Truth is that I haven't been taking my own advice.
We all know my body hasn't been playing nice.
I'm going to get a new set of MRIs tomorrow (in a fancy schmancy 3Tesla machine!) -- and hopefully come up with a battle plan. It's not enough that doctors want to just deal with the symptoms. I need them to attack the cause and get me exercising again.
I don't think I realized just how important exercise is to me. Part of the mourning process is (1) I feel like that since I neglected giving my body exercise for so long, there's this latent feeling like I need to "make up" for lost time; (2) I'm an emotional eater. I'm not trying to say exercise gives me permission to overeat/emotional eat (damn you mac & cheese), but exercise helps balance my anxiety. It gives me a release. Without the release, stress/anxiety have taken a toll on my body in terms of stress eating and skin picking.
The other part of the mourning process is, well, the healing.
And the types of healing directly coincide with the "tracks" that we're either on or off:
- Mental healing -- forgive myself, allow myself to cry, get catharsis
- Food -- get back into food logging and asking myself "does this food get me closer or further from my goals"?
- Exercise -- do the physical therapy I already know to do, commit myself to what's coming
- Rest -- sleep well, wake up happy and hopeful
Speaking of my back -- thank you, everyone, for having my back. I know I'm not the easiest person to be around when I'm in pain, or even when I'm trying to process things mentally. I shut people out and stop asking for help. But please know it means so much to me to have people saying they can't wait to see me back at the gym, or posting happier/more triumphant posts, or even willing to help me pull up my underwear when bending over hurts. It's hard to feel this needy and broken.