FatGirl vs World

So yesterday was Pay It Forward Day. 
I think the overweight/obesity epidemic is something that requires a societal change, and most of all, support from each other. 

A while ago, I wrote my father an email, and I find myself forwarding it to a few people at work.  I'm going to share it with you all here.  Now keep in mind, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nutritionist, and I've not yet won my battle. But these are the things I've picked up along the way:

You asked for some information regarding the GoWear Fit device that I'm wearing. The links to their Web site are below, as well as to Amazon.com (where there are reviews, and it's a little less expensive). You get 3 months of the Web application with purchase of the devise. If you sign up for 1 year, it's 7-8 bucks a month. That's two Starbucks chai lattes.

In typical Robby fashion, I didn't want to give you that information in a vacuum, so I've provided a ton more information to you.

I love you lots! Good luck.

-Robby

Yes, I just said that.

I'm just going to put it on the record that I think all people (no matter your body issues) should have naked time.  I don't care if it's around your home, just under the covers, lights on or lights off.  You should spend more than 10 minutes a day (shower) completely buck naked, the longer the better.  And for the purpose of what I'm saying, this naked time should be alone.

Almost everyone has some type of body issue -- something they don't particularly like about themselves.  More often than not, that feeling comes from outside of them (TV, magazines, other people, etc.).  The only antidote to that illness is to be naked.  Touch your body (not just in that way).  Feel your skin, your muscles, even your fat.  Come to appreciate the parts you love and the parts that you don't love as much.  Feel how your body moves.  Feel your strength from inside out.

Lastly, stand in front of a full length mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself.  It doesn't count if you giggle while doing it.  Look at yourself and try to, in a sincere way, tell yourself that you are beautiful and worthy.  We all deserve to hear that, even if no one else is telling us we're worthy of being loved.  It's not narcissism.  It's not an invitation to critique.  It's reprogramming the dialogue we have with our own bodies.

And if you're already at that point, I highly suggest taking a photo of yourself naked.  I know, sounds scary.  I'm not talking about porn; I'm talking about an objective way to view yourself from the outside.  If you have a trusted friend to take the picture, or if you have a digital camera with a timer, just do it.  You don't have to keep it or display it.  But do yourself a favor and do this.  You might realize just how critical you are of your own body when really it's a work of art.

Am I hungry and it's 6:30 or am I hungry because it's 6:30?

Portion size, portion size, portion size.

Like dress sizes, portion sizes have also gotten bigger over the years.  No big mystery there.  But I think for people new to healthy eating (I don't want to say "dieting" here) portion size is one of the trickier aspects.  Figuring out the math of your weight (BMI, BMR, etc) is a bit more straight forward than the general advice regarding how much of what any one person needs.  We've gone from hunting and gathering to carefully constructing (or not so much) our dietary intake.

Our eyes and our stomachs are little help here.  So our minds have to do the work.   I think meal planning plays a huge part in this.  The other part that I think is very important is our serving dishes and storage containers.  As many nutritionists point out, one of the easiest changes you can make is to use smaller plates and bowls.  If you use a large plate do you feel inclined to fill it to the lip?  Or do you know how much you need?

Another tip I really love is putting leftovers away in separate containers that are pre-portioned.  I love Ziploc's Twist & Lock in the 2 cup container (as well as the similar Target version).  Unlike some other containers, the 2-cup container has a line on the side where 1 cup and where 2 cups are.  It makes measuring things out much easier when I don't have to take out the measuring cups.  By putting them in smaller containers, I feel more comfortable grabbing & going in the morning when I know I haven't filled a very large container to the brim, no matter how healthy the contents.

And for all of the stuff I shouldn't be having?  I use Rubbermaid's 1/2 cup containers for most things (other than butter, lard, oil, etc.) if it fits, I don't fret.  Half a cup of hummus with carrots, half a cup of guacamole. Neither are worth fretting over (but still remember to count the calories).

There are almost no pictures of me from when I was 15-17.  This was when I was my heaviest (around 240).  I wish I had better medical records to be able to describe just how I got there, but all I can really say that it was a process from 8-years-old and onward, a punctuated climb towards obesity (I gained more rapidly after my Nana and my mother died).

