FatGirl vs World

Said no one ever:

I went to the gas station and got too much gas, so I'm going to drive around for a few hours until I use up all that extra fuel. 

Said no one ever:

I'm going to go on a cross-country trip, but I don't need to put gas in the tank.  I'll run on fumes.

Cause that would be crazy.... right? Sadly, there are people doing this right now, but not to their cars, but to their bodies.  For National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, I want to talk about a disorder that doesn't seem to get a as much press as anorexia or bulimia:  Exercise Bulimia (also known as compulsive exercising, anorexia athletica, hypergymnasia, or exercise addiction). 
Symptoms of Exercise Bulimia include:

• Inflexibility as to time of day and mode of exercise
• Exercise even when sick or injured
• Prioritizing exercise over social dates, family functions, work, or school
• Intense fear at states of rest
• Intense anxiety at situations where preferred method of exercise is unavailable
• Intense guilt when forced to stray from exercise routine
• Refusal to eat if unable to exercise

This first-person narrative really gets to the heart of exercise bulimia: 

But a couple of years after the program, I decided I want to eat [she was anorexic and bulimic]. I didn’t want to be anorexic again and I didn’t want to be bulimic. The only thing I could think to do was to exercise -- that would then give me permission to eat. And that’s when the exercise addiction sort of replaced my eating addiction. In my late 20s and early 30s I became addicted to exercise. It was something I was doing three, four, sometimes five hours a day, doing it for a couple of hours before work and then spending three hours after work at the gym. I realize there are professional athletes and people who absolutely love to exercise. I am so impressed with the fact that they can do this. But I hate exercising because I take it to such an extreme. My body hurts, but I’m not listening to my body -- I keep pushing it and pushing it and pushing it.

This breaks New Rule #2:  I will do no harm to my body. 

1. Do you know how much is too much exercise? How do you know?
2. Do you think the culture of diet/weight loss bloggers encourages/promotes/enables unhealthy habits with regards to exercise?
3. If you thought you had a friend with exercise addiction, would you try to intervene? 
    

So...doot da do... Grimmway Farms was AWESOME and sent me some swag as a prize for participating in their #JustCrunchEm chat (emceed by Courney Crozier (BL11) during the Biggest Loser a few weeks ago.
They sent me The Biggest Loser Family Cookbook (2008) signed by Sione Fa (BL7), Felipe Fa (BL7), and Mark *mumbles through his last name* Pinhasovich (BL10) (who are all so very handsome and dreamy).  They also sent me a fancy Just Crunch Em tumbler (that I've already used for my mean green smoothie):


I'm really appreciative towards the gang at Grimmway farms and former BL contestants involved in the giveaway.  However.... I take issue with a few of the things said in the cookbook:

"Don't let meal scraps go to waste.  If your kids aren't going to eat the leftovers on their plates, can Fido?  Dog food is expensive! And after all, he's part of the family too.

Why am I not impressed with this?  There are many foods that we eat that are harmful to a pet's digestive system.  And more than that, you should also be mindful of your pet's diet and nutritional needs.  It's just as hard for a pet to lose weight as it is for you to lose weight.

But even worse than that was this little nugget:


First of all, the math is not simple.  This is why I strongly suggest getting a BodyMedia Armband (click here to get 15% off), so you can measure your caloric expenditure rather than just estimating it.   This is the only guideline the book offers in terms of calculating caloric intake.  It says nothing about caloric expenditure/multiplier factors (such as the Harris-Benedict Equation) for people that have active lifestyles or workout. 

Secondly, I'm a voracious reader of all things diet and nutrition related, and most dietitians and doctors agree that people should never go under certain caloric thresholds.  It varies among experts, but it's usually between 1200 and 1400 calories.  This is for two reasons:  (1) it's difficult to get all the nutrients one needs for anything less than 1200 calories (2) the average person's needs around 1200 calories just to stay alive (basal metabolic rate). Eventually, such a low caloric intake will have negative consequences for a person's metabolism.

I'm really disappointed that The Biggest Loser put out a book like this.  I just hope that in the 5 years since the publication of the book that they have addressed and corrected this bad advice.

