In my last post I said that I "invited Mara to tea."
I think I should explain that a little better. There are many versions of the story, and I'm going to paraphrase a bunch, so just stick with me.
Mara is the Buddhist demon personification of doubt, fear, temptation, etc... i.e. all of the things that bring about suffering. While Siddhartha Guatama was under the bodhi tree trying to seek enlightenment, Mara did his best to distract Siddhartha from his spiritual journey. But each time Siddhartha was able to push back against Mara's forces and continue on his path. It wasn't until Siddhartha metaphorically jumped in Mara's mouth (i.e. met fear head-on) that Mara realized he had no power over Siddhartha. This is when he became the Buddha.
The Buddha then went out into the world to share his experiences and teach people how to find enlightenment. Sometimes he would see Mara in the distance in the same form of doubt, fear, temptation and instead of trying to fight Mara, the Buddha would wisely invite Mara to sit beside him, pouring a glass of tea for his guest. The Buddha wouldn't let Mara distract him from the task at hand, but he would acknowledge his presence.
I guess this is what I'm trying to say. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to have doubts and temptations, but they only cripple you when you try to fight them. Work with your fears and they enable you to achieve more than you would have expected.
So I admit my fears. I realize that I was scared (and misguided). I thought I'd have to run every day and eat rabbit food for the rest of my life. In the two weeks that I've slacked off (haven't really been to the gym, but still staying on track with a moderate/balanced diet), the scale only shows a 3lb gain -- and that was weighing myself at 4pm, after having eaten lunch (it could also be from my period or just water weight). Either way it doesn't mean I have failed in any way.
I didn't lose 29lbs over night. I won't put them back on over night.
Talk to anyone who has lost weight and this is their fear -- undoing the work. But admitting that you're afraid doesn't mean you're weak. It just means you're human.