FatGirl vs World

She and I were standing around just chit chatting -- she was waiting for her client and I was going to grab my lunch and we started talking.  I like her -- she's pretty badass when it comes to being a trainer.  She's a late-in-life triathlete from Poland.  She doesn't go easy on her clients.   I told her about my BodyMedia Fit, she told me about her recent vacation and how she ran 7 miles and then ate three donuts, and how that was "bad."  I told her how I don't like to talk about food in moral terms (i.e. "good" or "bad" food). She then told me about coming back from the beach and stopping at a Dairy Queen.  She saw two people getting out of a car.  "They were so big that they had to push their seats all the way back. And I wanted to tell them that they shouldn't be eating here."

And then out of left field, she said one of those things you never want to hear from a fitness professional:   "I don't know, I've never been big and I don't have any obese clients.  Are obese people that way because they're just that weak?"

My friend's blog entry, "Should Height Matter," got me thinking** about all the prejudices out there in the dating world.  I'm in the "de gustibus non est disputandum" school of thought -- "there's no disputing taste."  We like what we like.  There's no right or wrong.


This post is about the "D.U.F.F." -- the Designated Ugly Fat Friend a/k/a the "Big Fat Friend" a/k/a the "grenade."

Through no fault of my friends (i.e., they aren't/weren't friends with me just so they could look better by comparison, but we were actually people with common interests and mutual affection), I've been treated like a DUFF many times -- the plain friend that's the gatekeeper to the beautiful ladies.  It's not a group of 6 hot bitches, it's a group of 5 hot bitches and their body guard/personnel manager.  Instead of approaching their mark directly, a guy who thinks he's all crafty will cozy up to me and say "That hamburger looks tasty.  So....who's your friend? What's her story?"


In high school, I twice (that I know of) had guys use me to get to my girlfriends.  One of them was especially painful because I was also good friends with him and I would be the one who he'd talk to on the phone, pouring his heart out because she treated him like crap.  And yet, he could never be interested in me, despite being smart, caring, and a great friend.  Completely out of the question.

It didn't stop in college, and it hasn't stopped in my adult dating life.  I'll go to a bar and some guy will chat me up just to ask "When are you going to introduce me to your cute friend over there?" "First, never, because I know she doesn't like guys without balls.  Secondly, stop eating my fries."

The thing is this -- you can have 5 perfect 10 foxes go out together, and invariably one will feel like the DUFF/BFF without having anyone else confirm it.  Heck, maybe all 5 feel like their the DUFF/BFF.  Maybe she's insecure about her intelligence, maybe she thinks she's not as good as a conversationalist as the other.  But trust me, women are comparing themselves to all the other women in the room.  We don't need some douchebag exacerbating the situation. ((Disclaimer -- I know not ALL guys are like this, but the douchebag is ruining it for you too.))

In regards to stereotypes -- I wonder if society regards overweight/obese people as the consummate wingman/wingwoman, the yentas of our social groups.   We're smart, we're funny, we like to have a good time, and society either thinks we're asexual or happy with the leftovers.   We're the sidekicks, the punchlines, the ones left behind. 

Ack this is getting ranty!  Instead of editing, I'm just going to cut it short:  dudes, don't be afraid to look at the DUFF as an actual person that you might consider dating or hanging out with, not just as a means to an end.  You never know, you might find someone you like that will share her fries with you.  And I promise you, I'll try to start looking at short guys as more than just comic relief.



** It also made me think about how we project personality traits onto certain physical types, and how those stereotypes make us have expectations.  Are short people expected to be funny/charming to make up for their lack of height, for example? Do people associate fat people with laziness? How much of body type bias is learned, and how much is intrinsic/evolutionary?

So last night I crashed the Anytime Fitness Conference -- not to cause any trouble, but to hang out with Stephen/@WhoAteMyBlog and Tony/@TheAntiJared (very nice meeting you both!) in what Stephen called "a FatGirl sandwich":

I hung around to watch Stepehen get an Anytime Fitness "running man" tattoo. While we were standing in line (on a bit of a stage with lights and 3 tattoo artists) waiting, I took a moment to chat with Tony about various blog topics, when all of a sudden.... Stephen fainted. 

I had my back to Stephen at the time (I had taken a knee on the floor in front of him to be able to talk to Tony standing on the conference room floor 3-4 feet below).  According to some people who witness this happen, Stephen slid along a railing, slid off my back (I fell forward and into a table, but that slowed the fall), and then on to the floor face first.  I'm thankful to have been there for two reasons -- one, he could have fallen 4 feet below if I hadn't been there, and two because of these:


Time and time again I will tell people to get these certifications.

Luckily Stephen didn't require these skills, but the training helps you stay clear minded and in control in a sometimes-chaotic situation.  Unfortunately, people don't always listen to the young person there and did a few things that I wouldn't have recommended except that Stephen regained consciousness fairly quickly.  But luckily all turned out okay, and Stephen is fine. 

The bottom line is to go to your Red Cross -- get AED/CPR and First Aid certified.  It's such a small fraction of your time to be able to help someone else if they need it.

(It has come in handy time and time again -- I have first responded a car accident where a friend's father hit a tree and was going into shock, been able to make a sling out of a t-shirt for someone that dislocated their arm (twice), helped a coworker through labor pains, helped a coworker having a cardiac situation, helped a boxing classmate splint a finger that had ruptured a tendon, etc.  In other words, having the training gave me the confidence to step in and say "I can help" when other people just stood by not knowing what to do.)

PS:  Please read this as well, as a reminder that (1) you can drink too much water and (2) giving water/a drink to someone that doesn't feel well isn't advisable.