Ever since then I've been over 200 lbs.  Yep. That's right.  I've been overweight/obese since I was 8.

This morning I got on the scale. 202.
My BMI is 30.01.

I'm 3lbs away from being under 200 and .02 points away from being "overweight" as opposed to "obese."

Back when I was going to the gym and running 5x a week, doing weights and core work, I never was able to get below 200.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to step across that invisible barrier and never look back again.

First a disclaimer:  I generally do not like any weirdly colloidal substance on my sandwich.  I'm firmly rooted in the Mustard-or-Bust camp.  That being said, certain summer salads just don't work with Gulden's or Boar's Head White Wine Horseradish mustard.  So, decisions have to be made in the whole colloidal white jiggly condiment category:  mayonnaise or Miracle Whip.

I must admit, for years I was operating under the assumption that Miracle Whip was the Sweet & Low of the Mayo world -- a chemical knock off.  However, a wrench got tossed into the works once I realized it wasn't a knock off, just a different style and a different process.

So I decided to make some cole slaw to go with the buffalo hot dogs in my fridge, and I'm once again standing in the supermarket wondering which one to go to.  There are so many new offerings -- dressings specifically made for cole slaw, mayo made with olive oil, mayo with added omega 3 fatty acids.  But I like to build the flavor, not have it built for me -- so I did a side-by-side comparison of Hellman's Mayo and Miracle Whip, and I was kinda shocked by the results:  Hellman's had almost the same number of chemical names in it (Soybean oil, whole eggs, vinegar, water, egg yolks, salt, sugar, lemon juice, natural flavors, calcium disodium EDTA)  than the Miracle Whip (water, soybean oil, vinegar, sugar, modified cornstarch, eggs, (contains less than 2% salt, mustard flour, paprika, spice, natural flavor, potassium sorbate, enzyme modified egg yolk, dried garlic)) but just in a different order.

What it came down to was really a difference in taste (de gustibus non est disputandum).  I knew I'd be tarting it up either way, so I looked at the nutrition labels.  Hellman's clearly lost that battle to Miracle Whip in terms of calories and fat (MW has more sugar/salt, but I'd need to add salt and perhaps sugar to the slaw, and it was negligible).  But still -- a little bit of label reading yields amazing results.

Robby's Cole Slaw:
2 cups shredded cabbage (I use red cabbage)
1 cup shredded radish
1 cup shredded carrot
1/4 cup Miracle Whip
1/8 cup Champagne Vinegar (apple cider or white wine will also work)
Salt & Pepper to taste

Depending on the vinegar, you might need to add up to a teaspoon of sugar,  but try to leave it out if possible.

Mix all of it together.  Chill. Eat.

I divide it into small tupperware containers (4 usually, sometimes 5) to bring to work.

I've also been known to use the slaw as a topper to garden burgers.  Sometimes if I'm feeling frisky, I'll add a diced hard boiled egg into the fray.

Every year, as the days get longer, I get this giddy feeling.  I know it's coming.



I've been playing softball for a long time (even down to playing T-ball on my brother's team with my hair hiding in my hat...).  I love it.  I love the competition, the camaraderie, the suspense.  The hot dogs, the pixie sticks, the soda as a child and as an adult, the beer, chicken wings, and the pizza.

With my back the way it is, I always worry about softball.  It's a strenuous sport on my back -- lots of bending, running (yes, a fat girl can haul ass around the bases), and twisting.  But in my head I've always said to myself (and sometimes to other people) that if I'm going to go down, I'm going to go down swinging.  That being said, I've had to adjust how I play the game -- from my swing, to my pitch, to my throw..... and now what I eat after the game.

I won't begrudge anyone their celebratory beers and carb-loading, but I need to make a change for myself.  Luckily the bar we go to post-game is a bar/restaurant that I've been going to since I was in college and the owners know and love me.   The menu is a minefield of fried and fatty foods, but my team has gotten in the habit of ordering veggie plates before any of the fried food comes out.   I'm also very lucky that many of my teammates understand my back issues and also know I'm trying to stay healthy.  Even during the off-season they're very supportive.

So who knows what's in store for me.  All I know is that this season will see many victories, on and off the field.

