Because of all of this, I do think that I understand the whole Clark Kent/Superman dichotomy a little better. There's Robby -- the vulnerable person that still struggles, succeeds, and learns and there's FGvW -- the Superhero that advocates for the journey, the ideals, the pursuit of health.
The hardest part for Robby is when FGvW wants to speak up in Robby's personal life.
Someone close to Robby said something along the lines of "I need a full-length mirror to remind myself of how disgusting I am. That will motivate me."
Robby understands that. Robby has been there.
Robby understands how hard it is to "make love of yourself perfect." (the June 2011 #GoTheDist Challenge was by all accounts one of the hardest I asked people to undertake.)
But FatGirlvsWorld knows that if you start this journey from a place of self-hatred, that you will fail.
FatGirlvsWorld also knows that the only way you succeed in the weightloss/healthgain journey is if you start from a place of overwhelming love and acceptance.
Robby wishes that she could wrap that up in a little package and give the gift of the epiphany to other people. FGvW knows that the epiphany comes about as a result of either exhausting all the other options, or doing the hard work of fighting all your demons.
So Robby stands by, and hopes that the people she loves are inspired by the path she has taken, that they see the person she was and the superhero she has become and they decide that they want in on it.
In other news ...
Last night I wrote on my (personal) facebook page
November/December/January/February were hard -- not being able to exercise, feeling broken, and not knowing what the future held for me/my health -- but after running my 107th mile this month, I think I finally believe that I can handle whatever the universe throws my way.I feel like I've turned a corner on this injury -- not that I'm 100% healed, just that I'm not so handicapped by my mind. I'm (rightfully) letting my body take the lead.
I noticed that there was a typo on my last post. Normally I'd go back and change it, but I think there might be a little bit of wisdom in it: I meant to say "Lift like you've never lifted before" and instead it came out as "Lift life you've never lifted before."
Now, I have no idea what my brain meant by "lift life" -- but somewhere between my brain and fingers, I think I was trying to tell myself something. In meditating on this, I remembered the book "The Things They Carried," in which Tim O'Brien describes soldiers in the Vietnam War by what they carried physically, mentally, and emotionally. More often than not, they came across as burdens and weight that brought them closer to their own mortality.
I wondered if the weightloss/healthgain journey can be likened to a war -- where we have to decide whether the things we carry with us (and more importantly the weight we carry on our bodies) are bringing us closer to life or bringing us closer to death.
Was "Lift life you've never lifted before" a challenge to engage life and elevate that engagement to a place higher and more important than our ties to our own burdens?