Fear

I've spoken quite a lot about degenerative disc disease as it relates to my back injuries. But how about how it relates to my mother?...

I've spoken quite a lot about degenerative disc disease as it relates to my back injuries.

But how about how it relates to my mother?  She had it too -- she had three herniated discs in her neck and three herniated discs in her lower back.  She didn't deal with it well (i.e., seeking therapeutic relief, trying to stretch or build strength, etc.).  I'd like to think that I've taken the high road by not drowning my pain in alcohol or pain medication as many people do.

However I live in constant fear of the progression of this disease.  My spine ages faster than most people's spines.  Not just my lower back, but all of my back.

For the past week I've been feeling pain in my neck and shoulder.  Sometimes my arm feels weak or numb.  I'm scared as hell that i have another bulging disc in my cervical or thoracic spine -- or worse, a herniation. 

Did boxing do it? Did running/compression do it? Did sleeping do it?  Any way you look at it, I'm scared to go through this all over again.  The months of rehab, the depression, the fear, the anxiety....

I mentioned that I would love to know what my body is supposed to look like -- i.e. what I'll look like at the end of this journey.  But really, my only wish is to have a healthy body.

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8 comments

  1. There isn't anything I can say here to make physical pain go away, so I'll just say this:

    I wish for you to feel better Robby. I hope things work out the way you want.

    Be well my friend! I'm sending healing vibes your way.

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  2. I, too, wish for you to feel better!

    I feel silly asking this, because I am sure you've already done it, but have you asked a doctor or chiropractor for advice in terms of what physical activity is best?

    BIG HUGS!

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  3. Karen:

    They want me to do non-impact workouts like yoga and swimming. But they bore the hell out of me (especially because i no longer live near the ocean).

    The general guideline -- no running, no weights, no torque.

    I know there are certain things i have to give up and/or modify. I can't jump anymore, so no volleyball (I loved playing it as a kid), no lifting weights, no running on hard ground (elliptical has to be level, though, or I feel it in my back).

    Even at softball, I'd rather take a walk than throw my back out swinging.

    But I've ignored the doctors' advice and I'm better than 90% of their patients with similar ailments. I know how to treat myself.

    If i have a few bad days -- so be it.... but It's better than the mental anguish of giving up everything.

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  4. As someone who has had my share of pain issues I commend you for taking control of your pain management and life. It is SO easy to get lost in the sea of pain "management" medication and I applaud you for not falling victim. :)

    -Sarah
    fitango.com

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  5. no joke, self awareness is so key in these situations! i have 100% confidence that this time will be different (if in fact it is the worst case scenario) because you have done SO WELL in preparing yourself. you ROCK. rock. hard.

    you will conquer this like you have conquered so many other things. goooo you!

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  6. I hope you feel better soon :)

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<3 Robby