If you've been on a plane before, you've heard the in-flight safety speech.  Exits here and here, don't panic, stay buckled, seat is a flotation device, etc.  But what I want to bring your attention to is the part about cabin pressure.  If cabin pressure falls, masks will fall down.  You're supposed to secure your own mask before helping anyone else, such as a child or a nearby passenger.

I think this is the perfect metaphor when it comes to relationships and balancing our responsibilities.  I don't think this is license to be a self-involved, conceited, narcissistic prick.  However, part of being a healthy, responsible adult is being able to value our own needs and give deference to them. 

Too often we put other people first when our own cabin pressure is falling (and our stressors are flying in from every direction).  Then there's the Second Arrow, a Buddhist idea that when we suffer, we add insult to that injury by deriding ourselves on top of the initial suffering.  The first arrow could be that you're overweight.  The second arrow would be that you feel you're not valuable as a person to be healthy, or you deserve nourishing food, or that you don't deserve to take up space in this world.  In Western terms -- we add insult to injury.

I want to see a change in society, a movement perhaps, of people being okay with putting themselves first, and not feeling external/internal pressure, guilt, or remorse for doing it.  That's what I've decided I need to do.  I went to bed last night thinking "Tomorrow, I'm going to take care of myself."  I woke up thinking "Today, I'm going to give attention to the thoughts and feelings that come up within myself.  I'm going to nurture myself even if no one else is going to do it."   And you know what?  It feels damn good.  Thich Nhat Hanh once wrote that anger (though I'm going to use it to describe all emotions) is like a child crying for its mother.  The mother holds the child until the acute emotion has passed, and then lets go.  I realized I never get a chance to live in that emotion, and that's why I often don't have the ability to let it go.

Being mindful of other people does not mean you vanish.  On the contrary, when you are mindful of yourself, knowing your own gravity, needs, wants, thoughts, emotions, etc. you are better able to mind other people.  You know when someone's entered your orbit in a positive way, and you know when they've crashed into it.  And you're able to note it, and act on it.

The most important meal of the day, right?
Well I believe every meal is important, but it's also important to start off on the right foot.

Enter one of my favorite new products:  Smucker's Low-Sugar Jams.  They're not Sugar Free (ie, full of splenda), but they just don't add any additional sugar.  The result is a product that has a higher water content/is less gelatinous....which means... it is perfect for mixing. 

I take my Brown Cow Plain Non-Fat Yogurt (I haven't seen it, but I know they also have a plain greek yogurt that has 15 grams of protein per serving!!) and make any flavor I want (they only have Blueberry, Vanilla, Strawberry, and Lemon flavors) by adding the jams.

I make a parfait out of it using 1/2 cup of Fiber One Original cereal (I can pre-mix the yogurt flavor in a 2-cup container and then add the cereal in the morning--but use the original -- the others don't mix well and/or have a higher sugar content) and whatever fruit I might have on hand, such as fresh strawberries. 

1 cup plain non-fat Brown cow yogurt = 110 calories (that's 10 grams of protein!)
1 tbsp low-sugar Smuckers Jam = 25 calories (not bad if you have a sweet tooth and/or don't like the flavor of yogurt)
1/2 cup Fiber One Original = 60 calories (57% of the daily recommended fiber for a 2000 calorie diet)
1 cup strawberries = 46 calories (that's between 1 and 2 servings!)

= 241 calories for a very filling breakfast

I don't know about y'all, but I can get bored eating the same things over and over again. What I've realized is that if I play around with the texture of something, I can eat it many different ways and never get bored.  Enter the Magic Bullet Blender.  While it can't make half the things it says it can make, I use it all the time for smoothies (my freezer is stocked with frozen fruits that I freeze when they're in-season or cheap) and soups.

Here's one of my favorite soup recipes -- I rarely add cream/butter (cheddar, not goat cheese)/cheese but tend to spice it up with some black pepper or even red pepper flakes.  You can do it with fresh broccoli or frozen broccoli.  It's also a great way to use the stems.  I've made so many other veggie soups the same way -- corn, pea, cauliflower.  I do it with a baked/microwaved sweet potato, some water, a little bit of butter and madras curry.  Eat your heart out.