So after being sick, I've gained back the weight, and a little more because of some emotional eating. This has always been my issue. The yo-yo. Up some, down some. Plateaus. And my cat even noticed -- he put his favorite toy on my wii fit to remind me to get back in the game.
I've written before that there were two main weight-gaining experiences in my life -- the death of my nana when I was 8, and the death of my mom when I was 13. I didn't have the emotional resources to deal with their deaths for a variety of reasons. The other part of it (and the hardest part for me to let go) is that the people taking care of me didn't have the emotional resources to help me, or to even recognize that there was a problem.
So now I'm on my own. And I'm the one that's responsible for my own success and my own failures. It makes the successes that much more sweet and the failures that much harder to rebound from. I also have another factor that wasn't present before -- alcohol. Just like food was when I was 8 and 13, I let my mind think the alcohol is a comfort. This is dangerous not only because alcoholism runs in my family, but because alcohol is empty calories and destroys my digestive system. The alcohol undermines the goals I've set for myself.
I know what's coming up in the near future, and I can't, I just can't repeat what's happened in the past. I need to find the emotional strength to face the pain head on and not try to swallow it.