So...who's your friend?10:04:00 PM
My friend's blog entry, " Should Height Matter ," got me thinking ** about all the prejudices out there in the dating world. ...
My friend's blog entry, "Should Height Matter," got me thinking** about all the prejudices out there in the dating world. I'm in the "de gustibus non est disputandum" school of thought -- "there's no disputing taste." We like what we like. There's no right or wrong.
This post is about the "D.U.F.F." -- the Designated Ugly Fat Friend a/k/a the "Big Fat Friend" a/k/a the "grenade."
Through no fault of my friends (i.e., they aren't/weren't friends with me just so they could look better by comparison, but we were actually people with common interests and mutual affection), I've been treated like a DUFF many times -- the plain friend that's the gatekeeper to the beautiful ladies. It's not a group of 6 hot bitches, it's a group of 5 hot bitches and their body guard/personnel manager. Instead of approaching their mark directly, a guy who thinks he's all crafty will cozy up to me and say "That hamburger looks tasty. So....who's your friend? What's her story?"
In high school, I twice (that I know of) had guys use me to get to my girlfriends. One of them was especially painful because I was also good friends with him and I would be the one who he'd talk to on the phone, pouring his heart out because she treated him like crap. And yet, he could never be interested in me, despite being smart, caring, and a great friend. Completely out of the question.
It didn't stop in college, and it hasn't stopped in my adult dating life. I'll go to a bar and some guy will chat me up just to ask "When are you going to introduce me to your cute friend over there?" "First, never, because I know she doesn't like guys without balls. Secondly, stop eating my fries."
The thing is this -- you can have 5 perfect 10 foxes go out together, and invariably one will feel like the DUFF/BFF without having anyone else confirm it. Heck, maybe all 5 feel like their the DUFF/BFF. Maybe she's insecure about her intelligence, maybe she thinks she's not as good as a conversationalist as the other. But trust me, women are comparing themselves to all the other women in the room. We don't need some douchebag exacerbating the situation. ((Disclaimer -- I know not ALL guys are like this, but the douchebag is ruining it for you too.))
In regards to stereotypes -- I wonder if society regards overweight/obese people as the consummate wingman/wingwoman, the yentas of our social groups. We're smart, we're funny, we like to have a good time, and society either thinks we're asexual or happy with the leftovers. We're the sidekicks, the punchlines, the ones left behind.
Ack this is getting ranty! Instead of editing, I'm just going to cut it short: dudes, don't be afraid to look at the DUFF as an actual person that you might consider dating or hanging out with, not just as a means to an end. You never know, you might find someone you like that will share her fries with you. And I promise you, I'll try to start looking at short guys as more than just comic relief.
** It also made me think about how we project personality traits onto certain physical types, and how those stereotypes make us have expectations. Are short people expected to be funny/charming to make up for their lack of height, for example? Do people associate fat people with laziness? How much of body type bias is learned, and how much is intrinsic/evolutionary?