I'm going to try and keep track of where I spend my money at the grocery stores -- will also add a column for restaurants/bars and for "eating out for lunch during the week" if what I bring to work doesn't entice me.

Whole Foods 2/23/13

 I'm also going to try and use what I have in my cabinets before I buy more of it.  It goes back to my 2011 resolution to "Finish what has been started; start what needs to be finished."

You should always feel like a Super Hero. Goofing of at Fitbloggin 2011

Last week, I wrote about the struggle it was to find clothing as a plus sized girl that was age appropriate, fit well, and didn't make me feel like a sack of potatoes (delicious as they may be).  As I got older, I could find clothing that was age-appropriate, but had a harder time finding clothing that fit well and didn't make me look like those delicious potatoes.

Exercise clothing was and always has been a special challenge.  As a bigger person, one has specific needs out of the clothing one wears:

• would it support me? (in the case of anemic 38D sports bras whose straps would slide down or shift when running and never addressed the bounce); 
• would it help me avoid chafing? (soccer shorts aren't going to cut it; and there seems to be an aversion to fat people wearing spandex/Lycra/performance gear that is ridiculously functional); 
• would the clothing stay where it was supposed to stay, and keep my body parts where they were supposed to be? (in the case of all the pants that fall down, the shirts that ride up, and things that inexplicably shift); 
• would I feel good about wearing it? (I want something a bit prettier than sweats)

---

This is why I am so tickled that Ben at City Sports contacted me to ask me if I'd preview some clothing from the City Sports' CS line that will be branching out into plus sized clothing!

The goods:
CS Sports "Dash" Run Top ($25)
CS Sports "Paramount" Run Capri ($48)

Zippered back pocket with headphone hole!

Yes, those are reflective strips on the shoulders.

Initial Thoughts:
ZOMG the pants are buttery soft and feel like a second skin.  I love that the back pocket zips.  I have a few pair of capris that have pockets that don't secure.  I wouldn't want a key or ID falling out mid-run.

My only complaint about the shirt is that it doesn't magically shrink my midsection (that's on me to fix).  The cut is great on the shirt, and for someone 5'9"--it magically falls at my hip.  This is a very good sign!

The Test:
1 hour Wii Zumba 2 on Medium Intensity

I strapped on my BodyMedia Fit and 539 calories later...

notice, it grossly overestimated the burning capacity of my shimmies and shakes

The Results:

Thanks to the lovely drawstring, the pants stayed up the whole time during Wii Zumba! They moved with me and made me feel sexy while doing it.  Most importantly, the pants wicked away sweat from my lower back (I know, gross).  When I took them off 10 minutes after my workout they were nearly dry.

The shirt has done the impossible -- no gross armpit sweat stain!   Impressive feat considering I was workout out in my apartment without the benefit of air conditioning. 

The shirt didn't rise up the whole time during Wii Zumba.  During shimmies and shakes, the shirt kept me covered!  I can't say that for many tops that I've tried in the past. 

I can't wait to take this outfit on a run with me (once this skin issue clears up!)

---

I want you all to have a chance to try some City Sports gear, and City Sports wanted to help me with that.  They've given me four (4) $50 gift cards to raffle off.   I will raffle off two for people that answer my Google forms survey, and 2 gift cards for people that use the Rafflecopter form.  Contest will be Tuesday February 19, 2012 at 12:01 am until February 27, 11:59pm.  I'll announce the winners on 2/28!  Have fun and good luck!



a Rafflecopter giveaway

In Part I of Discovering Dad, I announced a contest to win 100 days of run coaching from the one, the only Brad Gansberg. 

It was only fitting that instead of using a random number generator, that I asked Dad to pick the winner at random.  He did not see any of the results beforehand, nor did he know he know anyone that submitted entries.


I wanted to thank everyone who entered.  Your responses were amazing.  I hope you all check out Brad's free running program.  It's not as personally tailored as his $99 basic program, but I promise you that you'll see the benefit!

And maybe since Jessica is local, I'll be able to meet with her and do a follow-up during her program.  hint hint nudge nudge. 

