I'm still here....

I haven't had much to say lately. Just trying to stay on the path and keep my spirits up. The one thing I did kinda want to talk about...

I haven't had much to say lately. Just trying to stay on the path and keep my spirits up.

The one thing I did kinda want to talk about is tangential to the whole weight loss process.
I have so many friends who have done the work -- lost the weight, found their self-esteem and in the process found out just how strong and wonderful they are.

And guys.... guys still are assholes to them.  My beautiful, intelligent, talented, strong, inspirational friends who have paved the way for me to go on my own journey are being treated so badly.  It really upsets me.  I mean, if guys do this to them... what's in store for me?

Is this what our grandmothers and mothers fought so hard for with women's lib?


A Single Girl's Dating Manifesto:

1.  It might be all bold and modern for a girl to ask a guy out, but we'd like to know your testicles are still attached to the rest of your body.  If you're interested, do the asking, or we'll just assume you're not interested and move along.

2.  Men and women can figure out if they want to have sex with each other in under 30 seconds.  But finding to have someone to have sex with is easy.  Harder to find, though, is someone I want to spend time with.  Allocate more than 15 minutes for our first date.  Better yet, allocate more than an hour.  An hour isn't much to risk even if the date is horrible.

3.  Women know that there's a communication gap between the sexes.  That being said, you still need to attempt to communicate.  Use your words and we'll try to speak your language of action. 

4.  If you are not interested in us, or have lost interest in us, have the balls to at least say it.  Do not just fade off into the sunset.  That requires no courage and makes you look like a wimp.

5.  Yes, we might be strong and independent, but we still need you.  Okay, so it might not be in the ways you are expecting (opening jars, stepping on spiders, or fixing a car), but we still need to feel protected and safe.  Do your best to show us that you will be there for us when times get rough.

6.  Okay, you're dissatisfied.  Either realize that relationships take work or break up with me.  Cheating requires no spine. 
 
[to be continued]

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21 comments

  1. You can change yourself and your reactions to the assholes, but you can never completely avoid assholes. They're everywhere.

    Don't get me started on Women's Lib.

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  2. They are everywhere. Just not in my bed.

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  3. Hmm, must be more set up to this post that I must have missed. Whatever it is, keeping the assholes at great distance from your bed is wise.

    My single & dating days are so history, but some thoughts for kicks on your manifesto points...

    1- When my buds & I were on the loose we never expected a girl to make the first move. When one did, I can count on one hand how many times it did; our faces surely looked like those of a child who was just served ice cream for dinner.

    2- I think my shortest 1st date was 4 hours; if the norm now is 15 MINUTES, what the heck happened to dating over the past 20 years?

    3- I sucked sucked sucked at starting conversation. Not once did I come off as any kind of man of action I am sure. But in honest reflection, I've always been deft at quick wit, so usually once that ice broke, I could manage just fine.

    4- This is just human nature for both sexes. I've been interested in that 2nd date only to have phone messages go un-returned. And I admit to an instance of not being johnny-on-the-spot with telling a girl that this wasn't going past date one. In reflection, I can't recall why I hesitated so many days before clarifying that for her.

    5- Yeah, this one is kind of cool actually. I am attracted to strong minded / independently motivated women. Something I obviously didnt know when I journeyed into my first marriage; a story for another day. But I nailed it the 2nd time around. Yet as strong as she is, she definitelty shares the same need which you describe here. And it is a real treat to meet it.

    Hey, glad you are still here :-)

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  4. re 4 -- It pisses me off when guys don't close the door just b/c they want to keep you as an option for a booty call. It's weak sauce.

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  5. Ugh, the "what's in store for me" question troubles me too. While my thin, beautiful friends have their fair share of guy problems, what I've found is that fat girls are like asshole magnets. Why? Because asshole guys assume that fat girls must have low self-esteem, are desperate for validation and therefore more likely to hop in bed with them. They think they don't have to try. I could write pages on this topic and am considering a blog post about it, but I also hate how bitter I come off sounding...

