to the site and then add in your nutrition information (food journal).  I hear they're working on a phone application to help people keep track.  Many foods are already listed in there, but some are not.  If it's something you eat on a regular basis, you can add foods and recipes.

Do you have to?
Yeah, sorry about that. 

Are you finding it to be helpful?
Yes! I love data.  It gives me lots of information about myself (such as my sleep patterns) and my choices.  I've even set it up to remind me to get up from my desk and walk around (at 1 pm). 

My dietitian uses it as part of her initial assessment into food and behavior.

I was going to suggest, maybe there's a way you can buy a used one, or if a nutritionist/gym allows you to rent one for a month or two...

I'll never hide it:  I love The Biggest Loser.  I've been watching it (on and off) ever since it began.  While I like Bob and his quiet intensity, I always felt drawn to Jillian.  I liked her tough-as-nails-ness.  I liked that she pushed people harder than they thought they could go.  I think I responded to her because I don't think I had anyone in my life pushing me to my limits.  I always stepped over the limits people gave me but after that I felt like I didn't have anywhere else to go.  I didn't know how to challenge myself. 

Last night on her show, Losing It with Jillian Michaels, she takes the Jones family under her wing.  They suffered the loss of their father 6 years prior, and ever since, his widow has been drowning in her life.  While I identify with the mother's weight struggles, I so very much identified with her daughter.  After her father died, her mother began to treat her like an adult/co-parent.  The daughter was resentful of this added burden put on her.  She was 12 years old and worrying more about her mother than about her own hopes and dreams.  And well, I got that. I got that loud and clear. 

When my mom died (I was 13), my father never said "well you need to grow up and take care of the house now" but when he fell to pieces, everything else did.  I did grow up, I did cook dinners, I did clean the house, I did mow the lawn.  I did whatever I could in the hopes of it helping him and relieving the stress of working long hours between an arduous 2 hour commute each way.  I did it in the hopes of having a dad that would do fun things with his kids. 

Carl Jung wrote “the greatest burden a child must bear is the unlived life of the parents.” I think all parents, but especially widows/widowers with children need to remember this.  My father's inability to pick himself up and be a parent resulted in my ballooning up to 240lbs at my highest.  Years later, I still feel hurt, angry, and a sense of betrayal for having lost my childhood so early because my father was unable to take care of himself let alone his kids.  But I really do feel compassion, because despite feeling the hurt, anger, and betrayal, I'm able to tend to them with a gentle heart.  I'm gave them their say, and each day those feelings grow more distant.

I sent him the link to this episode saying "you should watch this."  I'm so proud of him for doing the work he's doing, but there's so much more left to be done to get his health back.

People always say there's a difference between running on the ground vs. running on a treadmill vs. running on an elliptical.  There is a different load on your body during each exercise, and each exercise has a benefit the other doesn't have. 

However, in American Fitness, "Treadmills vs. Elliptical Trainers," Jul/Aug2002, Vol. 20 Issue 4, p9, Thomas Altena, a professor of nutritional and exercise physiologist of the University of Missouri-Columbia measured oxygen retention, lactic acid build-up, heart rate, and perceived rate of exertion to compare treadmills and elliptical trainers.  He writes ""In this study, the physiological responses associated with elliptical exercise were nearly identical to treadmill exercise."  ((and if this is the case, why do so many people I know with bad knees insist on running on a treadmill because it burns more calories?))

Okay... so riddle me this:  why does my body crap out on me (mainly a tightness in my chest and a lactic acid buildup) when I run 10 minutes on a treadmill, but I can run the same pace on an elliptical for 60 minutes?  I expect the elliptical to be a little bit easier, but I didn't expect there to be such a dramatic difference in my ability.  Who knows, maybe I have some sort of mental block/prejudice against treadmills.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so thankful for losing weight/getting smaller (at my most I was 240 and wore anything from a 16 (pants) to a 20 (dresses) to a stable 14)... but man it makes getting dressed for work so frustrating.  My pants fall off of me, my shirts look like tents. 

This is already after my friend helped me weed out my closet a little over a year ago (April 19, 2009).   We got rid of things that were too big, didn't look right, weren't functioning, or that she thought were a pure lapse in judgment.  She was almost always right (except in the case of the big blue sweater which I saved from being donated that day only to live one more season, get one more use, and then be donated).