In Part I of Discovering Dad, my very awesome and forthcoming dad talked about his childhood and the attitudes about health that he learned from his parents.  He candidly spoke about his own weight issues and how it affected his own view of himself.  Part II is a little bit more about my dad as head of the household and family man. 



A9:  When did I ever educate you about health or food (other than making mountains of pancakes, slabs of meat, potatoes, dessert)?!?  When you got heavier, as I was heavier, I failed to see and get us running or exercising, or going together to the gym or anything positive. I recognize that I was a poor role model and I wonder if my depression rubbed off onto you.

Q9.1: I remember you once signed us up for Gold’s Gym, perhaps when I was 16. Why did we stop going?

A9.1:  Knowing me I probably came up with a hundred excuses.  When we signed up for the family membership, that came with one "free" training session -- I got a artificially-muscled steroidal freak who started me off on weights that were far too heavy.  He didn't address the needs and limitations of my own body.  Schedule was also a big excuse too.  I commuted over two hours each way for work, and I would come home at the end of the day tired.  Changing out of my suit into gym clothing was just too much to ask some days.

Q10: Now that we're both adults trying to get our weight in check, do you think it's important that we are good role models and inspirations for each other as well as the rest of our family?

A10:  It would be important if I BECAME a GOOD role model for you. YOU have ALREADY BECOME a good role model for yourself, despite me.

Q11: I've tried to keep this interview brief, but is there anything else you'd like to talk about?

A11: Just an overview, to wit:

My life has been one with a lot of pain and sorrow and loss, and my childhood was not a happy one. Many issues continued into adulthood, and new issues arose. Clearly, I have had an unhealthy relation to food and and other consumables which were bad for me. Couple that with smoking and I have not taken care of myself.  Some people have an innate sense of themselves and take pride and thus make the effort in their health and their appearance. In the course my life, I can not be so categorized thus far. But I want this to be otherwise henceforth.

Dad -- I love you very much too :)

Me:  **knocks on door** Just wanted to let you know that I'm here.
Boss:  Everything okay?
Me:  **fighting back tears** I'm okay, just very, very angry.
Boss:  What's going on?
Me:  Doctors don't listen.
Boss:  Time to get a new doctor.

please ignore leg hair; was not taking a razor near that

I love my boss for her always-pragmatic, always helpful reactions --
she's a no fuss, no muss, no bullshit kinda lady.
For the past week, I haven't been going to the gym.  Why?  I think I had an allergic reaction to a *ahem* feminine care product.  Immediately after using it, my skin got red, then itchy, then blistery, then the blisters popped, and the skin was painful and didn't want to heal.  That was going on in the lady bits, and spread a little down my thigh.
 

Please be kind; this is really hard for me to show.

About the same time, something similar was going on on my face.  I am 100% cognizant that I'm a neurotic skin picker -- but more than that, I try not to be ashamed of it.  I also know that it may be a contributing factor to the skin thinning on my face.

"I can reduce the redness, but I want you to see a psychiatrist."

"I've done the cognitive behavioral therapy.  I've done the SSRIs.  I have done a great deal of work to reduce the skin picking, but I do it in my sleep.  I can't cure myself 100%."

"I still want you to go."

"And I haven't been picking the skin on my leg or lady bits.  How do you explain that."

"I would like you to see the psychiatrist so we can address this as a whole."

"So you're not going to do anything for my skin ripping and oozing?"

"I'm going to prescribe oral steroids and a topical cream.  But I want to see you again in a month to do a full-body scan."

"It's a cultural thing."

"What is?"

"We see our patients naked and then leave the room to give them privacy to dress.  I once had a doctor with a female intern ask if it was okay that she was present for my rectal exam, and then she left the room so I could get dressed." 

Um. Err. WHAT?!?!? **scrubs brain of those images**

Gym class wasn't any better.  We didn't have a standard gym uniform that we all had to wear, so it was all these tiny girls wearing cutesy short shorts and tight shirts, and me in sweatpants and a t-shirt. This was the time before capris and yoga pants were popular.  Either I could fit into short shorts, or I could have painful chub rub chafing.  I had to pick.



