Blissfully Happy

I've said before that I don't think anyone got overweight/obese by being blissfully happy with their life.  But I don't think I...

I've said before that I don't think anyone got overweight/obese by being blissfully happy with their life.  But I don't think I've really gone in to the corollary to that -- which is that many people who are overweight/obese are unhappy and don't own up to it.  Rather than admitting and living through their unhappiness, they stuff it down.

So it's with that in mind that I want to say two things, in reverse order:

1. Thank you and I appreciate it.
2. But if I'm going through a funk, it doesn't necessarily mean I've given in, or that I need rescue.

Ask anyone who has successfully lost the weight and kept it off:  in order to be successful with this battle, you need to be familiar with your emotions.  You don't need to spill your guts all over the internet, but you need to be on a first name basis with the negative emotions you (most of us) were trying to bury with food.

It's healthy to say "I'M ANGRY" or "I'M FRUSTRATED."  It's even healthy to say "I FEEL A LITTLE LOST."  It doesn't mean you've given up, doesn't mean you're failing.  Just means you know where you are.

And in order to climb out of the pit of despair (as it feels sometimes) you need to be able to take the first step and call a spade a spade.  And then climb.  And climb some more.

Like I said in a previous entry, "Here, I very clearly understood that all emotions (not just anger, and not just the positive emotions) have their place, have their time, and have their own needs."  So when I'm expressing frustration, anger, feeling lost, etc., I don't need a "cheer up" or "you're doing well," I need to hear "ain't it a bitch" or "I've been there."  Remind me that saying the words STAGNATION or WISHY WASHY, or UNFOCUSED are ways of naming what I feel, and it's better than running to the refrigerator.

Worry more if I say "don't worry, I'm fine" or "it's okay, I don't want to talk about it."  That means I'm shutting down and giving in.

I haven't done that yet, now, have I?

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12 comments

  1. I admire your courage! Happy we are Twitter friends. :-)

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  2. I agree with you - it's totally ok to accept feeling down sometimes, and when people give you the pep talk, it almost feels like they're trying to invalidate your feelings. I think I'm at a much healthier place now because I know that having a bad day here and there is normal for everyone, and that even if it's more than a day or two, it will eventually pass.

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  3. Cara: I feel you on the invalidation factor. I know it's not what people intend. They want to be supportive and understanding. Instead of saying "what can I do to help" they assume they know. It's not malice, just obliviousness sometimes.

    And you're right -- it does pass.

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  4. fuck.

    I have no other words after reading this post...well, no coherent words...its a jumble in my brain right now.

    thanks.

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  5. I push people away and shut down more when they say, "Oh it's ok. You are just in a funk and will be your happy self tomorrow." Everyone has emotions and you are entitled to have a bad effin day. That doesn't mean it needs to be fixed, but rather an ear to hear you bitch about it.

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  6. Ain't it grand how you can be inspiring even if you aren't inspired? Back ass, but true.
    Jughugs, K

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  7. TFM -- I remember after my mom died people would stay the stupidest shit about the sadness passing and things getting better. Instead of being sympathetic/empathetic they were trying to solve and/or sugar coat things. From then on I have just had the worst reaction to people symathizing/empathizing badly. I know I should be more generous of thought, but why reinforce bad behavior?

    MTG Kirsten: it's odd how that happens. I just hope it's a reminder for other bloggers to not white wash their struggles and only report on the victories and successes.

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  8. 1) Thank you, and I appreciate this post.
    2) I know sometimes I do need a 'cheer up' or 'it will get better', but I'll keep your words in mind in future comments :)

    And incidentally, I've been "there". Actually, I am "there", in that funk. And it didn't strike me until reading this how much easier it has gotten since I finally admitted that.

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  9. Sasha -- I'm glad this post was what you needed to read. And yeah, sometimes people need a friendly word or two, and I won't begrudge them that (I'm always trying to keep people motivated at the gym by giving thumbs up or a "you've got this.")

    I think when you identify the negative emotions, you temper them and hold them accountable.

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<3 Robby