I don't want to go shopping because I don't know where I'm going to end up.  I don't want to spend money on clothing that I hope will only be spending a short time with me.  Belts have gone from my enemy to being my friend and a necessity and one of the things I will spend money on, to get a little more longevity out of my wardrobe.

The ugh and rawr is because I haven't been sleeping well.  I aim for 8 hours a night, but I've only been getting 5 hours (per my BodyMedia Fit).  That really brings the ugh and rawr out in me. I love to sleep and I hate when it doesn't love me.  It throws my whole day off because I don't want to exercise, I don't want to eat well.  I just want to go back to bed.

This is when I just have to dig deeper -- trust in what I know, trust in the routine.

Some days I feel really down on myself because I'm not losing weight at the pace I want to...
then I remember certain things....

For instance, I have to walk past a Krispy Kreme every day on the way to work.  I haven't gone in there (execpt to run errands for my boss -- her son's swim team likes donuts after practice) for a long time.

There's also a Ben & Jerry's right next to my building, as well as a cupcake store right across the street.  On the other side of the building is a Baja Fresh, where a Tostada Salad can cost ya 1100+ calories.  Dare I even mention all of the coffee places?  I don't drink coffee (thankfully) but one of those non-coffee frozen drinks (Venti Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino with whipped cream) is ~800 calories.

When I went to grab my lunch, I ended up at The Corner Bakery.  I decided to get half a tuna sandwich and a mixed green salad (skipping the dressing because I have a stupid canker store in my mouth) . Doing well there.  But right at the cash register they have all of their delicious desserts laid out like a banquet.  And all I could do was think was don't look at the raspberry bar, don't look at the lemon bar...

I try to give myself credit for all the times I make good choices, but sometimes I need to remember that there are also so many times when I'm not making a choice to avoid something bad for me, but that it literally isn't part of the picture anymore.

And yes, I'm totally going to eat this pickle...

Good things come to those who write!
I have some exciting stuff on the horizon to share with you when the time is right...but man am I excited!!

The one thing I do want to share with you is that my dietitian has agreed to let me interview her for Fat Girl vs. World!! Exciting, right??  So I thought I'd ask her a few questions but also ask you all if there is anything you've been dying to ask a nutritionist.  I'll select the best questions to ask Rebecca! 

Send me an email -- fatgirlvsworld at gmail.com with
(1) your first name
(2) your location
(3) your blog address
(4) your question

Since two of my blog-enabled friends have written about fear (here and here) and I recently posted about lyrics, I thought I'd add to the discussion with some lyrics from Cirque Du Soleil.  I interpret the song "Let Me Fall" to not be about literal falling/failing, it's about having the guts to take the leap.  It's about breaking free of whatever or whomever is holding you back from what you know are capable of and having the faith that you will survive.  When I first saw the performance (from the show Quidam, 1996) over a decade ago, I was so touched by the lyrics.  Then to have Josh Groban sing the song... well that just sealed the deal.

Follow the break for video & lyrics

This is going to be a random mishmosh of "things I love"

1.  my Magic Bullet Blender -- Okay, so it can't make an omlet, but it can do lots of other things
I like to buy frozen fruit (or freeze it myself, as in the case of bananas) and make smoothies for breakfast

I make a pitcher of herbal or green tea in the beginning of the week and throw it in the fridge, add in the banana and blend (so you don't get chunks of frozen banana), then add in any additional fruits. And serve! Use a little less liquid and you get a sorbet-like dessert (such as raspberry and orange juice with a little mint).

I also use it to make ridiculously easy, ridiculously healthy, and ridiculously tasty soups  (broccoli soup, pea soup, 'cream' of corn soup with diced peppers mixed in, sweet potato curry, etc.)

I also use it in my preparation of salsa (since I am a spaz when it comes to chopping up jalepeños without getting it on some delicate skin or my eyes).  I throw the jalepeños and garlic in the blender to make a nice even paste that spreads and coats the tomatoes evenly.  With the extra cilantro (as there is always extra cilantro), I throw it in the blender to make a cilantro pesto (with the residual flavor of garlic and jalepeños as well as some lime juice).

Which brings me to...