A1: As a kid, I never learned about exercise, and nobody knew about nutrition in the 1950s. We were taught to eat everything on our plate. We were told to think about the starving children in China; left overs were a moral obligation to finish. I was 40 pounds as a 1-year-old. My parents would feed me to stop from crying that first year. I then slimmed out. I ran through neighborhood often, climbed all trees available, and from 4 to 5 was the Peter Pan, ruler and leader of the neighborhood kids. I was tall, trim, outgoing, confident, self-assured and active until the summer my mother died, two months short of my eighth birthday. From age 8 to 12, I just ballooned up in weight, lost confidence and really became a different person to that happy kid I had been before my mother’s death. We had conflicting influences, various housekeepers and even sometimes we were left on our own. I don’t remember food being solace during that time. However, there was no overall approach to a healthy regimen of food and exercise and there was, for me, a great deal of sorrow and trauma.

Q1.1: Do you think the “clean plate” mentality your parents had was a result of them living through the Great Depression, or was it some other reason?

A1.1: Not the Depression, it was more a left over from the Victorian Era. I also think that for my parents’ generation slimness was akin to sickliness for some. My mother was as slim as a rail due to her heart defect, and plump cherubs for children indicated in some way that they were healthy.


Q3: I've seen pictures of you as a young man, and you were quite dapper and thin. When did you notice that you were gaining weight? Do you know why you were gaining weight?

A3: Luckily, I hit a growth spurt that allowed me to be 6’2” and 175 at 18-years-old at graduation. I looked good then. Then I gained weight in the novitiate. We had sports, and exercise, but also a lot of other influences. At college I was between 215 and 235, and stayed in that range, mostly till third year of law school between age 28 and 29. Law school was sedentary, driving a cab was sedentary. Eating deli on the run was not helpful either. Thus, I got heavier. From 17 to 29, the lightest I ever was was 185 when I was in Boston. The heaviest was 280-290 when I got married. Since then the lowest I was was 238 in the late 80s. I was 250 when I tore my left ACL in 2008. That injury contributed to going up tp my current weight. But eating out, eating deli, not exercising and unhealthy eating also are huge factors.

Q4: You once said to me that you tried running once, but wasn't enamored because you didn't experience a "runner's high" -- what were you expecting?

A4: Let me rephrase the question. I had to run at times in gym, I also tried to be on track team at some point. Running always was painful in the legs, chest and abdomen and I never experienced a runner’s high, as in the endorphins. I was not instructed on the right way to train, nor did I have anyone to tell what to expect, how to work through it, or anything like that. An example, the track coach put me in a relay once, had to sprint 220 yards, did miserably. All he did was look at me disdainfully. Years later, remembering I said in my mind the rejoinder I should have said then: “don’t look at me like that, teach me.”

A5: The emotional ups and downs of my formative years left me feeling all over the place, without any understanding of myself, my weight, my health. I never had a sense of pride about my body, and not even any perception regarding same. I once did a low fat regime and stuck with it for a good while. I have tried other things with varying degrees of failure, even Weight Watchers.

I understand what my friend was saying, and on the surface running on the elliptical is not the same mechanics as running on the treadmill.  Running on the treadmill is not the same as running on the ground.  Running on the ground is not the same as being chased by a bear uphill without any shoes on.

The whole discussion reminded me of Oscar Pistorius -- the runner who fought to run in the Olympics despite having double below-the-knee amputations.  Some people saw his prosthesis as giving him an advantage, and some people argued that losing parts of both your legs were no advantage.  No one would ever say to him that what he does isn't running because it doesn't fit the definition of "both feet leave the ground" because he technically doesn't have feet. 

I thought about Megan Vogel, the long distance runner, and many others who have helped their competitors (or their loved one) across the finish line when they could not do it under their own power. 

It's been a few days, but I've come to the conclusion that running isn't about the mechanics; it's about the spirit. Running isn't about picking up one foot, and the other foot. Its about moving forward, together, towards our goals and meeting each other at the finish line, wherever that line may be, whatever that line may look like.