My mom used to joke that I was always 13-going-on-30 -- that I was too mature and serious for my age. She also would joke that I would never survive to see 30 (i.e. that my mouth/attitude would get me in trouble).
A cloud hung over me for most of the current year because of my (lack of a) romantic life. When I thought the right person had entered my life, I made up my mind to be open, honest, and willing to love someone. I went all in and came up short in the cards. I wondered if I had squandered time and energy trying to force my life into an equation. I learned there is no equation. And while I don't want to harp on the past, I do want to say that it was enough to cause me to lose my way a bit. That coupled with some injuries made me lose sight of why I was doing all of this (the blog, the journey) in the first place. I felt I was lagging behind, or didin't know what everyone else knew.
So lying in bed on my 30th birthday, I sorted through my thoughts and tried to figure out what to say when invariably people would ask me "How does it feel to be 30?"
I'm thankful. My family is awesome, my friends are amazing ("Dear friends, You are angels and drunks, you are magi. Old friends, you stuck a pin in a map I was in, And you are the stars I navigate home by" Elbow), and I have 2 kitties to curl up with at night. I have a job I love working with people I respect and admire, a regular paycheck, and great benefits. I'm able to provide for myself.
I'm healthy. How many people get to say that they're in better physical shape at 30 than they were at 16? Sure I have aches and pains here and there, but given my diagnosis, I'm happy to say I have more good days than bad. Not only am I physically healthy, but I'm more mentally and emotionally balanced as a whole.
I'm unencumbered. I couldn't figure out the right word to describe what I mean, but at 30, I feel so free in my life. I'm not bogged down by the emotional crap I was trying to figure out in my 20s. I'm not trying to prove anything to anyone, not even myself. I can make of the day or any situation what I choose to make of it.
In other words....
I woke up wanting to go to boxing, go to work, thank everyone for remembering my birthday, and celebrate the life I have been lucky enough to have.
"Bring. It. On."
Oh, and if you saw on twitter how I wrote that all I wanted for my birthday was for former New York Giant Kevin Boss to unblock me (why he blocked me we'll never know).... well... wishes do come true.