2. Wraps/Burritos
Okay, so where do you use cilantro pesto?  Voila!

• Wii Fit
• Body Glide
• iPod shuffle (not the newer ones)
• Basketball-length shorts
• The trend towards tapas and healthy appetizers in many different types of restaurants
• my ninja reflexes
• Liberator Shapes (not safe for work) for when my back is acting up and I can't sleep flat and sleep using the ramp
• Ice
• Everyone who reads my blog and shares in the journey

Many companies are beginning to realize that the health of their employees has a strong correlation to health insurance premiums.  In response, they're beginning wellness programs.

For instance, in my company we have:

• a Wellness Committee
• weekly yoga classes
• lectures
• nutritionists
• sports trainers
• a lumbar specialist
• health screenings
• access to smoking cessation resources
• a yearly "wellness reimbursement" of $200
• access to Lifeworks (a comprehensive resource for just about everything, including health care advocates, advice and tips for just about everything from health, to finances, to happiness)
• a "Lose to Win" challenge 
• A gym/sauna in the building (though i wish the towels were an inch or five bigger)
• Discounts to local gyms

And i'm positive I'm forgetting something....

I was glad for the nutritionists that came in, but I don't think it was very comprehensive or motivational.  I searched the internet for a local nutritionist to come in that I thought could put a new spin on what we've already heard (calorie restriction, exercise, cheese is evil).  I hit paydirt when I came upon Rebecca Scritchfield. Part of the reason why I liked her is because she was an adjunct professor at my alma mater.  Secondly, she used the GoWear Fit system, which I had already purchased and had begun to utilize.  And thirdly, I thought she could speak to the people who were looking to lose lots of weight or even a few pounds.

So, not only does she have her own practice, but she also works with The Biggest Loser Season 5 At-Home winner, Bernie Salazar, in spreading their "Nurture Principles."  (you can follow both on Twitter: @nurturprincipls, @berniesalazar, and @ScritchfieldRD -- all twitter feeds have lots of great information and tips)

So I mentioned this to someone in Human Resources (who is also on the Wellness Committee) when she asked about my GoWear Fit.  Little did I know that they were looking to bring in a nutritionist for part of their Wellness-themed Staff Appreciation Week.  SCORE!  It just goes to show you that sometimes if you ask you actually do receive.

Instead of inundating the people in the seminar with information about calories, percentages, facts, figures, doom and gloom, they were fun and addressed the very first question that any dieter really faces -- "Do I want to change?" 

They gave us some facts, figures, tips and tools, but from talking to the participants in the seminar, what I really got was that people didn't feel like they were being being talked down to.  It was mainly the absence of the doom & gloom talk about the consequences of failing to make the change.  They were being reminded of their ability to make good choices and effectuate positive changes even if they weren't out running marathons, competing in triathalons, or starving themselves skinny.  That and there was a life-size photo of Bernie pre-TBL standing in the room. 

So the point of this entry is to OPEN YOUR MOUTH for something other than food.  Had I not mentioned Rebecca to HR, they might not have brought her in to give the seminar (and I'm hoping they'll ask her back!).  Sitting next to me in the seminar was a dear friend who has promised at every turn to help me and motivate me because I shared with her how painful it is to have injured myself over the past 16 years with all this weight.  I ask people for recipes, training tips, or general questions about health and well-being.

I highly recommend going to the Nurture Principles site as there is lots of great information there.  And if your company has a wellness/health committee, perhaps ask if they can invite Rebecca and Bernie to give a talk.

I wouldn't say that I love sugar, as there are some things that are very sugary that I don't like, but I do have a sweet tooth, namely for chocolate.

I like to joke around that I like my men like I like my chocolate:  dark, bitter, and wrapped in foil.  However, I've found something at Whole Foods that is making me rethink at least the foil part: 

They're not too bad in terms of ingredients.  And while they have fat and sugars, I also find that I can't eat the recommended serving size in one go of it.  Just a few of the little clusters really does the trick to curb my sweet tooth.

I can see using these on top of some fresh Raspberry Sorbet from my favorite gelateria, Dolcezza.  (OMG, I tasted their avocado honey orange sorbet this morning at the FreshFarms Farmer's Market.... absolutely delicious... but I live and die for their raspberry sorbet as well as their thai coconut gelato ((with sliced mangos and toasted sesame seeds on top)).  I could even mix a few in with some greek yogurt for a little crunchy treat.  Or for the daring breakfast lover, maybe even make blueberry pancakes with a few of these mixed in.

