Same Dress, Different Time

 May 11, 2011  September 22, 2012 with Ms. Bitchcakes ! You know that sinking feeling when you know (1) you've just taken a...



May 11, 2011

September 22, 2012 with Ms. Bitchcakes!
You know that sinking feeling when you know (1) you've just taken a horrible picture and (2) when you know you've gained back the weight you fought so hard to lose?  Yeah.... that.

Then to make matters worse...the external self-judgment:

You know, I can be all "RAH RAH SIS BOOM BAH" about self-acceptance 'til I'm blue in the face -- but the thing is this -- I see "self" as a multi-layered construct.

I love myself beyond compare.  All the neurons that make me the loveable, wonderful person that I am, I love her without any hesitation.

It's this body I have issues with -- it's failing me.  When I look at the photo of me and the gorgeous Sheryl, all I see is my injury.  I see a person that is desperate to exercise, desperate to dance, and live.  This is how I can be hurt and frustrated with my injury while having an abundance of self-love. 

Make any sense?  I'm not being self-depricating or deletory to my own body.  I just think that you can love yourself while not accepting something that makes you less than healthy. 

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12 comments

  1. it does make sense
    and it also makes me wanna hug you.

    xoxox

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  2. I love that pic! What were you guys doing right there?
    And they all are right, you both are very beautiful

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  3. I thought you looked gorgeous but I also totally get what you're saying. I love myself - I love that I'm funny and smart but I won't accept the body I'm in now. That needs work. At that Self Acceptance discussion I was thinking acceptance of how I am now physically would lead to apathy.

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  4. I think I can relate.. I've gained back 25 lbs recently and all I can do is ask myself why?!?!? Our life is a journey though... and if it were all prince charmings and happily ever afters then what kind of fun would it be?? I'm kicking my ass into high gear and getting back that body I love!!

    All this to say... chin up! You can do it.

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  5. I get it honey, but remember to CONTROL THE THINGS YOU CAN. You can't control the limitations at this very moment so do something else. Eat well. Sleep well. find something, ANYTHING that moves you.

    I love you, and to me you are perfect. You'd look fabulous, but I can understand the frustration and the disappointment. Don't let it get to you.

    xxx

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  6. So here's the thing: can you accept that your body and your injury are not the same thing? Can you see your amazing spirit as being PART OF your body? And can you separate an injury from true health?

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  7. I wish we had had more time to chat injury and self acceptance and all that jazz at Fitbloggin'. I hear you loud and clear on this "I see a person that is desperate to exercise, desperate to dance, and live. This is how I can be hurt and frustrated with my injury while having an abundance of self-love. "

    You are more than your injury. Unfortunately though it has to be about the food. We can't rely on exercise to burn calories or make us feel better (allthough sometimes it does.) but we must be conscious of every bite.

    Which is crazy hard to do when you hurt. I don't know about you but all I want to do when I hurt is eat. It's a battle.

    xo

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  8. Okay, so I've had some time to think about all of your comments and all I can come up with this:

    1. I can't think of my injury as separate from me. The minute I do that, the minute I make it the "other," the easier it is to villify it. My injury is my body, it is my genes. It wasn't someone or something that did this to me. And i am not going to separate myself from any part of myself. That's what got me into this mess in the first place -- when i separated my emotions from my body.

    2. You're all right -- there's accepting the reality of the injury, and then there's allowing the injury to rob all of my self-efficacy and power. I'm aiming for the former and fighting the latter.

    3. I love you all for your support.

    4. I think Janet Ober and I might apply to do a talk at Fitbloggin 2013 about injuries. It's going to be great.

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  9. 1) I can't believe we only got a goofy picture together. I blame all the beer I drank that night :P
    2) You've been through a lot and accepting where you are right now, though I know it isn't pleasant, is important. (And it sounds like you've already done that)
    3) You are so kick ass I know you can and will do anything (within your ability) that you want to
    4) of course you can love yourself in spite of that. you're already proof of that!
    5) Hi Dad!

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  10. 1) I think that means we get to retake it
    2) There's a great quote about "forgiveness means giving up all hopes of a better past" -- and accepting where i am right now means accepting that I couldn't change how I arrived at where I am.
    3) Thank you for the vote of confidence
    4) I love myself beyond compare -- doesn't preclude me from being frustrated, though.
    5) I don't know if my dad reads my comments... but well.. he should now :)

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<3 Robby