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  6. Yeah... I hate sounding bitter...
    But more than anything, it brings out my protective side. I want to save my girlfriends from this pain.

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  7. Save yourself this kind of hassle and just learn to love yourself!!

    xx
    lesley

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  8. You assume I (or my female friends) don't love ourselves. We do. But it doesn't take care of loneliness.

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  9. Cats and Vibrators for EVERYONE!!!!!

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  10. Vibrating cats, that's the comment of the century. :)

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  11. 1. I've done the asking, but never if I didn't see SOMETHING to indicate a reasonable chance of a YES from a lady to begin with. Rejection is a bitch. Some men employ the shotgun approach, and i'm jealous at how much that works for them in a weird way. They key is to not be phased by rejection in the slightest. A happy medium is key I suppose, don't be shy to ask, and something we could do better. That said, my last couple have asked me out though, which is unusual, some men are slow on the uptake. :) Or we have similar self-esteem issues that ladies wrangle with sometimes.

    2. Yeah, where I'm from, a date is an entire evening. Where the heck did the 150min date spring from??

    3. Wanted: One Martian to Venusian translator. :)

    4 & 6. Yeah, this pisses me off too, and sometimes men are the brunt of it also. Be in a relationship, or not. Some people are weak-ass humans to their fellow humans.

    5. Fair point! And I'm INCREDIBLE at jar opening!

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  12. Signor Belfast Biker:

    Purrrrr **buzz** purrrrr.

    1. I feel bad for guys regarding rejection -- just know women get rejected as well. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? To that end I try to be gentile if I'm not interested in the guy but appreciative of his efforts.

    2. These mini dates... like speed dating. People arne't interested in finding out if they're compatible for relationships, just want to know if they're sexually compatible.

    3. It's not hard to translate. Just takes practice and patience on both parts.

    4 & 6. I've seen men and women do this, but I think men do it more often. That's just my take on it.

    5. I'm also good at opening jars :)

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  13. I love your rules. As a girl just starting to date (at 23!!!), it's been a very educational experience.

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  14. Yes, great rules. I wish that I would have had more confidence in myself when I was younger. Then, I wouldn't have to go through all the heartache and piece of crap men. At the same time, I learned after a while. I ended up with a great guy who treats me like a princess. There is hope!!! ;)

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  15. Kendra: the guy that ends up with you is not just a lucky guy but is probably a very strong guy.

    Nicole: i'm so lucky that i know lots of great guys that are both family (like my dad and brother) and friends -- they're great boyfriends, and husbands. They show their love with actions, not just words.

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  16. Well, I just found your blog. I have to say--I'm totally impressed by you. And I'm doing a very similar thing (or trying to? or trying to?) in my life--trying to figure out how to get my body and my spirit on the same team. A good team. A forward-moving and goal-reaching and happy team. You--and this blog and the kind of rhetoric you're committed to--are motivating. Very motivating. Thank you.

    Also, your favorite quote from the Biggest Loser is my favorite quote from the Biggest Loser. Just last night I was telling my roommate that I think about it all the time. "But what if you go in there and you can?" It makes me feel like trying.

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  17. Sarah: it always means a lot to me when I have friends/family follow my blog. You've all seen me at my worst and know just how far I've come.

    The hardest bit of all of this is getting your mind on board with your body. Most people I know originally thought it'd be the other way around...that their body would hold them back. Once they're in the thick of it, they realize it's their mind that has been limiting them all along. At some point we stopped challening our bodies. The sad part is that our mind suffers when this happens, not just our bodies.

    I'm glad I can be a motivation to you :) Man I cry every time I think about that quote -- and that a mother said it to her daughter. Sheryl said exactly what i needed to hear. I think we all need to know that it's okay to fail, but it's also okay to succeed.

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<3 Robby