If it's good enough for Martha...

So Martha Stewart joined Match.com .  And well, if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me. .  Brief history : -- I ...

So Martha Stewart joined Match.com

And well, if it's good enough for her, it's good enough for me.

Brief history:
-- I used to have a love.aol.com profile when I was 18, mainly because I had low self confidence.  Guys would talk to me, but it was mainly because they wanted to meet my friends.

-- I've joined PlentyOfFish (cesspool, deleted), OkCupid (some friends were on it, and I've made some friends using it), Match, Eharmony (they didn't really want me), as well as SeekingArrangement (purely to research why guys want that kind of arrangement, yielded interesting results).  Heck, I even met people off of Craigslist (back when it wasn't sketchy... okay, it was always sketchy).


-- as compared to some women I personally know or have read about, I don't go on as many dates as they do.  Don't get me wrong, if a guy asks me, I'm usually pretty game.  But I dislike it if I give a guy my phone number and all he does is text me when he's horny. 

-- I've had mixed results:  guys who would look at me and bail, guys who were clearly only interested in sex, and guys who were plenty nice, but there was no chemistry.

-- and well...  ugh....


So why did I get a 3-month subscription to Match.com?  Well, I was listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast from a while ago called "Making Friends is Hard to Do" and she talks about it in terms of how your life changes when you get out of unhealthy environments and relationships and need to rebuild, but she also fields a call about a woman who is timid about dating.

I've blogged in the past about how I'm perceived as "Intimi-dating"  and how people have always advised me to tone it down, when I meet guys. Jillian said something to the tune of "eventually people will figure out who you are...so why not be authentic? You have nothing to lose by being who you truly are." That really struck a nerve.  I think part of the reason why I'm gunshy about dating is (1) I don't want to disappoint and (2) I'm too worried about the image I'm crafting for the guy to see that I don't enjoy myself.

Jillian makes the good point that you should be who you are, and if someone doesn't like that (and has the balls to be honest with you) then they are doing you a favor by just eliminating one more person from the dating pool.  I don't need validation from some stranger that I'm worthy of (their) love.  I already know that because of how I treat myself. But I also know that I am my best person when I'm loving on someone that deserves my love.  So I also am worthy of giving myself my best chance.

I'll let you know how it all goes :)

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5 comments

  1. Great post! I'm learning and trying to reaffirm that I don't need validation from anyone that I'm worthy of their love. It's a process! I really love how you stated that you're your best person when you're loving on someone that deserves your love. That struck a cord with me! amen!

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  2. It's definitely a process -- I think one has to learn not to take it personally when there's no chemistry or interest. Just learn what you can and move on. You never know, that person might lead you to the person you're supposed to be with.

    I firmly believe that you can't view people as fixer-uppers -- either take them as they are or get a move on.

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  3. As they say, the right guy will admire, all the things that the wrong ones were intimidated about. You are absolutely right in saying that we should not allow anybody to make us feel that we are unworthy of love and genuine attention. I wish you all the best in life and love. :)

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  4. Thank you Kara :)
    I hope I have good news to report...

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  5. Love Love Love this post!! When I first started dating, I was in no way myself.. I was shallow and insane and meeting the types of men that shallow and insane attracts. Not fun. So I changed things and started being myself.

    I'm happy to say that I met my current BF on POF because we started quoting Monty Python at each other and one of my best male freinds because he was all about body acceptance (before I was completely comfortable with myself).

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<3 Robby