It just reinforces my belief that dieting isn't about deprivation, it's about (1) food quality and (2) being creative with ingredients.  I see food quality as honoring the ingredient by not over-processing it or trying to disguise its true nature as well as how it was grown and cultivated.  Being creative with ingredients means learning new recipes and perhaps even stepping outside of your comfort zone.

The other big news from the Farmer's Market is that the SPRING CHICKENS ARE HERE!!! I was ecstatic to see them.  I am considering roasting the chicken and then making a strawberry thyme sauce (I should have gotten sage, but I panicked) with roasted red potatoes and zucchini on the side.

Again, this goes back to the post about the Farmer's Market (see hyperlink above): it seems insincere to talk about processed food with any sort of passion when the fresh, natural, farm-raised, good stuff inspires not just hunger but joy.  I am an emotional eater, and I'd be willing to say even an emotional chef.

I derive pleasure from not only the eating of food, but the creation of dishes.  When I cook something and someone else tells me it's delicious, it's almost better than great sex.  I love seeing ingredients and being able to create something in my head without knowing whether it will taste good or not.

I'd be wrong to say that nutrition is an easy thing.  If I were to say that, it'd undercut the scores of people out there with eating disorders, extra weight, or who are malnourished.  It's this beautifully complex symbiosis between us and the world.  It excites the explorer in me. 

Like I said, I'm an emotional eater, or at least I have the proclivity to be one.  I define it as using food to cover emotions, boredom, stress, depression, etc.  The emotions I feel when I have beautiful food around me cannot be included in the same group of negative reasons to eat.  I feel a joyful exuberance.  If that's not the right emotion to feel when eating (if not a neutral feeling) well then I don't want to be right.

A very important moment in my whole dieting experience was realizing how restaurants make money:  mediocre restaurants make money with volume and great restaurants make money with quality.  For example, the Olive Garden's menu has very few items that are so complicated that they require absolute precision in the kitchen.  They fill you with bread and salad and gigantic entrees.  A great restaurant will put together a dish that has layered flavors, creative uses for the ingredients, and shows off technique. 

Think about going to a great restaurant, such as my experience of going to Wolfgang Puck's The Source (in DC) with gourmand friends of mine to celebrate a dear friend's birthday.  Someone ordered the "Spicy Tuna Tartare, Sesame-Miso Cones, Shaved Bonito, Tobiko" (one of his signature dishes).  I had no idea what most of that meant other than high quality raw tuna served creatively.

But compare this to a pile of nachos, or cheese fries, or chicken wings.  There's something very graceful and beautiful about this food.  There should be joy when consuming it.  You are ingesting something worthy of time and care, not a deep fat fryer. We sat around sampling this appetizer (3 cones for 8 people!) as well as the entrees that each of us ordered and tried to figure out what was in them, how they were prepared, and were just overwhelmed with the feeling of "you have to try this" and passing our plate to another person.  We all left feeling full, not just on food, but on the experience we shared with each other.

At this point I'm rambling, but if I could just impart one thing, one tiny piece of wisdom that as a 28 y/o woman it has taken a lifetime to learn:

You are worthy of nutritious, beautiful, tasty food.   You are worthy of something that takes more than 30-minutes to prepare.  You are worthy of a great ingredient, even if it means that you can't have a lot of it (i.e. go for the good whole chicken that costs $16 but lived its life among grass, and bugs, and sunlight rather than the $10 extra value pack of factory processed chicken thighs -- it might mean your portions are smaller and the chicken doesn't go as far, but that is okay, you will survive and be better for it).  You are worthy of eating food from a plate that was cooked on a stove versus eating food from a plastic dish that was cooked in a microwave.  You are worthy of the time it takes to sit and savor something.  And most importantly, you are worthy of feeling hungry.  Feeling hungry does not mean you have failed at providing your body with what it needs, it means you are listening to your body and respecting its cues.

Read this paragraph over and over until it becomes your mantra.  You won't feel like you're depriving yourself of something you want, but you're making a choice to honor your body, the work you do to keep it healthy, and I'd even go a step further and say you're honoring the person you will be tomorrow by not making that person deal with the residuals from today.